Visitors - I nuovi extraterrestri

This movie is really bad, one of the worst I've ever seen. Thank God for "MST3000" and the 'bots helping us out with this one. I especially hated the squeaky voiced Mason Resse look-alike as the kid, and the scenes of the idiots in the recording studio were the absolute pits. What was with that guy wearing an "I'm a Virgin" t-shirt? Also, according to the book "Gestures" by former Parker Pen VP Roger E. Axtell, "The 'O.K.' sign, with thumb and forefinger in a circle and the other fingers splayed outward, is an obscene gesture in Spain." This explains why the singer is giving this sign when saying "It sucks!" in the movie, since it's Spanish. Why was it left in for the overseas audience? It also does NOT let off the hook those who dubbed the song into something pathetically incomprehensible and indefensible. "Flying over fish"? "Idiot in control now"? Who can figure out what they were trying to dub? I loved it when Joel and friends did their take off on this. The alien character also sucked, looking like a reject from a Sid and Marty Krofft pilot. One of the all time worst! Consider yourself duly warned even if you watch this with Joel and the crew! My rating: 1 out of 10.

Says one of the many annoying characters that populate this really stupid movie. Something comes to earth and lands in the woods next to a cabin inhabited by a high pitched boy who has a thing for animals, his mother and some old cranky guy. There's also poachers running around, and pretty soon there's a group of teenagers driving around. Eventually they all wind up getting killed by the aliens. Well, not all of them, which is unfortunate because then the movie would be over in thirty minutes! Watch this stinker with Joel, Tom and Crow and laugh along at this really, really bad movie. As Tom would say "Huzzah!"

Oh, how I love this, the movie that introduced me to the work of Juan Piquer Simon, one of the best "bad" directors ever. It was also the very first episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 I ever saw, way back when, so it will always have a special place in my heart. Although this version of his movie was run through the Film Ventures International ringer (a company that takes movies and re-edits them, adding new music & credits), Simon's style shines through. There's also the usual Juan Piquer Simon stable of actors, including Ian Sera (Kendle in "Pieces") and Frank Brana (the guy who says "You don't have the authority to declare Happy Birthday!" in "Slugs").

The movie is about some poachers who encounter some strange eggs in the woods- no wait, it's about a rockin' rock-n-roll band who are going on a camping trip- no, wait, it's about an animal-loving red-haired kid named Tommy who lives with his unpleasant aunt and uncle deep in the woods. Eventually all these tales converge when Trumpy, a lovable fuzzy alien with an odd shaped head and phallic snout, hatches out of one the aforementioned strange eggs.

Tommy takes in Trumpy and teaches him the joys of jigsaw puzzles and eating peanuts (which Trumpy sucks through his snout, which should be charming but is ultimately a creepy image). Unfortunately, another alien who looks exactly like Trumpy is on a killing spree, and a case of mistaken identity could land Trumpy on the business end of alcoholic Uncle Joe's shotgun!

This is a pleasantly dumb movie, full of dumb characters and dumber dialog ("Oh yeah? Well, you're a jerk!" says Brana to his bearded sidekick). Trumpy is cool, especially when he does "magic things" like stand on the ceiling, make Tommy's laundry fly through the air, and turn an old Simon game into a slammin' beat box (Mix Master Trumpy's jams would later be pilfered by Moby, The Beastie Boys, and others). Also putting in an appearance is a picture of Ronald Reagan, which completely fooled me into thinking this was an American movie.

The MST3K episode featuring this masterpiece is available on video from Rhino, and no fan of absurd cinema should be without it!

They say that no good deed goes unpunished. This movie - or should I say "this swill" - shows that to be 100% true. Spielberg made "E.T." and someone made "Los nuevos extraterrestres" (called "Pod People" in the United States) in response. The movie has a boy befriending an alien who looks sort of like an anteater, and some weird things result. WHY CAN'T ALIENS KIDNAP THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE KINDS OF MOVIES?! There are plenty of good stories out there and they have to go and make this?!

That said, the movie was not a complete waste. Quite the opposite: "MST3K" once showed it. As you might imagine, Joel, Servo and Crow have lots of fun with it.

A small group of dimwitted poachers stumble upon a cache of strange looking eggs stashed in a cave. One of them gets killed by an unseen creature. Then, a young boy with a weird girly voice and a menagerie in his bedroom discovers one of the over-sized eggs and takes it home to hatch it. Meanwhile, the worlds worst rock band decides to go camping in the same woods. When the sluttiest girl in the group runs afoul of both poachers and unseen creatures and takes a plunge off of a cliff, the unmusical losers take refuge in the house of Molly and her - husband? brother? who knows? - and her young son, the same boy who has just hatched an alien creature called Trumpy out of the egg he found in the woods. Trumpy looks like a cross between a plucked turkey and a vacuum cleaner, and does a lot of dippy things like levitating toys and allowing the cat to play with his nose. When people start turning up dead with strange glowy marks upon their foreheads, it seems to be the work of Trumpy. But soon the truth becomes apparent: there is another creature on the loose in the woods, killing anyone who crosses his path.

This is a very stupid film. Even with the assistance of Joel and the bots, this is still a very painful viewing experience. None of the actors can act and none of the characters are likable at all. All of the girls are either sluts, bitches or doormats and all the men are jerks. The plot is nonexistent, the script seems to have been written by an imbecile...it just roundly sucks. Avoid it, unless it's the MST version. Or unless you're a complete masochist.