Horror House on Highway Five

HHOH5 will cause any "Scream"-fan to shut the tape off in under three minutes. However, fans of horrible horrors will eat up the killer-in-a-Richard-Nixon mask thing, as well as plenty of priceless dialogue. You've been warned.

What can I say? This is the absolute WORST movie EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER made. And that's a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT! There is no plot, no acting, no direction, no anything! It's worse than "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" only it takes itself seriously! Now granted it is funny to see Richard Nixon killing people, the death scenes suck. I am also not surprised to see that EVERY actor/actress in this movie have this film as their only credit on the IMDb. Skip this trash unless you absolutely do not believe me. I will give it this: there is definitely nothing else remotely like it! And it had a cool tagline: "They were young and in love. He was crazy. She was dead." Funny stuff.

I rented this with such skepticism. And you know, I thought it would be so cool. Really violent and terrifying. It would be disgustingly gory at times, and just somewhat above the bar horror yarn. What I got was something so totally different.

The movie starts with this woman in her home. Her husband goes out somewhere, telling her he'll be back. Pretty soon, he's a goner, and his killer takes a Nixon mask the guy used to scare his wife and puts it on. Then the wacko goes into the house to get the wife. The scene moves so damn slow, even though it is supposed to be scary. There is, like, no sound, the wife reacts to everything, like, five or ten seconds after it happens, and there's this really gross scene where she falls on this glass table and her whole wrist is shredded up and off. And there's, like, two drops of blood! Then the scene continues, and we all knows what happens next.

The movie moves on, and we find out about this wacko father and his two sons. Then enter these three college students getting to know about Highway Five. One of the girls--I can't remember why--meets the two brothers, who eventually invite her back to their apartment. It's all so very surreal. Eventually, that night, they kidnap her and take her to their house up on Highway Five.

The two others--a freaky pothead guy and some hippie-esque girl--head up to this abandoned lot on Highway Five in their van, to do something. Research, I suppose. I have faint memory. Cut to many scenes with the other girl, then nighttime. This movie is so weird and I won't tell you everything, but soon, the killers start killing everybody off until this long--and quite weird--chase scene with the hippie and Nixon. Then an ending that I have to admit, left me on the edge of my seat until the very unique and very cool ending.

I totally suggest checking this movie out. It has cult potential. I could watch this many times. It is so weird. If you find this, PLEASE see it. At first, you will hate it, then you will like it for how cheesy it is. If anything, you have never seen anything like this before.

It is hard to describe what my feeling on this movie is. To put it simply, this might be one of the most bizarre horror films of the 1980's. Were the makers of the film on drugs when they filmed and wrote the script? Did they even have a script at that? Was this all filmed in one night? Who knows? All I know is that as bad as this flick is it is hard to pull your face away from it.

I will try my hardest to sum up what the movie is about so bear with me. Basically, some college kids have to do some research on a Nazi named Bartholomew who was making some wild experiments many years ago. Supposedly he is dead and all that is left are his 2 grown children, who grew up to be Nazi's, also. Apparently, the experiments were being performed at a house off of highway 5 (where ever highway 5 is). One of the girl college students is kidnapped by the Nazi brothers and is brought to the house to perform a human sacrifice for some odd reason. The other college kids go to the house, get creeped out, and camp out somewhere else. While all this is going on we have a guy in a Richard Nixon mask played by a guy listed in the cast as Ronald Reagon running around killing everybody.

The incoherent storyline is only one of the many things that make this one of the most bizarre movies out there. Misplaced music ranging from trippy 60's music to an organ is what fills the movie up. The whole atmosphere of it all is down right weird and hypnotic. Of course, the acting is bad and the filming is even worse. But, I guess that is one of the things that gives this movie its charm. And what is the deal with having a guy in the cast go by the name of the Ronald Reagon?

I don't really have a lot to say about this movie. It is just one of those flicks that need to be seen to be believed. Check it out. 6/10

This forgotten 80s slasher is truly one that has to be seen to be believed. Its got a killer in a Richard Nixon mask, a couple of Nazi brothers, a girl getting her chest ironed (!), invisible whipping weapons (think Phantasm but on a much lower budget), a teleporting disemboweled cat, brain-eating maggots, surf-rock music, and more! None of it makes any sense and by no means is it a good movie but its so bizarre you just cant take your eyes off it! Love the scene where a chick throws herself into a glass coffee table...to get away from the killer! The DVD is the quality of a VHS transfer but, in this case, it actually kinda helps the film by giving it the grainy picture effect that works well for a film of this "so bad it's almost good" caliber.