The Lost Empire

This absurd farrago is something of a guilty pleasure on my part. Anticipating (15 years early) the recent "Charlie's Angels" movie, it features three ethnically-mixed women, all martial arts experts, investigating a preposterous plot and thoroughly intimidating the various hapless males they stumble across.

The film begins with "Dirty Harriet" type cop action and climaxes with gladiatorial battles and a sub-Bondian villain threatening the world with a doomsday weapon that looks alarmingly like a giant phallus. It's fast-moving, funny and good-natured enough to be enjoyable viewing.

My review was written in February 1985 after a screening at Rialto theater on Manhattan's 42nd St.

"The Lost Empire" is a misfired spoof of various fantasy genres, marking an overly ambitious low-budget feature directing debut for former Roger Corman publicist Jim Wynorski. Featuring numerous statuesque women in various states of undress, this entry in the yet-to-succeed Women Warriors genre (e.g., "Sheena", unreleased "She" remake) was started as a 3-D production in latter's 1983 boomtime, but was ultimately filmed and released "flat".

No so flat are the bevy of heroines, three of whom go ("Enter the Dragon" style) to the Pacific island of Golgotha where Dr. Sin Do (Angus Scrimm) has a cult. Sin Do, who turns out to be the ancient Li Chuk, has a pact with the devil whereby he caused natural disasters, and currently is searching for the second jeweled Eye of the Avatar (made by the lost race of the Lemurians) to match his own and give him endless powe.

Amidst much science fiction trappings including cheap mattework, miniatures and special effects, filmmaker Wynorski emphasizes puns and spoof of old-style serials exposition, with not enough funny gags. Fanasy fans will be intrigued, but picture is largely a skin show, spotlighting the beauty of stripper Raven de la Croix, who also acted as associate produce and provided her own gaudy American Indian costumes. Acting is generally poor, with lead player Melanie Vincz apparently not informed of he jokes by Wynorski, while familiar baddie, bald Bob Tessier, suffers with stuck on eyebrows which vary in size and shape from shot to shot. Angus Scrimm, a sinister presence in "Phanasm" in the 1970s, is an effectively hammy villain who, courtesy of impressive makeup effects by Steve Neill, turns into a black, lizard-skin monster at the finale.

Jim Wynorski starts as he means to go on, opening his directorial debut The Lost Empire with a close-up shot of a buxom woman's cleavage. The owner of the impressive breasts is a customer at a jewellery store who leaves the premises as three ninjas arrive to steal a precious jewel from the eye of a statue. The owner of the shop gets a shuriken in the head. Three cops show up and begin shooting at the ninjas; all three ninjas die, but not before killing two of the policemen and mortally wounding the third. This wild pre-credits scene perfectly sets the tone for this very daft action flick: cheesy comic book fun with big boobs.

After the credits have rolled, Wynorski sets up the plot: before they were vanquished, a forgotten civilisation called the Lemurians hid secrets of their super-science in two jewels - the Eyes of Avatar - which were separated during the war. Now, whoever brings the stones together again will rule with absolute power, and guess what?... an evil genius called Sin Do (Angus Scrimm) is planning to do just that!

Seeking revenge for the death of her brother (one of the cops killed in the opening scene), beautiful and buxom (natch) blonde Angel Wolfe (Melanie Vincz) teams up with massive-mammaried native American Whitestar (Raven De La Croix) and jailbird-with-big-jugs Heather McClure (Angela Aames) to enter a competition held at Sin Do's island fortress, the tyrant intending to build an army of trained assassins.

Like a cross between Charlie's Angels, a Russ Meyer movie and Enter The Dragon, this deliberately trashy exercise in silliness sees Wynorski packing in as much exploitative content as possible in his scant 83 minute run-time: ninjas, native American mysticism, a women's prison catfight (that turns into a mudbath), a shower scene, a robot tarantula, bad sword-fights, a pet gorilla (of the man-in-a-suit variety), a powerful phallic laser weapon, and, of course, lots of gazongas.

It goes without saying that it's all very low-brow, and with an obviously tight budget, extremely cheap looking at times (there's a really bad matte painting and Angus Scrimm's skeletal make-up at the end is little more than a rubber mask), but it is quite a lot of fun. Wynorski's stuck to his guns over the years, with countless 'fully loaded' films featuring well-endowed women, but this is still one of the better ones.

6.5/10, generously rounded up to 7 for IMDb.

3 busty (the eye-catcher) ladies fighting (not literally, yet bouncing) the evil Dr. Sin Do (yes, that´s the name - he does sin).

Anything interesting? Sorry, no.

If You like well endowed women working it out and also save the world by hunting down some evil men, this is the movie for You.

Otherwise: don´t watch it, because a worst plot featuring silly characters acting in strange scenes won´t entertain You at all.

Prolific and dependable B level filmmaker Jim Wynorski had started out working for Roger Corman, and began his respectable directing career with this exploitation epic that he wrote, produced, and directed. All the hallmarks of his work are present and accounted for here, including a breezy, campy feel, a heavy sense of humour, a self-awareness (without doing too much winking at the viewer - the actors do have straight faces most of the time), and of course well endowed female cast members baring their breasts whenever an opportunity presents itself. He sure knows what he's doing: the very first shot in his movie is an iris shot that opens up on a womans' cleavage!

The story hits the ground running: tough female cop Angel Wolfe (lovely Melanie Vincz) loses her brother Rob (Bill Thornbury of the "Phantasm" series), who's also a cop, to a trio of deadly ninja types in a bungled robbery. When Rob produces a throwing star kind of weapon left at the scene, it leads Angels' FBI agent boyfriend Rick (Paul Coufos) to believe a religious cult head named Dr. Sin Do could be involved. He knows that Sin Do recruits young women in groups of three to be trained as assassins, so Angel gathers together two of her friends - the Indian warrior Whitestar (Raven De La Croix) and bubbly blonde jailbird Heather McClure (Angela Aames) so that they can infiltrate the madmans' remote island fortress.

There's a delightful cheesy charm to these proceedings, complete with some really fun looking sets and lots of animation effects. The dialogue is amusing, especially when spoken by De La Croix (also the associate producer and designer of her characters' costume); she has a fair number of truly groan inducing one liners to deliver. The colourful lighting is courtesy of Jacques Haitkin ("A Nightmare on Elm Street" '84) and the catchy score by Alan Howarth is reminiscent of the other work he did with John Carpenter in the 1980s.

Wynorski obviously had a lot of fun in the casting decisions: "Phantasm" series villain Angus Scrimm is our nefarious bad guy (although he doesn't show his face until well into the movie), notable screen tough guy Robert Tessier plays Koro, and Blackie Dammett ("National Lampoons' Class Reunion") is the sleazy Prager; there are also cameos for the great Kenneth Tobey (using his character name from "The Thing from Another World"), Linda Shayne (who co-wrote "Screwballs" with Wynorski), and Angelique Pettyjohn ('Get Smart', "Repo Man").

People who adore the wacky side of low budget cinema will likely adore "The Lost Empire" for its spirit and energy...and, of course, the assets of its actresses.

Eight out of 10.