Diario proibito di un collegio femminile

'Horror Hospital' is a cheap and very cheerful slice of sexy, early '70s horror sleaze. It's probably the most polished director Anthony Balch made before his untimely death at the age of 42 in 1980. It was also the final acting job for Vanessa Shaw (Judy) who seems to have retired after this.

The cast is impressive. Robin Askwith - whose roles in often hugely un-PC fare such as 'Bless This House', 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner' and 'Carry On, Girls' haven't stifled a prolific career - plays Jason, a true-to-form randy twit who emerges as a kind of hero toward the end (his first words to Judy are, 'Relax, I'm not gonna rape you'). Skip Martin, fresh from Hammer's 'Vampire Circus', is Frederick. Also starring are Eileen Pollock, Dennis Price and top-billed Michael Gough, who puts far more effort into his role as Dr Storm than he did for Hammer's ground-breaking 'Dracula'. You might wonder what these people are doing in gory nonsense like this among a supporting cast of mostly non-actors, but the fact remains - it's gruesomely good fun.

It's one of those creaky British horrors that always show up on the BBC in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this is that the only ones watching are the drunks staggering in from the pub, or the insomniacs interested in a thrill to pass the time away with. The former are the better off because this is a film where not being of sober mind can only aid the viewing.

It's bonkers in plotting, Robin Askwith (just prior to his shift into a sex comedy franchise) is a stressed out singer with a pop group. He decides to go for some R&R at a country retreat. He hooks up with Vanessa Shaw on the train journey in, and once they arrive at the retreat they find it's a bizarro world inhabited by mute bikers, lobotomised robots, a malignant dwarf and a mad doctor (Michael Gough) in a wheelchair!

That's pretty much it, not much makes sense, there's a little sexy nudity, a whole host of sequences where the zombies do nothing of interest, some scenes of the dwarf (Skip Martin) mixing potions and puddings, and some cool fake fights between Askwith and chums and the crash helmet bikers. It plods along gleefully to the finale's big reveal and chase/escape sequence, to round it off as car crash cinema. Splendidly bad and joyful in subtexts. 5/10

Not only was Michael Gough in Sleepy Hollow, a film that boasted the tagline "Heads Will Roll," but Gough also stars in this early 70's horror film where decapitation is integral to the plot. So much for two heads are better than one. This film tells the story of some demented doctor that labotimizes young people so as to make them into his puppets. He is in a wheelchair, has a dwarf-servant, a car that has a blade pop out to slice heads off of people, a seemingly neverending supply of killers clad in biker outfits, and a penchant for cracking his metallic-sounding knuckles. Gough uses no restraint at all in his performance as the crazed physician. His rich aristocratic voice adds all the more to his crazed lack of restraint. Gough's performance is larger than life, not necessarily better. The rest of the cast is adequate. Dennis Price, not long before his death, gives a cameo as an effeminate travel agent. The setting in the film is truly nice, and the film has a good flow of action. Some lacking points are the huge holes in the script, the general editing done in the film, and some lacklustre performances in supporting roles. The film is bad, yet one of those bad ones that can be so enjoyable. Should be seen for Gough's over-the-top performance at the very least.

This is another film I remember from childhood, from the days of regular TV (free, broadcast, and adjust the "rabbit ears" for reception), as a crappy but atmospheric British monster picture.

Now, not only on cable, but on a premium service, I came across it again - and in letterbox format no less. Well, the film is still basically very flawed, but it really shows how much better crafted films once were.

While it remains a simplistic lots of onscreen gore effort, this picture is so much more beautiful to look at than many produced today. The cinematography is consistently superior, and well supported by excellent lighting and generally well scored music. And even though the special effects don't match up to todays films they retain some value in that they have more visual "weight" than some of the CGI crap routinely inserted in modern movies.

Unfortunately the wacky plot and mediocre (well, sometimes bad) acting show through in the end. It may be that the director was trying for a lot of humor at points but it only worked for me towards the end of the film when one of those fleeing the burning building stops for a snack in the kitchen.

As for the beheading car mentioned in another review: that particular element is worthy of Austin Powers' "Dr. Evil." I can see the good doctor in this movie also calling out "All I'm asking for is for some frickin' sharks with lasers on their heads."

If you've seen this before on broadcast TV, it may be worth a second look on video or DVD for the cinematography and for the sexual elements which explain the plot a little more. In the TV version I saw as a kid, the sexual theme was not at all evident, and so, the plot seemed even more outlandish than it actually is.

Still, if you happen by this big-time cable it may catch your interest, but all the way along you'll wonder why any premium channel could have chosen this film from their catalog. There are quite simply so many more old British shockers which are better than Horror Hospital."

-SCG

If Richard O'Brien, writer of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show", wasn't inspired to write his movie after seeing "Horror Hospital" I'd be very surprised. So many similar subjects: sexually active couple in old castle/mansion, leather clad bikers, gore, evil doctor, brain manipulated minions. Even the couple's arrival is almost a carbon copy of Brad and Janet's greeting by Riff Raff who is in this case a freaky dwarf (pc - little person). This movie was released in 73' which would have been just a year before he began the songs for his soon to be musical "Rock(y) Horror Show." This is a must see for any RHPS fans.