Malibu Express

Andy Sidaris film simply made to show off the "talents" of numerous Playmates and Penthouse Pets. He then tries to mask the playmates by creating a murder mystery to keep the flow of the film going. This has become an ongoing trend in many of Sidaris' later films, which are kind of fun. Hinton plays a Magnum P.I.-wannabee who finds himself in a murder and in the clutches of sexy Sybil Danning. There's plenty of Playmates, sex and mystery to keep an audience entertained.

Okay, guys, why do we watch Andy Sidaris films?

That's right, and more power to him, I say.

Any guy who makes a living out of making red-blooded movies about murder, deceit, blackmail and double-crosses then loads them with more beautiful women than a year's worth of Playboy subscriptions is my kinda film maker.

Hinton is the detective on the case but let's not talk about him. What about those ladies? Weismeier, Edwards, Sutton and Michaels are all women who deserve a second look (or third or fourth or seventeenth), but then there's Sybil Danning.

Anyone familiar with my reviews of her movies knows I think any Sybil is good Sybil and this one is about as good as it gets. She is out in full force and takes command of the screen like no one else.

But even if you just pay attention to the story, that won't hurt, either. It's actually a good one this time around and makes you wonder what the next plot twist is.

The perfect guy movie. Sorry, ladies.

Eight stars and a big shiny pistol for "Malibu Express".

My review was written in August 1985 after watching the film on MCA Home Video cassette.

"Malibu Express" is a pleasant though underachieving throwback to the naughty but nice, lightweight entertainment that used to flourish on the drive-in circuit. Made by ABC Sports director-cum-filmmaker Andy Sidaris, pic is similar to but less fun than Sidaris' 1979 William Smith-starrer "Seven", made for Melvin Simon Productions and American International Pictures. "Malibu" was backed by The Playboy Channel (and features a song plugging Playboy as well as four former Playmates in the cast), but was self-distributed regionally last May ahead of its current home video release.

Darby Hinton toplines as country boy private eye Cody Abilene who, along with glamorous Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning), hired by the government to investigate a Bel Air household suspected of selling U. S. computer secrets to the Russians. Mansion is presided ovr by Lady Lillian Chamberlain (Niki Dantine), an old friend of the Contessa's. Her chauffeur Shane (Brett Clark) is sexually involved with her nephew Stuart (Michael Andrews), her niece Liza (Lorraine Michaels) and Stuart's wife Anita (Shelley Taylor Morgan), and is blackmailing them in order to pay his gambling debts.

Aided by a sexy policewoman Beverly McAfee (Lori Sutton), Abilene uncovers the skullduggery whle working along parallel lines, the Contessa exposes the heavy who is selling computer secrets, Jonathan Harper (Les Steinmetz).

Storyline and minimal action sequences play second fiddle here to an awesome display of undraped chests, with the male cast including Hinton, Clark and a Mr. Arizona (Richard Brose) and Mr. Universe (John Brown) providing not quite equal time in the beefcake department to the dozen or so female pinups. No full-frontal nudity is included, however.

Other than car-racing scenes, director Sidaris is niggardly in the action department, a major detraction. Comic relief is weak, particularly the pointless interludes of the oddball Buffington family challenging Abilene to drag race in his red De Lorean and other vehicles.

Hinton is personable as a blond Sam Elliott-type in the lead and Danning is her most beautiful in a variety of revealing costumes. No one should mind that the supporting cast is mainly there for posing rather than acting.

Hinton is charmingly alluring; the plot is inconsequential.

From his cute days as Daniel Boone's son he has developed into a very handsome man - and you see "most" of him in this soft core flick along with costar Brent Clark who has a HOT shower scene. Actually Darby's most fleshy scene is also in the shower (great ass but no frontal male nudity in this film). Pool views of his torso, however, are definitely eye-candy. There is also a lot of attractive female skin for those who seek it, but not to the point that this is exclusively a "guy flick."

Most of the characters are played with the same underdevelopment as they were written. Don't look for literature or drama here. But if you want light, frothy, sexual titillation... you've found it.

Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) is a private eye (living on a huge yacht!) hired to watch over a rich family whose members get involved in cases of blackmail, espionage and murder. The movie uses the typical genre ingredients from the smart-ass off-monologue (explaining the detective's thoughts on the case and clues) to the irresistible femme fatale (Sybil Danning) he meets during his investigations. Because "Malibu Express" has a male hero, it is not completely in line with the 11 following movies about lethal ladies which Andy Sidaris wrote, directed and/or produced until 1998 (read on, I reviewed them all). It was rather "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" which perfected the formula of a typical Sidaris movie. Nonetheless: "Malibu Express" has a lot of scantily clad ladies along the way, is constantly moving at full speed and packed with comedy situations, sometimes as ludicrous as a Russ Meyer movie. I loved the scene when Cody tries to impress two baddies with his muscles - but all of a sudden finds out they are much more muscular than himself... or the girl (Lynda Wiesmeier) trying to make love in a racing car in the middle of a dangerous chase! Oh yes, and „Malibu Express" is "so 80s" with its "make my day" mustached tough guy!