Zombie Island Massacre

Aside from a really stupid scene where black magic resurrects an island villager, there are NO ZOMBIES in this stupid movie! The "plot" is a rehash from a million other grade-Z thrillers, with bad actors walking around spouting nonsense dialogue, while a very bored audience waits for them to die. Correction: while a very bored audience waits for them to get EATEN BY ZOMBIES, which THEY DON'T! This isn't even a crappy "Dawn of the Dead" rip-off, it's nothing. A more appropriate title might have been "Boring People Massacre," or perhaps "Boring People on Island Where Nothing Happens".

This reminds me of two other really bad "zombie" movies where there were no zombies. "Revenge of the Living Dead," and "Virgin among the Living Dead," neither of which had any zombies whatsoever. When the title and poster art and description on the video box promise ZOMBIES, they should maybe HAVE ZOMBIES in the movie!

In any case, don't make the mistake I did. When and if you find this on your video shelf, DO NOT RENT IT!

The word "zombie" was added to the title to titillate--as was the presence of Rita Jenrette--as nymphet whose 15 minutes of fame came when talked publicly about her and her congressman husband's supposed tryst on the steps of the Capitol building. Normally, the adventures of a horny lady such as Jenrette would have quickly fizzled in the public's mind had she not subsequently posed for Playboy and starred in this cheap exploitation picture.

Those looking for zombies will no doubt be disappointed, though if you are looking for horny tourists who take off their clothes with little provocation (especially Ms. Jenrette) you will no doubt be satisfied. Heck, the film should have been more appropriately titled "Horny Island Massacre" as indeed there is lots of gratuitous killing and there's something about that tropical air that turns people into horn-dogs! Of course, given the title, the fact it was made by Troma Films AND the sleazy advertising campaign that accompanied the movie's debut, none of this should come as much of a surprise. It's NOT to be mistaken for Shakespeare and you can hardly expect more than you get.

The film has no stars (other than perhaps Jenrette--the Paris Hilton of her day) and has a rather low budget. The writing is pretty dim and there are only a few surprises along the way. One of the particularly silly bits is when the remaining five people wander into a mansion at night. It's totally dark outside, yet one of them almost instantly finds a small handgun hidden in the bushes!! He couldn't have found it faster if he'd had a map! There are also some really dumb people who act almost like they WANT to be killed they behaved so stupidly! I also loved the way Jenrette emoted when her movie husband was killed--it was so embarrassingly bad it gave me a chuckle.

Overall, the film is worth seeing only for the first two minutes, as you get to see an awful lot of the lovely Mrs. Jenrette--an AWFUL lot! After that, it's all down hill! A film worth watching only for bad film fan and the curious who want to catch a glimpse of Jenrette naked. All others beware!

A group of dolts on a tour of a Caribbean island begin to be stalked & slaughtered by some mysterious person or entity. Only once the group makes it to a secluded estate do they start taking any sort of proactive steps against their assailant.

As others before me have said, actual "zombies" are few & far between in this admittedly exotic horror outing. (The word zombie was added to the title to presumably make it more enticing.) Mostly, what gives this 80s entry into the slasher sweepstakes any stature is the fact that it makes FULL use of then-notorious Rita Jenrette (who plays Sandy). She was a congressmans' wife who capitalized on her 15 minutes of fame by posing for Playboy and then appearing in this cheap & sleazy schlock movie. (If you do love movies like this for the sex appeal, you can take some satisfaction in the bare flesh quotient, with Ms. Jenrette doing a gratuitous shower scene in the opening minutes.)

Overall, the movie is on the boring side, although it *does* have a unique get-up for the killer, doles out a bit of gore, and features a VERY familiar-sounding score by "Friday the 13th" series composer Harry Manfredini. The cast isn't altogether bad, if also on the nondescript side. David Broadnax, who plays no-nonsense tough guy photographer Paul, was also the "presenter", a producer, and the story author, and gives one of the better performances.

If you're an 80s slasher junkie, you *will* find some things to enjoy here, with the director / editor (John N. Carter) bringing some atmosphere to the proceedings.

Four out of 10.

This is the first Troma picture I have seen that is basically a serious horror movie. What I mean is they never get really goofy here. Unfortunately, this probably turned off all the Troma fans out there. Then the title probably got zombie lovers attention and when they see this movie has basically one zombie who is not really involved with the plot they get ticked off and give the movie a one. I had low expectations so that is why I gave it a five. I did not think it was really all that good, but I also did not think it was all that bad. It was a watchable horror movie on an island with a few good kills and an easily predicted plot twist or two. I got this in a pack with two other Troma movies "Blood Hook" and "Blades" and I enjoyed this one the most even though the other two have higher scores. Still I understand why it has such a low score, when you are all set to see a zombie movie and you are not given any you do tend to get angry. I will admit this one would have been better if there were zombies swarming all over the house they take shelter in, but since I read some stuff before I watched it I knew it was not going to be a zombie movie per se.

Troma sells it as a "Zombie flick" but it's nothing else but a poor , ultra low budget slasher flick with minimal gore and predictable situations.

I feel weak when commenting about this because I'm a big Troma fan and I felt cheated. The only good thing about the movie is the mansion setting. It's dark and creepy and helped in some "important" situations in the movie.

Horror fans, this flick has ZERO zombies... it should've been involved in the witchcraft or voodoo category.

Please, don't waste your time or money on this. I doubt it will be aired because it'd be an insult to horror fans. I had the bad luck to watch it at midnight on USA NETWORK back in 1997 and since then I still feel angered when thinking about it.

2/10. Say NO to this.