La valle del minotauro

My, my, my: Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasance must have been desperate for work to have lent their talents to this turkey. A horribly muddled story about satanism in modern day Greece, Land Of The Minotaur (aka The Devil's Men) is a misfire on more-or-less every level imaginable. It has precious few scares (always a slight flaw for a "horror" movie, don't you think?); weak performances; countless scenes where characters foolishly wander off alone or turn down the opportunity to remain in the safety of a group; and some rather irritating editing techniques which add nothing whatsoever to the proceedings. I got prematurely excited at the prospect of Cushing and Pleasance working together 17 years after The Flesh And The Fiends - but this film isn't worth getting remotely excited about; it's a huge let-down and rather an embarrassment for its much worthier leads.

In a remote region of Greece, outsiders such as tourists and archaeologists keep going missing, and local priest Father Roche (Donald Pleasance) suspects that something sinister is afoot. He writes to his friend, New York private eye Milo Kaye (Costas Skouras), asking him to fly out to Greece to help him get to the bottom of the mystery. In the meantime, three more visitors - Beth (Vanna Reville), Ian (Nikos Verlekis) and Tom (Robert Behling), who are all personal friends of Father Roche - go missing while snooping around nearby Greek ruins. Milo eventually arrives in Greece, but is initially dubious about Father Roche's beliefs that the missing people have been snatched for satanic sacrifices. Milo and Father Roche are also joined by Laurie (Luan Peters), the girlfriend of missing man Tom. Together, they uncover the activities of a Minoan devil-worshipping cult headed by creepy Carpathian exile Baron Corofax (Peter Cushing). These crazed cultists have been busily sacrificing their victims to a statue of the minotaur. Furthermore, they seemingly cannot be killed by normal means, so Father Roche has to use a variety of religious artifacts in his fight against them.

Land Of The Minotaur should have been much better than it actually is. The plot is so wacky and improbable that it has all the hallmarks of an enjoyably goofy cult/camp favourite. But the handling is just awful. Director Costas Carayiannis has no idea how to link the narrative together cohesively, so the whole thing progresses like it was being made up on a day-to-day basis. He also has no idea how to coax convincing performances from his cast, so they are left to embarrass themselves in either dreadfully hammy (Pleasance, Cushing) or dreadfully amateurish (Skouras, Peters) performances. What's worse is that the narrative makes no sense. Why would Father Roche seek help from a private eye who is utterly flippant about his beliefs? How does Roche know that the sacrifices only occur during a full moon? How can the minotaur statue speak? Why is one one of the sacrificial victims instructed during a vision to stab Father Roche, only to herself be stabbed a few scenes later before getting a chance to carry it out? And - most baffling of all - why does Father Roche drag Milo halfway around the world to help him when all he needs is a crucifix and and some holy water to dispose of the bad guys? These questions - and more - will pop into your mind during Land Of The Minotaur.... but, alas, there are no answers to be had. Frustrating, dumb and disappointing!

"The Devil's Men" (aka "Land of the Minotaur") is by no means a masterpiece, but very few horror films are. While there are good ones and bad ones, ultimately they're nothing more than *fantasies*--they ask you to suspend your disbelief. Horror films are not (or should not be) judged according to the same criteria as "Citizen Kane". Think "The Devil's Men" is bad horror? See "Ghost Story" and learn how the genre can be reduced to a pathetic cartoon (despite a big budget and a good cast). Think this is a low point in Peter Cushing's career? See "The Blood Beast Terror". This film actually has a lot going for it: strong performances from Cushing and Donald Pleasence (Cushing is particularly great in one of his few downright villainous roles), an eerie synthetic score by Brian Eno, and fine cinematography. It does get a bit dull in spots, but I haven't seen many movies that didn't. Director Kostas Karagiannis knew how to establish the proper mood for a film of this kind: witness the scene in which Pleasence, as the village priest, walks from his living quarters to the church to pray. He's a small figure in the immensely old, pagan landscape of Greece, which seems ready to swallow him up (and Eno's cue for the scene underscores this threatening feeling). Young horror auteurs, take note: it's little things like this that give the viewer a sense of unease. If, on the other hand, you just want to make the viewer feel sick or laugh, you'll bombard him with severed limbs and intestines. "The Devil's Men" is no award winner, but it's a creepy little film that's fun to watch. Its reputation as a bomb is undeserved.

