L'impero delle termiti giganti

I guess I'm the only one who noticed the potential "love story" here. Don't believe me? From the beginning it seems very clear that Robert Lansing's Dan Stokely has a thing for the bitchy Marilyn Fryser (played by everyone's favorite bitch, Joan Collins). Check out that elongated "stare" they share on the boat. Then there's Jacqueline Scott's droopy, whiny, bitter, button-obsessed Margaret Ellis. She has a thing for Dan, but Dan tries to brush her off by saying he doesn't need any buttons. The clincher, however, is when Marilyn decides to go it alone through the forest, but is immediately confronted by those annoying picnic pests. Take note how she runs back right into Dan's waiting arms. Note also how he eagerly holds her tight and caresses her. And make one final note at Margaret Ellis's reaction -- you think she was bitter before?

That one scene provides more drama and suspense than anything else in the film! For example: Does Margaret really love Dan? Does Dan really love Marilyn? Does Marilyn really want to give up her life as an independent and successful woman for the macho Dan? Will Margaret kill Marilyn so she can sew buttons for Dan? Will Marilyn kill Margaret and steal her buttons so SHE can sew them for Dan? Will Dan say "to hell with the buttons," rip off his shirt and have his way with both women? Or will Dan say "to hell" with both women and offer them up as sacrifices to the ants?

Alas, the movie never answers these questions. But wouldn't it be cool if it had?

Shortly before seeing this film, I saw Bert I. Gordon's other giant killer animal flick, The Food of the Gods, and on the basis of these two films, I've discovered two things about a director I previously knew nothing about; first of all, he obviously enjoys making films about giant animals, and secondly; he has very little in the way of directorial talent. My main complaint with The Food of the Gods, in spite of the fact that I knew it was going to be a somewhat less than brilliant film, was the fact that it was boring - unforgivable since it's about giant animals! The plot we have here is very similar to the earlier film, as a bunch of people travel to a secluded place and end up being attacked by animals which are larger than normal. This time, the group is lead by the scheming Joan Collins, who leads a bunch of property buyers to Florida on the promise of some bargain property. The property turns to be fake, Joan Collins a fraud and that barrel of toxic waste washed up on the beach has given the ants a growth spurt!

The obvious films to compare to this one are fellow giant ant movies such as the classic 'Them' and the interesting, but fairly boring Sci-Fi Phase IV, and this film isn't as good as either as those. The special effects are important in a film like this, and they're even worse than those seen in The Food of the Gods. The ants are just enlarged shots of real ants superimposed onto the screen, along with a couple of puppets to fill the gaps. As you can probably imagine, this doesn't look good; and it's hard to be convinced by a film with effects like these - cheap or not! The film stars Joan Collins, and she reaffirms what a shame it is that she went crazy with the plastic surgery as the pre-surgery Joan Collins is actually quite hot! The plot itself is nothing exciting - just your average monster flick stuff - running from the monsters, fighting the monsters etc. There's also a subplot involving the ants' pheromones that doesn't come off well at all. Overall, Empire of the Ants just misses the 'fun bad film' mark and ends up just being a bad film! It's not completely terrible - and it's better than The Food of the Gods - but I still don't recommend it!

Mr. BIG(Bert I. Gordon) does it again! He creates a truly bad science fiction film with amazingly poor special effects and some of the schlockiest character acting performances and dialogue around. Supposedly based on a story by H. G. Well's, The Empire of the Ants is about how a group of people go to one of those shin-digs put on by real estate folks hoping you will buy some of their resort property after drinking some of their third-rate drinks and eating some of their crummy snacks. Joan Collins is running the show, hoping to sell all the people who came by boat to her real estate project a lot. Seems she is not a wholly reputable businesswoman, yet she has no knowledge of the fact that giant ants that grew from a leaking can of nuclear waste have taken over the resort and begin feeding on her guests, first in pairs. In one of the more ridiculous scenes in the film, giant ants run on the dock, jump on the boat, attack one of the crew, and then cause the skipper, hardily played by Robert Lansing, to set fire to the ship and leave the survivors no recourse but to trek back by foot. The journey back causes lots of death and destruction. The most ridiculous scene in the film has an aged couple hiding in a cabin and then coming out to see these giant ants all over the hut and on the ground standing. I almost fell over laughing at the awful special effects! Finally, the remaining few reach a town that secretly has been taken over by giant ants that spray a mist over people and make them do their bidding. The second half of the film breaks any possibility that you take the film seriously. The first half, although filled with many a ridiculous moment, at least has some suspense and gives the actors a little screen time to show that some of them actually know how to act. The second half is a hodge podge of poor script-writing, bad character acting, and some more real cheesy special effects. The film is another testament to Mr. BIG's ability to create some of the campiest, bad sci-fi around. Despite all this negativity, the film is a load of unintended laughs!

Empire of the Ants (1977)

** (out of 4)

Mr. Big delivers another "big bug movie" with this one dealing with ants. Joan Collins plays a real estate con woman who takes a group of people to the future sight of a "great" beach front property. What they don't know is that a company has been pouring toxic waste in the ocean and unfortunately for them one barrel has found its way on shore and cute little ants have gotten into it. Soon these little creatures are now huge and eating humans. EMPIRE OF THE ANTS got the green light, I'm sure, because Gordon's previous film THE FOOD OF THE GODS turned out to be a decent hit. You really could have called this thing THE FOOD OF THE GODS PART II because they're quite similar but then again both are quite similar to the type of "big" movies Gordon was making in the previous two decades. There's certainly nothing new or original here but if you enjoy Gordon's films then I really see no reason why you won't enjoy this one. As you'd expect, the special effects are quite laughable with Gordon using the same technique in 1977 that he was much earlier in his career. Often times it seems as if the ants are walking in thin air and at other times you can obviously see the rear projection. Most films would be dead in the water with such bad effects but I think it adds some charm because of how serious Gordon treats them. Most directors would know these effects are bad and try to downplay them or hide them but not Gordon. He shows these bad effects with his head held high and it at least gives the viewer some entertainment. Collins and the rest of the cast do what they can with the material they're given but the humans certainly aren't the high point of the film. I think the film would have benefited from being at least ten-minutes shorter as things really start to drag during the final act.

Bert Gordon gave this film a good shot - and the results were not altogether bad. It was pretty well cast, too. What really kills it is the cinematography and some of the staging. The ant attacks are just not convincing and the special effects are horrid (especially the boat blowing up). The leads do an OK job, but the script just had tons of dead air and there's not much good dialogue. The bit where Margaret Ellis (played well by Jacqueline Scott) reminisces in the boat about her being fired after 20 years of working for the same boss is nicely delivered, but falls painfully flat. Things perk up a bit when Albert Salmi comes in as the sheriff. I guess Joan Collins' character got what she deserved in the end, but she doesn't seem like a truly evil person. Some sense of fulfillment is reached in the end when the two couples (seemingly in love) manage to escape. Still, a good drive-in flick and the whole set-up of the "real estate sales outings" seemed to be popular in the late 70s/early 80s when the market was really starting to boom. I guess I like this flick because four of the actors (Jacqueline Scott, Albert Salmi, Robert Lansing, Irene Tedrow) starred in episodes of "The Twilight Zone" and this movie certainly has elements of that great TV series. Bert Gordon's daughter, Susan, also starred in a "Zone" episode.