Rattlers

They have yet to make a good horror movie about poisonous snakes, but this 70's anti-classic is so bad it almost approaches goodness. It's kind of the "Plan 9 from Outer Space" of killer snake movies. They couldn't really afford too many snakes or the special effects to create venom-bloated corpses, so they substituted a bunch of nonsense about military tests making the rattlesnakes go crazy (although they never explain why the snakes all hunt in packs or how they sneak up on their incredibly stupid victims). But speaking of incredibly stupid, the heroes are a male chauvinist herpetology professor and a feminist photographer, who of course fall madly in love while hunting down the killer snakes. The sexist professor insists that his job is no place for a woman, even though, aside from the snakes, all he really does is drive around the Mojave Desert, and I don't know what the female photographer is supposed to be photographing. For some reason, these two geniuses seem to do all their hunting at night (when you're hunting rattlers I guess you don't want them to see you coming). They sleep in a tent for no other reason than to wake up surrounded by snakes. Then during the climax of the film they suddenly take off to Vegas to whoop it up while the rattlers run amok. (Your snake-fighting tax dollars at work, I guess).

The most famous scene involves a young housewife being attacked in the bathtub. However, this scene is neither scary nor sexy--laughably stupid perhaps. I actually liked the opening scene with the two little boys the best, but it was pretty much all downhill from there.

What's this? A Harry H. Novak production that is rated PG? Yes Virginia, it's true. This movie is much less exploitive and explicit than other Novak productions. There's only a little blood, and the one scene of nudity comes from a brief look at a skin magazine one character is reading. While I can understand why Novak tried for something more respectable - it's often a lot easier to gather an audience for a PG movie than an R - he forgot to make the movie interesting. The main problem with the movie is that it's very boring. There's far too much chat and not enough action. And the action and horror that's in the movie comes across as quite flat. I'd never thought I'd find a Harry H. Novak movie that was boring, but that's what we have here.

Okay, I'm exaggerating when I call this a classic, but I like these '70s revenge-of-nature films. I remember seeing the trailers for films like "Rattlers" and "Grizzly" and "Empire of the Ants" on TV when I was a kid. But would my parents ever let me attend these gems? Heavens no! So now I'm making up for lost time as an adult, rediscovering these terrible films from my youth. In many ways these films are like a time machine to another era--an era with bad clothing, terrible dialogue, cool cars, and in-your-face feminism, buster! While you can't really destroy the plot of "Rattlers" (rattlesnakes attack people, duh!), I would urge you to watch the film for the "performance" of the main female lead. You haven't seen cardboard until you've seen her. Wow. Awesome.

A small desert community is ambushed by aggressive killer rattle snakes. Did that tin drum that the government secretly buried in the desert have anything to to with all of this? Hmmmmmmmmm.....maybe. Certainly no Academy Award nominations to be given here, but it's handled fairly well for what it is. The "girl in the snakey bathtub" scene became a thing of minor lore with schoolkids back in the 70's...today it's strictly "PG" fodder, if that.

Compared to several other films that emerged within this rather obsolete nature-horror sub-genre, you'll probably agree that there's worse trash than RATTLERS. Besides...if you find yourself bored by it, you'll find it's a perfect movie for playing "count the boom mic shadows".

4.5/10

This movie begins with two kids climbing up the walls of a canyon and falling into a rattlesnake pit. Because they are so disfigured by the repeated snake bites the local sheriff calls in an expert by the name of "Dr. Tom Parkinson" (Sam Chew Jr.) who works at a nearby college. Although puzzled by the numerous bites he doesn't really offer much help until other cases begin to emerge. After that he and a female photographer named "Ann Bradley" (Elizabeth Chauvet) are led by their investigation to a top-secret army compound which seems to be in the in the middle of all of the incidents. Now, rather than reveal any more of the movie and risk spoiling it for those who haven't seen it I will just say that this wasn't terribly bad as far as films of this nature are concerned. Personally, I didn't think the acting was too bad considering the awful script and some of the ridiculous scenarios the actors were given. That said, although I typically enjoy movies of this type I thought this particular film wasn't nearly as good as it could have been and I have rated it accordingly.