Terrore sul ponte di Londra

The story of the "Terror at London Bridge" is pretty ridiculous but it held my interest. The plot is a pretty weird, the London Bridge (in real life) was dismantled and shipped to Arizona. Yes Arizona. Anyway, a tourist couple are staying near the bridge and the wife cuts her finger and Jack the Ripper is resurrected and starts his reign of terror again in Arizona (of all places)!

It's pretty cheesy, but David Hasselhoff was easy on the eyes. Stefanie Kramer held her own, although overly tanned and the hair, the shoulder pads, but hey, it's the 80's. Adrienne Barbeau was not utilized as much as she could have been, but did a decent job. Randolph Mantooth was fair enough as the co-cop friend of Hasselhoff.

This was a TV movie, which I realize young people can't comprehend these days. I grew up watching the "ABC Movie of the Week" back in the 70's, which actually have some fantastic movies, which are cult classics now. This isn't a classic, no way near that, but it was okay, and had a few suspenseful moments. Would I go out of my way to watch this, no. But if it came on, I had nothing else to do, yeah, sure.

I bought this little sleep-fest on VHS years ago in a cutout bin and could barely finish watching it. It moves like Molasses in the dead of winter and telegraphs the story line like Marconi on Meth. But, that legendary old bridge still photographs with atmospherics that rival any Hammer horror flick from 20 years earlier! I've walked that bridge and as you lean over those massive stones you can literally sense the history under your feet. Chainsaw mogul Robert McCulloch developed Lake Havasu City AZ after buying 26 square miles of desert for about $75/acre, intending on turning it into an upscale resort and site for a new chainsaw factory. But, to draw people to the middle of nowhere he needed a hook.

When the City Of London announced they were going to auction off the 1831 historic span because it was sinking into the Thames River, McCulloch negotiated long and hard to buy it in 1968 for a stunning $2.4 million and then spent three years dismantling it stone-by-stone for the long journey to his desert oasis. It was carried by ship down through the Panama Canal then carried by trucks to it's final destination. And that bridge is BIG! 928 feet long and 62 feet wide, but each stone was numbered so the span could be reassembled like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle -the bridge is now listed as the world's largest antique. And they did an amazing job! There was even a smallish English "village" complete with costumed employees who hawked Americanized Fish and Chips from quaint little shops. Iconic -and authentic- red cast-iron phone booths and heraldic banners complete the look. I visited it in 1979, and even though most of the current resort wasn't even built yet, it was still a memorable experience.

So: even today that bridge is really something to see -especially in it's present incongruous location. And, YEAH: it's entirely possible that Jack the Ripper himself scuttled across those historic stones!

The opening shot of the movie was made outside-at night when the desert temperature was over 105 degrees F. The opening shot for the movie depicted Jack The Ripper in a long black cloak running stealthfully down a fog ladden street in London. The scene skillfully suggested a clold damp evening in London. The actual special effects produced by the crew were classic Hollywood. It seemed very surreal to watch this scene being shot over and over between 12:30 and 1:30 in the morning. The final cut depicted cold when the entire crew was literally crumbling from the heat. It was truly a treat to watch the skill and professionalism displayed just to get a take on approximately five seconds of movie film.

Certainly not the level of a Hitchcock thriller, this movie was still kind of fun if you don't expect too much. Typical 80s style and fashion and a silly plot make this the kind of movie I remember seeing at an 8th-grade sleepover. If you are a

Randolph Mantooth fan like me, you'll appreciate seeing him in anything full

length. Unfortunately, his character is a bit goofy, but I'll take it. Don't bother if you want something that is scary or asks you to figure anything out. I would

recommend it only for a young group (contains nothing as gruesome as some of

today's treasures) or as background while you clean the house on a rainy

Sunday afternoon.

Terror at London Bridge (1985)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Silly made-for-TV flick starts off in 1888 as Jack the Ripper has just killed another woman and takes off running. He only makes it to the London Bridge where he is shot, falls over the side and takes one of the stones with him. Flash-forward to 1985 and Lake Havasu City, AZ where the bridge is now located. It's a special day as that one, long-lost piece of the bridge has been found and returned to its place. Soon murdered women start turning up and a detective (David Hasselhoff) begins to think that the spirit of Jack the Ripper has returned. There's way too much attempted plot in this rather horrid flick that really insults anyone who is a fan of Jack the Ripper movies. I'm really not sure what the point of this film was but there's no logic that can be found here and the story seems to go off in countless directions. Part of the time it wants to be a serious horror flick and other times it wants to simply show off the body of Hasselhoff who is either shirtless, acting sexy or simply walking around with the buttons of his shirt undone. He certainly tries coming off more as a playboy than a detective and his performance isn't much better. The supporting cast isn't too bad with Clu Gulager (THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD), Adrienne Barbeau (THE FOG) and Lane Smith (MY COUSIN VINNY) having small roles. None of them have much to do but it's fun seeing them. The screenplay is the main problem here as the movie just never paints any type of mystery that one will be excited about and things get off to a bad start and never pick up. By the thirty-minute mark you'll be bored out of your mind and you've still got seventy-minutes to go. The direction by Swackhamer isn't too bad even if it has all those cliché made-for-TV moments.