Well, pardon me for being excited at the prospect of watching Donald Pleasence and Peter Cushing in a '70s horror film. It does not take long to see why this film, titled "Land of the Minotaur" in the US but also possessing the horrendous title "The Devil's Men", is not more widely seen today or spoken about. It is such a dull film lacking in scares, drama and any other sort of talent that it is a wonder that Cushing and Pleasence were even in it. It has to have been a good pay-day for them. In fact, the entire budget must have went towards securing their contracts, because evidently there was nothing else left by the time they went to shoot this absolute borefest. Nothing happens, and there is nothing of interest apart from the banter between the priest and the PI, that swings between jovial and nasty. The director must have slept his way through the film, the editor had nothing to do because the film gives the impression that what was shot as quickly as possible and stuck together. Every single trope you can think of from Satantic horror films makes its way in here, and is done in a way that the film-makers shrugged and said "They've seen it before, why bother making an effort or putting a new spin on it?" I am surprised of Cushing and Pleasence not being able to see through this one when they were approached.

This is the strangest episode of Father Ted that I've ever seen. It seems to be some sort of prequel starring Donald Pleasance as a younger Father Jack, who is situated on an island in Greece. Jack isn't doing too good a job of stopping tourists he meets from being sacrificed by the local Minotaur cult run by Bishop Brennan (played by Peter Cushing). Jack so far has:

1) Let two tourists be sacrificed at the start of the film then gets ignored by the police. 2) Fails to warn three further youngsters, then just watches as they sneak off into the night. 3) Waits until one of those three people escapes capture, then after she gets captured he phones New York to get help from a young Father Ted!

Ted does actually seem to be played by Dermot Morgan, so that's good. He gets to Greece and Father Jack is whining about how the devil and the Minotaur are the same needs to be stopped but Ted is giving the glad eye to a young Mrs Doyle who is looking for one of her friends. It's around this time that we realise that just about everyone in the town is part of the Minotaur cult, but it takes Jack and Ted an awfully long time to figure this out, after:

4) They totally ignore the one villager who was going to tell them the whole deal. She gets murdered not long after. 5) Leaving Mrs Doyle alone while the Minotaur cultists play 'peek-a-boo' at her bedroom window. 6) Leaving Mrs Doyle alone so she can be captured by the cultists.

Periodically Peter Cushing turns up as the local Baron/Head Cultist so he can pulls faces at the two of them and say 'What's up bitches?" before getting into his Rolls Royce and driving off. Things come to a head during the ceremony to kill Mrs Doyle, but will good win against evil?

This is pretty dull, unengaging stuff from start to finish. I've heard there's a version with slightly more gore and nudity in it, but then the version I watched had the 'people exploding' bit at the end, but no nudity. It just needed a kick in the arse action wise from start to finish, as Jack and Ted mostly wander about retracing the steps of the people who were captured and glaring at the locals.

Brian Eno did the soundtrack, however. I do recognise one track from Music For Films, but the rest was new to me. Not bad.

You can avoid this one though.

Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasance are legendary actors, and director Kostas Karagiannis was the man behind the successful Greek Giallo-esquire thriller Death Kiss in 1974; and yet when you combine the three talents, all you get is this complete load of drivel! God only knows what drove the likes of Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasance to star in this cheapie devil worship flick, but I really do hope they were well paid as neither one deserves something as amateurish as this on their resumes. The story focuses on a group of devil worshippers that kidnap some kids, leading another group to go after them. The pace of the plot is very slow and this ensures that the film is very boring. The plot is also a long way from being original and anyone with even a passing interest in the horror genre will have seen something a bit like this, and no doubt done much better. The obvious lack of budget is felt throughout and the film doesn't manage to overcome this at any point. This really is a depressing and miserable watch and not even a slightly decent ending manages to up the ante enough to lift this film out of the very bottom of the barrel. Extremely poor stuff and definitely not recommended!