Malibu Express

This is what the "Dukes Of Hazzard" would be like if it was geared to adults! Cody Abilene, a man who can't shoot straight with a gun, but can with a...well, you know, is a P.I. trying to solve a crime involving a rich family being bilked out of its cash. This one has it all, gorgeous babes, graphic violence, great sex scenes (for 1985), a good plot, and a hilarious sub-plot involving The Hogg family's cousins, The Buffingtons. A Russ Meyer film made for the 1980's by Andy Sidaris, and a memorable one. The best scene is when Cody needs to find a new car to replace the one he lost, and he goes to a used car lot owned by a woman who recognizes who he is, and when he request to buy a car, the lady starts to seduce him; and later, when he leaves, he says (in a first person voiceover, that he was raped!). Good stuff.

My review was written in August 1985 after watching the film on MCA Home Video cassette.

"Malibu Express" is a pleasant though underachieving throwback to the naughty but nice, lightweight entertainment that used to flourish on the drive-in circuit. Made by ABC Sports director-cum-filmmaker Andy Sidaris, pic is similar to but less fun than Sidaris' 1979 William Smith-starrer "Seven", made for Melvin Simon Productions and American International Pictures. "Malibu" was backed by The Playboy Channel (and features a song plugging Playboy as well as four former Playmates in the cast), but was self-distributed regionally last May ahead of its current home video release.

Darby Hinton toplines as country boy private eye Cody Abilene who, along with glamorous Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning), hired by the government to investigate a Bel Air household suspected of selling U. S. computer secrets to the Russians. Mansion is presided ovr by Lady Lillian Chamberlain (Niki Dantine), an old friend of the Contessa's. Her chauffeur Shane (Brett Clark) is sexually involved with her nephew Stuart (Michael Andrews), her niece Liza (Lorraine Michaels) and Stuart's wife Anita (Shelley Taylor Morgan), and is blackmailing them in order to pay his gambling debts.

Aided by a sexy policewoman Beverly McAfee (Lori Sutton), Abilene uncovers the skullduggery whle working along parallel lines, the Contessa exposes the heavy who is selling computer secrets, Jonathan Harper (Les Steinmetz).

Storyline and minimal action sequences play second fiddle here to an awesome display of undraped chests, with the male cast including Hinton, Clark and a Mr. Arizona (Richard Brose) and Mr. Universe (John Brown) providing not quite equal time in the beefcake department to the dozen or so female pinups. No full-frontal nudity is included, however.

Other than car-racing scenes, director Sidaris is niggardly in the action department, a major detraction. Comic relief is weak, particularly the pointless interludes of the oddball Buffington family challenging Abilene to drag race in his red De Lorean and other vehicles.

Hinton is personable as a blond Sam Elliott-type in the lead and Danning is her most beautiful in a variety of revealing costumes. No one should mind that the supporting cast is mainly there for posing rather than acting.

Andy Sidaris film simply made to show off the "talents" of numerous Playmates and Penthouse Pets. He then tries to mask the playmates by creating a murder mystery to keep the flow of the film going. This has become an ongoing trend in many of Sidaris' later films, which are kind of fun. Hinton plays a Magnum P.I.-wannabee who finds himself in a murder and in the clutches of sexy Sybil Danning. There's plenty of Playmates, sex and mystery to keep an audience entertained.

Sidaris took his 'Stacey' and remade it with a male lead.

Former child star Darby Hinton takes over the hero role this time.

He's your typical macho hero too. Lives by the sea. Knows about weapons. Can drive anything. Big blonde dude with an eighties mustache. You know the type.

He also beds every loose woman in this film. And that's pretty much every woman in this film. Every 20 minutes it seemed like he scored.

The fact that there were a few porn stars among the cast helped. Ol' Darby wasn't the ONLY guy getting' lucky here.

This had more of a breast fetish than 'Stacey.' For that alone, most men will dig it. But this film was as realistic as your average A-Team episode. That's not a bad thing mind you, just don't forget.

Darby Hinton stars as a private eye (Who looks like a cross between Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck) who investigates espionage, murder and all kinds of fun stuff while getting laid lots and lots of times. Malibu Express is probably for what it's worth the best movie from Andy Sidaris on a technical level. Of course in my opinion his only other watchable movie was Hard Ticket To Hawaii, anyway Malibu Express has some okay action sequences (Even though Hinton's martial arts sequences are badly staged) and features tons of nudity which is the film's main selling point. The story is completely plot less and extremely hard to follow mainly due to the fact that none of the plot threads are ever pursued in a way that would make this work as a mystery. In fact the ending merely explains the outcome because the movie forgets to connect the dots earlier. Basically this is a plot less and rather goofy affair which works better as comedy than it does as action or mystery.

* * Out of 4-(Fair)