Inseminoid - Un tempo nel futuro

The title caught our attention in the same way as Revenge of The Space-Hitlers, it's a title that says "this could be so bad that it would be entertaining". This is what we found. Low production values, low production costs, bad acting, bad dialogue, bad special effects - we found it hilarious (unlike Boggy Creek II, which was just plain awful)

After the prologue, the opening line is "Hey wait a minute!" as in "what's this strange thing I've found on this strange alien world" - get the idea? It's a classic demonic possession plot, where a nice girl is turned nasty by an alien intelligence, and then people get 'hurt'. This means that there is plenty of blood and pain, and some cracking screaming from Geeson. If Oscars were awarded for screaming, we're of the opinion she should have got a nomination at the very least.

To exemplify the bad dialogue: Woman in peril: "I can't do it!". Man trying to save woman with motivational words: "Can't is a word I don't understand! Come on, you can't give up!"

Also "Unknown energy fields are beyond the reach of this team."

Overall I'd describe this as a poor vehicle for nasty, bloody violence and a bit of sex, which made little sense. However, there is much entertainment in it's dire naffness.

This movie is, first and foremost, a rip-off of Alien. Pretty easy to see that right off. The budget is terrible, the acting is terrible, the writing is terrible, the direction is terrible and the music is terrible. This movie is terrible. Not just a little terrible but unbelievably terrible, in the stratosphere terrible. And thats why its so fascinating. Scene after scene, I was absolutely fascinated that a movie could be so terrible and yet it seemed to top itself. Just when I thought it couldnt get any worse, it did. I was entranced by this fact. I could not stop watching it for that reason. I watched Alien on DVD recently and I couldnt help but think of Horror Planet. Alien is so amazingly competent in every way that it is insulting to have to make any comparisons between the two. My advice is to rent Horror Planet and watch it. Watch every scene. Its not a long movie and never really boring, again not for the right reasons. Then, preferably on DVD or VHS widescreen, watch Alien. You will come away feeling such gratitude to Ridley Scott, the actors and producers of Alien that its worth the trouble of watching Horror Planet. Then, never ever ever EVER watch Horror Planet again, but keep re-discovering Alien. It is one of the greatest movies ever made.

INSEMINOID

Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (J-D-C Scope)

Sound format: Mono

Whilst exploring a series of caves beneath the surface of Jupiter's moon Xeno, a scientific research team unleashes a long-buried alien creature which impregnates one of the female members of the crew (Judy Geeson). With the subsequent pregnancy developing at an alarming rate, Geeson is compelled to protect her unborn 'children' from scientific scrutiny and begins to massacre her colleagues, one by one...

Responding to the worldwide appetite for overblown space operas established by STAR WARS in 1977, yet remaining true to his roots as a purveyor of exploitation-horror movies (SATAN'S SLAVE, PREY, etc.), British director Norman J. Warren developed the script for INSEMINOID with writers Nick and Gloria Maley, a team of special effects technicians looking for a vehicle in which to showcase their talents. With funding from British and Hong Kong sources, the film went into production at Chislehurst caves (a grim but picturesque location just outside London) shortly after Ridley Scott's ALIEN (1979) wrapped principal photography, though Warren and producer Richard Gordon insist the movie wasn't influenced by Scott's blockbuster in any way.

Unfortunately, INSEMINOID's lofty ambitions are somewhat undermined by its modest £1 million budget, yielding a range of sets, costumes and visual effects which are more reminiscent of "Blake's 7" and "Doctor Who" than STAR WARS, and the cheapskate production values often provoke unintentional laughter. Faced with some fairly amateurish dialogue, most of the cast can't help but sink to the occasion, though Geeson is remarkably good in the leading role, transforming herself from terrified victim to monstrous avenger with scene-stealing glee (unfortunately, she later bad-mouthed the film in no uncertain terms, despite recently admitting she'd never actually seen it!). Stephanie Beacham (SCHIZO, TV's "The Colby's") plays the material with earnest conviction, while Victoria Tennant (THE WINDS OF WAR) makes no impression at all as one of the early victims of Geeson's rampage.

For all its drawbacks, however, the film is fast-moving and eager to please, and benefits enormously from John Metcalfe's expansive scope photography, which Warren uses to evoke a sense of scale at odds with the movie's financial limitations. There's plenty of gory violence on offer, too, though Warren was forced to make a few cosmetic trims to some of the most explicit sequences for censorship reasons in the UK, and it's that version which has prevailed ever since. Sadly, despite the film's modest success (including America, where a slightly truncated print played theatrically under the title HORROR PLANET), the director was unable to finance another venture for several years afterward, and his final film to date, BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987), went straight to video. His long-cherished ambition to remake FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1957) has yet to happen, which is particularly regrettable - the genre has always needed talented mavericks like Warren, now more than ever.

For a movie from 1981, then "Inseminoid" (aka "Horror Planet") was still entertaining to watch today. After having read reviews that claimed it to be a rip off of "Alien", then I was a bit reluctant to watch it. I will say, however, that while it shares some similarities with "Alien" then it wasn't a rip off.

The story is about a group of interplanar archaeologists who stumble upon a cave-dwelling alien creature. The creature impregnates one of the crew members, and slowly she started to turn into a crazed killer while the alien offspring grows inside her.

Now, the movie is driven by its story and acting talents, and barely relying on the special effects. This wasn't a special effects extravaganza, not by a long shot.

As for the acting, then I will say that people were doing good jobs all round, which was crucial for the movie.

You can't really have an alien creature movie without a proper alien being. The alien in "Inseminoid" actually looked rather interesting and was nicely made. It just wasn't shown as much throughout the entire movie as I would have liked.

All in all, "Inseminoid" is an enjoyable Sci-Fi horror movie. But given its age, it is not a movie that stands out as memorable in comparison to the Sci-Fi horror movies that come out nowadays.

A friend bought me the DVD of Inseminoid knowing I like bad SF films. Boy did he hit the mark with this piece of sh!t. Thanks Mike.

Another of the countless Alien inspired ripoffs with any attempts at any Science Fiction elements soon abandoned after a few wafflings about crystals with "unknown energy fields" and the planet having twin suns. Soon the usual assorted crew members of the archaeological expedition are getting needlessly separated, doing stupid things like walking backwards down dark corridors, and generally doing everything they can to get eaten.

When the highlight of the movie is someone attempting to cut off their own foot with a hedge-trimmer (and just exactly why an exo-archaeologist is wandering around an alien cave system carrying a hedge-trimmer is never explained) you know you are in trouble.

There are many bad movie moments in this film. (Including a couple of classically bad fights with actors 'punches' missing each other by yards.)

Stephanie Beacham is the best thing in this movie and acts everyone else off the screen by doing as little as possible in the hope that no one notices her. And I got so bored staring down Judy Geeson's mouth as she screams, moans, mugs, and grimaces her way through her part that I started to count her fillings. I mean how bad does a movie have to get before you find the lead's dentistry the most interesting thing on the screen? And it never ends! It just goes on and on and on - and the music is AWFUL!!!

Please make it stop!!!!

A Serious Bad Night Out Award of the week this one.

The UK Stonevision DVD release of this film has a very amateur "Documentary" on the director as an 'extra'. It is bad, but more interesting and better than the movie.