The Rosebud Beach Hotel

I've watched this movie probably a half-dozen times over the last 40 years or so (yeah, yeah, a waste of my time/life, whatever), yet I'm at a loss as to why...so much for the idea of age equating wisdom.

It may be due to having seen this first late at night via whatever premium cable movie channel it aired on in the mid-1980's when I was a teenaged horndog on the lookout for a little t & a on television. Sort of a wistful nostalgia for a time when seeing women disrobed wasn't readily available anywhere at anytime with the mere click of a button or swipe of a screen.

I should also say I've enjoyed other flicks lead actress Colleen Camp has been in. I always liked Christopher Lee in the Hammer Dracula stuff. Fran Drescher isn't an actress I've ever much liked, although her appearance in this movie was very early in her career thus she wasn't yet amping up her accent and annoying vocal mannerisms.

I think a lot of it has to come down to The Rosebud Beach Hotel just being a film I couldn't make sense of. It wouldn't be inaccurate to define it in the strictest terms as an 80's sexploitation comedy except for the fact that it was neither stimulating nor was it funny. There is a bare-bones plot which I'm fine with in that I never really required the boner comedies I enjoyed in my teen years to have intricate storylines.

I didn't find the amount of characters and subplots (of which there were many) by default to be either confusing or inhibiting. It just all came down to the sight gags and one-liners failing to connect with me. Very dumb jokes on a very juvenile level that failed to amuse me when I was 15 years old back in 1985. Then again, what else does one expect when your movie has Eddie Deezen as the onscreen comic relief? As another reviewer elsewhere mentioned, even the nudity here feels forced and out of nowhere, as if the director or producer or whomever suddenly decided mid-film that it was time to show some boobies. Mind you, I had no objections then (nor do I now) about nudity on film, but nudity on film is one of those things where if it isn't approached with at least some eroticism the result is awkward, as is the case here.

Let's see, what else? The movie was shot on what appears to be a cheap grade of film. Pretty grainy, visually. In addition, the movie barely rounds out at 83 minutes and I'd wager a good 10 minutes of those involve the opening and closing credits that recycle footage shown again during the movie to list the cast and crew over. About the only positive aspect I enjoyed circa 2024 was seeing and hearing Cherie and Marie Currie sing several tunes that certainly screamed mid-80's hair metal pop rock.

This movie is so bad, and the cast, which includes some semi-big names, is so bad in it, you will spend most of the films running time (if you can manage to keep watching) wondering how any of these actors got work again. I can't imagine this ever had much of a theatrical release, and got its only exposure on late night 1980's cable TV, a fate the film certainly deserved. I know they have fans, so if your interested, Cherie & Marie Currie sing a couple of songs that I don't think are available anywhere else. If this wasn't so obscure, it would have to rank pretty high on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Trust me, it's really that bad.

This is not one of those films that seeks to probe the deep mysteries of the universe. Anyone who has played critic and mercilessly panned or trashed this movie is taking this romp and themselves way too seriously. That said, if you are looking for a way to spend about an hour and a half immersed in pure mindless satirical comedy, this will do nicely. The movie is a spoof of almost any major movie genre you can name with each scene extracting laughter, while setting up a gag for the next. Similar to the Scarry Movie, Naked Gun, and Airplane franchises,a number of well known actors at that time (but not Leslie Nielsen)lent their talents to producing this very funny film parody. Sure, the plot is predictable, the jokes are cheesy, and the overall vibe is cult classic, but this particular recipe works so well that at times, the movie becomes a parody of itself. My wife and I first watched this movie about 10 years ago on late night HBO plus a couple of times after that, and I have to say it gets funnier each time.

A characterless posh couple are entrusted with looking after a hotel by Christopher Lee, about whom it is painfully obvious that he filmed his scenes apart from all the lead actors in the movie.

Lee is introduced in a swordfight scene that comes out of nowhere. When it first came on I assumed it was an excerpt from another movie the characters were watching. Unfortunately, no. It was still this one.

There is one of those godawful, lengthy musical interludes where some third rate songwriters have churned out a dreadful parody of whatever dated type of music was big at the time - here it is hair metal. Later, the trick is repeated with a power ballad that isn't quite as bad, or as lengthy, as the tacky, soulless metal track.

The beautiful Fran Drescher shows up, apparently playing a prostitute. An example of the filmmakers' idiocy is the fact that she was not cast as the female lead. She is beautiful, charming, funny, brave - a born star. The lead actress is totally forgettable.

The hotel (apparently actually called the Fiesta Hotel? How did they stuff that up in the title?) is supposed to be inhabited by a bunch of kooky characters, including a creepy nerd who thinks he's from another planet, and a creepy army man who thinks he's at war.

The movie has a few inserts of topless women that seem to come out of nowhere. It's not a sex comedy or a dirty movie or whatever. Watch the "Carry On" films. At least they managed a bawdy, lewd tone where the flashes of nudity fit. This one is a lame brained comedy that some pornographer has sabotaged with a few seconds of smut.

There is apparently some kind of attempt to make Christopher Lee the villain of this story. But his scenes are so disjointed and poorly inserted into the movie that I never really understood what he was doing in it. Most of this movie, at least, makes very little sense. There is hardly any narrative, just a set-up.

The conclusion made no sense to me either.

Sometime between "Bosom Buddies" and "Newhart", Peter Scolari starred in this dud of a comedy as Elliot, a soft-spoken weak-willed guy who's badged by his fiancé into taking up the reigns of her father's (Christopher Lee in a thankless role) hotel in Florida, which her dad just wants to burn down for the insurance money. Fran Drescher embarrasses herself as the head bellhop/hooker, and Eddie Deezen is on hand to...well to act like Eddie Deezen, the guy does the same shtick in every film he's been in and is never good. The film attempts to go for low-brow laughs, yet fails to even deliver at that.

Eye Candy: Monique Gabrielle, Julia Always, Durga McBroom, Tina Merkle, Julia Parton, & Paula Wood all show T&A

My Grade: D-

Where I saw it: Netflix online via Xbox 360