A Polish Vampire in Burbank

Unlike the other rancid cheese from the same (I hesitate to call them this) filmmakers, Queerwolf, A Polish Vampire in Burbank is worth watching for the "Judo for Jesus" sequence.

While I do love camp vampire movies, this flick is too lowbrow for camp. If you are looking for quality camp in a vampire flick, stick with Innocent Blood or Buffy, The Vampire Killer. But when you already have a sixpack in you and a have your cardboard silhouette of Joel and the robots situated in front of the TV screen and feel hungry for some truly stinky cheese, then A Polish Vampire in Burbank with its Judo for Jesus and The Vampire Hookers (absolutely dreadful, but the song during the credits is hilarious) is for you.

I was astounded to read somewhere that Mark Pirro did his film using super-8 mm film equipment! Wow! A true champion of the ultra-low-budget filmmaker! Of course, it also means the film is pretty grainy but if you're going straight to video, so what!

Some of the reviewers here need to lighten up a bit. The negative comments on this film are evidently by those who cannot appreciate how hard it is to make a movie for $2500 and have it gross a half million because of it's cult status. Are the jokes bad? Absolutely. Is the acting awful? Some of it, yes. But to me this is what cult cinema is about. It doesn't take itself seriously and viewers shouldn't either. It's 84 minutes of fun with more than a few laughs. Eddie Deezen calls this his worst movie he ever appeared in and even he misses the point while making the film a joy for those who love bad movies. He's brilliant! Is Mark Pirro going to be the next Alfred Hitchcock? No but he's done something major studios only dream of. Make a film for nearly nothing and 40 years later people are still discovering it and smiling. I did. Find it. Watch it. And please write a review that will absorb the bad ones that don't get it. They'll never get it.

This is one of those movies that is so bad that you can't stop laughing. This is a flick best enjoyed with good friends with a sense of humor. Oh, the queerwolf idea was insane! We watched this movie 10 years ago and are still laughing about it.

I used to watch this when "USA Up All Night" was still on the air (Gilbert Gottfried and those timeless B-movies). You can actually order this movie directly from the company (Pirromount Pictures) for about $19.99.

Is it perfect? No, but it's the most fun you'll have watching something put together on a less-than-shoestring budget. There are some really funny scenes in here, and some classic lines. In my opinion, it's better than anything Troma ever released.

8/10.