- Pete: Hey, I tell you what is. Big city, hmm? Live, work, huh? But not city only. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples, is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?
- Janice: [talks on phone] So I told him "Listen, buddy, I don't take my clothes off for anybody, even if it IS artistic".
- Pete: Is no good. Rats want job. Frog want job. What next, penguins?
- [a group of penguins peek through the door]
- Penguin: Do you have any jobs available?
- Pete, Kermit the Frog, Rizzo the Rat, Tatooey the Rat, Masterson Rat, Chester the Rat, Yolanda - Rat: No!
- Penguin: Well, excuse us for living!
- Mr. Skeffington: Snookums prefers the rubber Wall Street Journal to the rubber Washington Post.
- Rowlf: Don't we all?
- Kermit the Frog: My friends are all gone. Well, I'm gonna get them back. I'm gonna get them back. Because the show's not dead as long as I believe in it. And I'm gonna sell that show. And we're all gonna be on Broadway. You hear me, New York? We're gonna be on Broadway. Because I'm not giving up. I'm still here and I'm staying. You hear that, New York? I'm staying here! The frog is staying!
- Rizzo the Rat: What's this supposed to be?
- Pete: Is grits! Grits! Hominy grits!
- Rizzo the Rat: How should I know how many? Count 'em yourself.
- Ronnie Crawford: Dad! Dad! I've got great news!
- [Bernard sees Kermit]
- Bernard Crawford: If you two are in love, I don't wanna hear about it.
- [the Swedish Chef is the popcorn vender at a movie theater showing a 3D film]
- The Swedish Chef: Yaa da poppin' corn is...
- [throws popcorn in the air]
- The Swedish Chef: 3D! Da corn is popping in your face inna...
- [throws popcorn in his own face]
- The Swedish Chef: 3-D!
- Roller Skater: Could I have my skates back, please?
- Kermit the Frog: Hey, hey just a second. How did you know about that "toupe"?
- Miss Piggy: None of your beeswax!
- Kermit the Frog: Hey, have you been spying on me?
- Roller Skater: I'll unlace them, while you fight. It's no trouble.
- Kermit the Frog: Piggy! Have you been spying on me?
- Miss Piggy: Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.
- Roller Skater: You two-timing her?
- Kermit the Frog: No, that's just Jenny. She's a friend. She's a friend, and she's been trying to help me sell the show.
- Miss Piggy: Ha!
- Roller Skater: [to Piggy] He's gotta sell the show.
- [to Kermit]
- Roller Skater: What show?
- Miss Piggy: Well if she is just a friend then what about the... the huggies?
- Kermit the Frog: What?
- Roller Skater: [shocked] The huggies? You gave Jenny the huggies?
- Miss Piggy: You know maybe, maybe Kermit, maybe it would have been better if we had never have met. Then, then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.
- [sobbing]
- Kermit the Frog: Oh gee.
- Roller Skater: See what the huggies'll getcha?
- [after contorting Kermit's legs, arm and mouth]
- Kermit's Doctor: No doubt about it; you've got amnesia. The problem is, you were found with no identification, and oddly enough, wearing no clothing. So I did some research into the major nudist colonies in the area, and I think I've come up with something. You are Mr. Enrico Tortellini of Passaic, New Jersey.
- Kermit the Frog: Well, I really don't feel Italian.
- Kermit's Doctor: Oh. It was just a long shot. Mr. X, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think your case is hopeless. Why don't you go out, find a nice job, and make a new life for yourself. And what we can do for you is give you a nice, clean set of clothes. Wish you a lot of good luck.
- [Gonzo uses mouth-to-mouth resuicitation on his chicken]
- Miss Piggy: Gonzo, is Camilla all right?
- Gonzo: Yeah, but I think we're engaged!
- Policeman: Hey! Watch it!
- Kermit the Frog: Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em.
- Policeman: [dismissing his suspicion after a moment] Nahhhhh!
- Kermit the Frog: [whispering] Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.
- Miss Piggy: [laughs]
- The Minister: [singing] Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you?
- Miss Piggy: [singing] I do.
- The Minister: [singing] Do you, Froggie, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?
- Kermit the Frog: [hesitantly singing] Well... I...
- The Minister: [singing] Do you?
- Kermit the Frog: [as everyone else listens intently for his decision; still singing] Well... I do.
- The Minister: [singing] Then because you share a love so big, I now pronounce you Frog and Pig.
- Bill the Frog: I'll pick up the bill today, Gil.
- Gil the Frog: Oh, good. Something from the grill, Jill?
- Jill the Frog: No, meat makes me ill, Gil.
- [Masterson Rat is infatuated with Brooke Shields]
- Brooke Shields: Is something wrong?
- Masterson Rat: Do you believe in interspecies dating?
- Brooke Shields: Well, I've dated some rats before, if that's what you mean.
- [Masterson faints]
- Gonzo: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! Emergency! I'm looking for a frog who can sing and dance!
- The Honorable Edward I. Koch: If he can also balance the budget, I'll hire him!
- [Martin Price holds a gun on Gonzo's chicken]
- Martin Price: Get back or the chicken gets it!
- Second Cop: That's a threat?
