- [Willis has just learned his close friend has died in an auto accident]
- Willis Jackson: Oh no...
- [pause]
- Willis Jackson: [crying] Oh no...
- [Willis hangs up the phone and cries]
- Willis Jackson: Look at me. Crying just like a kid.
- Philip Drummond: No. Crying just like a man.
- Arnold Jackson: Be careful with my goldfish. His name's Abraham.
- Philip Drummond: I've never seen a black goldfish before.
- Arnold Jackson: That's okay. He never saw a rich white man before either.
- Philip Drummond: I'm sorry, Mrs. Garrett. I didn't mean to startle you.
- Edna Garrett: Oh Mr. Drummond, it's very dangerous to sneak up behind me. I'm going to karate class, and I just got an 'A' in "kicking where it hurts".
- Philip Drummond: Why are you still in bed, Arnold?
- Arnold Jackson: I'm studying.
- Philip Drummond: Superman is studying?
- Arnold Jackson: I'm too young for Wonderwoman.
- Philip Drummond: I'd better send for the limosine. Mother gets very impatient if she's kept waiting. I was born 3 days late. She didn't speak to me for a year.
- Willis Jackson: [Arnold refuses to fight the school bully] Alright, Arnold. Then I'll just tell Mr. Drummond what a coward you are. He'll talk some sense into you. Think he wants a coward for a son?
- Arnold Jackson: Awww Willis, please don't say anything to him.
- Willis Jackson: Well, somebody's gotta make a man outta you.
- Arnold Jackson: What's the rush? I'm barely outta toilet-training.
- Philip Drummond: Good morning, Arnold. Rise and shine!
- Arnold Jackson: Better not let Willis hear you say the word "shine". Back in Harlem, that's fightin' talk.
- Willis Jackson: [Mrs. Garrett catches the boys throwing punches] Uhhh, it's a new dance we're doing... It's called, ummm... The Punch Shuffle.
- Edna Garrett: Now if Mr. Drummond catches you practicing fighting, you're gonna switch from the Punch Shuffle to the Bruised Bottom Blues!
- Kimberly Drummond: Well, well, if it isn't Sleeping Beauty.
- Willis Jackson: You mean Sleeping Ugly.
- Arnold Jackson: I owe you an insult!
- Willis Jackson: Arnold's always under my feet. I'll never have any privacy until he gets married.
- Arnold Jackson: Married? On MY allowance?
- Willis Jackson: Mr. Drummond, it doesn't feel right getting money for not working.
- Philip Drummond: Then you'll never work for the government.
- Philip Drummond: Arnold, girls may confuse you now, but when you're all grown up... you will be completely confused.
- Philip Drummond: Arnold, I'm afraid there's just one solution. This calls for a spanking.
- Arnold Jackson: A *spanking*? There ain't enough of me to spank!