Hot T-Shirts

Truly awful T&A flick. It rises to a level of patheticness that I don't think I've ever seen before. It's incompetently written and performed - it's no surprise that director/writer Chuck Vincent made a lot of actual porn movies before turning to softcore in the '80s. The actors are slightly better than porn actors - slightly. The story concerns a schlub (Ray Holland) who owns a failing bar. His disco-loving buddy (Glenn Mure) can't quite convince him to turn it into a dance club, but he is able to persuade him to host wet T-shirt contests. The film has almost no real conflict, and its attempts to add it are always extremely weak. Yes, there are boobs on display - although a good alternate name for the flick would be The Itty Bitty Titty Committee - but naked breasts are pretty much a commodity nowadays. Sure, if this had come on Cinemax on a Friday night when I was 13, I'd be happy with it. Nowadays - I don't know why the Hell I bothered to sit through it.

When I came across this movie via a related movie link on Netflix, I was intrigued by the horrible reviews and rating. It seemed impossible that any movie could really have a complete absence of redeeming qualities. Although this movie's title implies a classic sex-romp movie so popular during the early 80s, it doesn't even accomplish that bit of harmless fun. This movie is quite frankly the worst movie I've ever seen. The acting is abysmal, cinematography is non-existent, or in some cases even counterproductive, and the plot line is so thin it looks almost random. Events wander from one scene to the next, connected only by the flimsy premise of a bar owner struggling to save his business by staging wet t- shirt contests every night, getting some very unlikely contestants. Even the presence of gratuitous nudity, doesn't help save this movie or even save the viewer from complete boredom. The only thing I will remember about this movie is the realization that it represents 86 minutes of my life that I will never get back. Be warned.

Having been curious about this low budget comedy since 1980 when I saw an ad for this at the now-long-closed Cinema 8 at the also now-closed Bon Marche Mall (actually the buildings those occupied are now remodeled as the Cox cable stations in our city), I managed to watch this on the Netflix channel. In a word...stinks! I mean, I was expected to be aroused by various naked women but instead, I was bored by the contrived plot about a heavyset man trying to get his bar to show profit. So what does he do? He stages a wet t-shirt contest! And then there were some complications such as some socially proper middle-aged women trying to picket the place because they're obscene to them so what does that owner do? He invites them in! Honesty, couldn't director/producer/co-writer Chuck Vincent simply try to make the thing as sexy as possible without all those contrivances getting in the way? Oh, never mind, I've already wasted too much time writing this review so on that note, Hot T-Shirt is definitely NOT worth seeing. By the way, one of the dancers looked familiar and no wonder why: she's Debralee Scott-previously "Hotsy-Totsy" on "Welcome Back, Kotter"-when she was just emerging at this time on another TV series called "Angie".

I saw this in New Westminster, British Columbia on a double bill with THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES HOLLYWOOD. It was the first(but not only)time I attended a movie with no women in the audience.The story involved young women living in a small town. The girls who were born in the town were constantly feuding with the ones attending the local college. They decide to settle their differences by forming teams and staging a wet t-shirt competition,just like real women would do. The theater I saw this at - The Paramount - is now a lap-dance club.