- Miss Piggy: [Kermit is suffering from amnesia] I'm Piggy. Now, listen carefully. You are Kermit the Frog - and you love me. You want to marry me. You want to have children with me.
- Miss Piggy: With you? In love with a pig? Ha, ha! Oh, wait till I tell the guys in Marketing. Ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Maybe you expect me to go - *hog-wild*? Ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Maybe, perhaps, you could bring home the bacon? Ha-ha ha-ha-ha! Oh, the sounds of love. Sooey! Oink, oink! Ha-ha-ha!
- Miss Piggy: Cancel the show! Hi-yah!
- [Karate chops Kermit]
- Miss Piggy: I spied because I care!
- Kermit the Frog: Well I care, too!
- Miss Piggy: Well, *why* don't you say so?
- Kermit the Frog: I JUST DID!
- Miss Piggy: ALL RIGHT!
- [They start screaming, then try to catch their breath]
- Roller Skater: Keep the skates. Keep the skates. I don't use 'em, anyway; I just like to run around in shorts.
- Ronnie Crawford: But, Pop, I told you - I want to do something different!
- Bernard Crawford: So put some Jell-O down your pants.
- Baby Kermit: [Muppet Babies, singing] She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a vet'rinarian, too.
- [to Kermit]
- Miss Piggy: And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
- Fozzie Bear: Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!
- Scooter: And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
- Rowlf: She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...
- Gonzo: ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!
- Kermit the Frog: May I see a menu, please?
- Pete: [Hands Kermit a menu] Is special today: Yankee bean soup... with spoon.
- Bernard Crawford: Who's gonna be starring in this masterpiece?
- Kermit the Frog: Well, it's just me and my friends. You know, they're all dogs and bears and chickens and stuff.
- Ronnie Crawford: I told you, I wanna do something different.
- Bernard Crawford: So put some Jell-O down your pants.
- [the Muppets have shacked up in bus station lockers]
- Janice: I'll trade with anyone who has a Jacuzzi.
- Dog in kennel: [to Snookums] Little Binky Booter!
- Fozzie Bear: Hey, Kermit. Can our friends watch the show from backstage?
- Kermit the Frog: What? No! No, they cannot watch the show from backstage. That's it! That's what's been missing from the show! That's what we need! More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and... and whatever! You're not gonna watch the show, you're gonna be in the show! Come on, everyone!
- Bill the Frog: Well, how about: Ocean Breeze Soap - It's just like taking an ocean cruise, only there's no boat and you don't actually go anywhere.
- Kermit the Frog: Seems a bit long...
- Kermit the Frog: Have you tried something simple like: Ocean Breeze Soap will get you clean.
- Bill the Frog: Wait a minute! What just a second! You mean just say what the product does? Why, no one's ever tried that!
- Gil the Frog: Oh, well, it's - it's crazy.
- Jill the Frog: Why, it's nuts!
- Bill the Frog, Gil the Frog, Jill the Frog: We love it!
- [On Manhattan Melodies]
- Bernard Crawford: Just because the whole thing is crazy doesn't mean it won't make it on Broadway!
- Mr. Skeffington: Now, while Daddy is gone, little lumpy-dum-dums won't have his Daddy to give him washy-scrubby.
- Rowlf: Very impressive. You speak Chinese like a native.
- Dog in kennel: [to Snookums] Hey, Squishy Bottom!
- Kermit the Frog: What's going on here?
- Scooter: Well... uh... we just got job offers. Uh... right guys?
- [everyone lies with ad libs, "yeah", "sure", "job offers"]
- Kermit the Frog: That's great. But why do you all look so sad?
- Scooter: Well, it's just... they're kind of... out of town job offers. Right guys?
- [more ad libs with "yes", "out of town", etc]
- Gonzo: What job did I get?
- Scooter: Gonzo! Shut up!
- Kermit the Frog: [after being taken hostage] Gonzo, are you alright?
- Gonzo: I just saw my life flash before my nose!
- Yolanda - Rat: [serving up two fried eggs on toast with steak fries] Hey Pete, here ya go. Two zeros on a trampoline with a side of Joan of Arc.
- Rizzo the Rat: [Rizzo walks by with a plate of food] Gangway! Coming through! Hey, watch it, will ya?
- Fozzie Bear: Hey, that waiter's a rat!
- Floyd: I'm glad we got no money, now I got no appetite.
- Fozzie Bear: So the grizzly bear, he walks out of the room. Well, now, the panda bear is just sitting there, he thinks to himself , "This is odd". And then, what do you know, the phone rings. You know who it is? It's the polar bear, and the polar bear. he says to the panda bear, "I didn't know it was a koala bear!" Get it? "Koala?" Wocka wocka!
- Audience Member: That doesn't sound like the "William Tell Overture" to me...
- Jenny: [talking to Kermit after his pitch; about Piggy] She must be really talented.
- Kermit the Frog: Well, I think you're talented too.
- Jenny: You mean it?
- Kermit the Frog: Of course. I know you're gonna be a famous fashion designer someday.
- Jenny: Oh, Kermit, thank you for saying that.
- [hugs him]
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By what name was I Muppet alla conquista di Broadway (1984) officially released in India in English?
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