Cruise Into Terror

Now this '70s made-for-TV film has a fun little bit of history to it. While at the time bigtime TV-producer Aaron Spelling was executive producer on the massively successful "The Love Boat" series, it seems as if he thought it would be a great idea to produce some made-for-TV movies with the same wonderful boat setting, only this time adding thriller & horror to the mix. One of those movies turned out to be "Cruise Into Terror", about a bunch of people - ranging from average tourists to a doctor/professor/historian - ending up on a cargo ship en voyage towards the coast of Mexico. Oddly enough, Dr. Isiah Bakkun (the historian) is convinced of the existence of a sunken Egyptian pyramid near the coast of Mexico; a pyramid containing a sarcophagus containing... the Son of Satan! No kidding. Bizarre incidents & near-death accidents start happening soon enough, like sudden shark attacks and all technology on board giving up on them. Their fun 2-day voyage seems doomed, for some reason. When the ship eventually ends up floating dead in the water, they suddenly find themselves right above the location of the sunken pyramid. Naturally, both the greediest passengers (there must be a hidden treasure, of course!) as well as Dr. Bakkun consider this the chance of a lifetime. So they dive, bring up the sarcophagus and with it they bring on board a great, ancient evil. This might all sound a bit more exciting than it actually turns out, though. But still, this peculiar TV-movie remains a fun watch. Good old Ray Milland - who plays Dr. Bakkun - is mumbling his articulated lines with some enthusiasm and a young Dirk Benedict - once again playing a ladies' man, while also being the ship's second-in-command - is also amongst the cast, so that adds to the fun. And the sarcophagus - clearly made out of rubber - is one truly malevolent artifact. Or well, maybe not all that menacing-looking, but the thing is pure evil. Fun watch, if nothing else.

I was expecting this TV movie to be another whodunit on the sea, but instead it's a bonkers mash-up of Love Boat, The Omen, and the Curse of King Tut's Tomb. Boat captain Hugh O'Brian takes a small assembly of passengers on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, only for things to go wrong when they dredge up a small, golden Egyptian sarcophagus from the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.

It seems that the sarcophagus contains the body of the Antichrist, born on the same day as Jesus nearly 2000 years ago, and left dormant by Egyptian sailors in Caribbean waters. Now the Antichrist is awakening, and all aboard the ship, and perhaps the entire world, are doomed! Featuring Ray Milland as an archaeologist, John Forsythe and Lee Meriwether as a minister and his wife, Frank Converse as a physicist, and Dirk Benedict as the ship's second mate.

The movie is unfortunately not nearly as fun as the description makes it out to be, although there are some good unintentional laughs to be had.

In CRUISE INTO TERROR, an "all-star cast" sets off on a cruise through the Gulf of Mexico, only to be thrust into a life-threatening adventure into the unknown. Strange, near-fatal "coincidences" start happening.

Then, a cranky anthropologist (Ray Milland) wants to investigate a sacred tomb at the bottom of the Gulf, and the game is on! Things go from bad to worse, with supernatural occurrences aplenty. Annnd, there's a gale on the way!

Sort of like a haunted version of LOVE BOAT, this movie is a soggy cousin of HORROR AT 37,000 FEET. John Forsythe looks very stern and rants a lot as a preacher, while the beautiful Lee Meriwether tries her best to look frumpy as his frustrated wife. Christopher and Lynda Day George are also on board as a struggling married couple. The stunning Stella Stevens is a psychic divorcee, and Dirk Benedict is the First Mate.

This is guaranteed, top-of-the-line made-for-TV entertainment! Just make sure you watch out for that darned black cat!...

A genuine all-star cast (including Oscar winner Ray Milland) tackle a deep-sea treasure hunt. Milland plays an archeologist determined to prove the ancient Egyptians settled in Mexico by opening a tomb on the Gulf floor.

Let me read that again. Yep. That's right. I don't know what college hired Milland's character as a professor, but don't send your kids there.

High O'Brian is the square-jawed captain. His "Gilligan" is Dirk Benedict, who kids around so much it's no wonder he can't get a job on a better ship. John Forsythe is the recovering-alcoholic preacher who sets himself up as Milland's antagonist, warning him not to open the tomb because of a "curse." He utters lots of ridiculous, superstitious and anti-Biblical claptrap. I belong to and teach adult Sunday School at a fairly conservative Southern church and if we got hold of a preacher spouting this inanity we'd pitch him out OVER the front steps. The mark of a good actor is to hit his marks and not bump into the furniture, but the mark of a great actor is the ability to recite ridiculous dialogue and make it sound reasonable. Forsythe is a great actor.

Forsythe's jaded wife is an unglamorourized Lee Meriwether. Actually married couple Christopher and Linda Day George play a squabbling couple without much to do. Frank Converse (no, I never heard of him, either) plays a mysterious character with the more mysterious name "Lazarus" who mysteriously arrives without a ticket but whom O'Brien mysteriously lets on board because he said he had one . . . That's the slipshod way this ship is run.

Stella Stevens (leaning forward a lot in low-cut dresses) is the heroine who says she can read minds. And a couple of eye-candy girls are along for the ride, one who is hot and the other who is not (you can tell the latter because she wears glasses, the Hollywood sign of a frump).

Naturally, given the nature of looking for a submerged Egyptian tomb we're handed lots of underwater scenes. I don't like underwater scenes. I never can tell what's going on in them. And either these scenes are particularly murky or I got a poor print. Or both.

Historically, Biblically, sensibly, you name it, the story is garbage. But a talented cast is able to put it across so it makes some sort of sense in some sort of universe. I only wish it had been longer and the more neglected actors (all of whom I like) had more to to. It should have been a miniseries. I've actually witnessed worse. Really.

One caveat: the primary interest these "ancient horror awakes" movies have is in who dies. This movie goes on a long time with no deaths. Too bad. Short as it is, they can afford to cull some of the expensive cast.

Seeing so many future and past TV and movie stars in this movie is a guilty pleasure at it's worst and an enjoyable nostalgic romp at it's best. With such TV icons as John Forsythe, Stella Stevens, Lee Meriwether, Hugh O'Brian adding to an all star cast that includes Ray Milland one would think the story would get lost in all that talent. Ok, it sort of does but let's face it, this is basically a 1/2 season's worth of "Love Boat" guests in a TV movie and not serious film by any stretch of the imagination. Regardless of how seriously one does take this movie it's still fun to see what was supposed to be serious horror turn into another episode of "Satan's Love Boat"! Enjoy!