Il succhione

See this movie it is loads of laughs from all of the characters. Fans of Benny Hill, Monty Python, and anybody looking for a crazy and different movie needs to watch this. Not recommened for younger viewers because of the vast amounts of nudity. Great for lovers looking for a little romance movie. Has a little horror but is okay for you because it is quick. This is a type of movie if you rent it you will want to buy it. This is a great escape movie from the modern action movie or lousy sex movie(Showgirls). RENT IT IF YOU CAN FIND IT.

This is a badly dubbed German sex comedy/Dracula spoof from the late 70's disco era featuring horrid disco numbers like one apparently titled "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Rock Me, Dracula" (at least those are the only lyrics). But considering all this, it is not all that bad (in the same way that for a medieval torture, the thumb-screw is not all that painful). A young photographer has inherited an old castle and decides to make money by turning it into a disco, using his dimwitted, clothing-averse female models to publicize it. Little does he suspect that his ancient ancestor Dracula (who looks just like him) is living in the basement. He and his vampire wife have been kept at bay by the local village idiot (dubbed by a Peter Lorre impersonator), who has been providing them with blood surreptitiously taken from the local hospital. But now Dracula, tempted by the readily available, nubile disco queens and driven to distraction bad disco music, is about to, as the very 70's English language title puts it, "blow his cool".

There are plenty of bad jokes involving the randy town mayor, the local spinster "Ms. Nutcracker", and a giant ceramic phallus (you don't wanna know). There is also, fortunately, A LOT of female nudity. There's one attractive fraulein named "Mickey", who, when she's not actually naked, seems to be flagrantly violating US copyright laws by wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and carrying around Mickey and Minnie Mouse dolls (strangely, this very same year Jess Franco had a killer in a Mickey Mouse mask in his German-produced, disco-themed slasher flick "Bloody Moon"--for some reason the low-budget German film industry of that time seemed determined to antagonize the Disney corporation). The only really recognizable actress though is Betty Virges, who was in a lot of bad "coming-of-age" German sex comedies of this era like "The Fruit is Ripe" and "Summer Night Fever" (unfortunately however, her frequent co-star in these films, the luscious Olivia Pascal, is conspicuously absent here).

Not to say I would really recommend this to anybody, but it is intermittently entertaining. And lord knows I've seen A LOT worse stuff than this.

When photographer Stan turns his ancestral castle into a discotheque, he is unaware that his vampiric great-grandparents still live in the crypt, having spent many years feeding on stolen bottled plasma (supplied to them by their loyal servant Boris). Now, with an endless stream of young clubbers partying mere feet from their coffins, the undead couple cannot resist rising from their tomb to sample fresh blood.

A late-70s sex comedy from Germany, Dracula Blows His Cool is a puerile mix of slapstick, smut, and disco music that is unlikely to tickle the ribs of even the most unsophisticated audience. However, red-blooded males might find it easy to forgive the embarrassingly awful comedic content since the film also features a constant stream of nudity from a bevy of beautiful, buxom women.

And, if like me, you find that you can, from time-to-time, when in the right frame of mind, actually derive enjoyment from shockingly awful films (with loads of tits and soft-core sex), then there is a slim chance you could find this dated slice of trash worth watching. But it might be a good idea to get drunk first, just in case.

4 out of 10 (or possibly 5, if suitably rat-arsed).

My review was written in October 1983 after a screening at Anco theater on Manhattan's 42nd St.

"Dracula Blows His Cool" is a 1979 West German sexploitation comedy modeled after George Hamilton's "Love at First Bite". In release domestically the past year and finally opening in Manhattan, minor opus is reviewed here for the record. Pic's original title translates as "Count Dracula Bites Again in Upper Bavaria", but its English-language title was meant to be "Dracula Sucks", also an early rejected moniker for Hamilton's film. Ultimately, Philip Marshak's 1979 release starring Jamie Gillis used the "Dracula Sucks" name.

Premise resembles Howard W. Koch's 1958 pic "Frankenstein 1970", in poking fun at and updating horror material by placing a European men's magazine photographer Stan (Gianni Garko) in his ancestors' Bavarian castle snapping photos of unclad models against spooky backdrops. As with Hamilton's 1978 hit film, picture makes the most of the resemblance between vampire garb and contemporary fashions, with lots of musical filler on the dance floor of the local disco.

Stan's great-grandfather, Count Dracula (Garko again in dual role) is housed in the basement with Countess Olivia (Betty Verges), preying on locals but yearning to return to his native Transylvania. In film's lightweight format, the bites leave no telltale tooth marks on anyone's neck, no one is killed, and a silly happy ending has the castle converted into Hotel Dracula, with room service featuring a much-desired bite on the neck (or other part of the anatomy, this being a softcore sex film) for each tourist.

Burdened with execrable English-language dubbing of unfunny double-entendres, "Dracula" is attractively lensed on sunny Bavarian locations, with the mountains, forests and fields offering no horror atmosphere. Chief selling point is plentiful female nudity on display, including the beautiful Betty Verges, previously seen in the German film, "The Fruit Is Ripe", who makes a most striking Vampirella-style Countess Olivia.

Disappointment for the fans comes in Italian thesp Gianni Garko's unimpressive handling of the title role. For the record, over a dozen new Draculas or Dracula/Nosferatu imitations were made in a production burst for films and tv for the past five to six years, starring actors: Louis Jourdan, Klaus Kinski, Frank Langella, Hamilton, Gillis, Garko, John Carradine, Richard Lynch, Dick Shawn, Gerald FIelding, Enrique Alvarez Felix, Judd Hirsch, Michael Nouri, Peter Lowey, Johnny Harden, Christopher Berneau, Andres Garcia, Louise Fletcher (as "Mamma Dracula") and even Fabian Forte (in the 1978 Mexican pic "La Dinastia Dracula".

There are comedies that are funny. There comedies about Dracula that are very funny. This not one of them. This movie is not funny. If a Dracula movie is not going to funny then it should be scary. It is not scary. The acting in this movie is awful. The story line is awful. Dracula as never been so not scary. He is not funny ether. It is just stupid. Do not wast your time. Do not wast you money. Do not see this movie. This movie is pooh pooh. This is a pooh pooh movie. There real are not a lot of comedies that are funny. Most just think all comedies are funny. I am so one who think there are some comedies. But most of them are not. This is one that is not. But not Dracula movie are great. This is one that is not. Most people will laugh at any thing. I am some who like to laugh. I just don't laugh at any thing.