Il molto onorevole agente di Sua Maestà britannica

Tom Adams returns for a second go-round as Charles Vine, but without his broom handle Mauser.

This second edition is intended to be more of a spoof from the get go, I can tell this because half the actors are familiar faces from UK comedy, all hamming it up to the hilt, rather than because there is any great amount of humour inherent in the script itself. It's mainly comedy in the broad style of a "Carry-On" movie, which relies heavily on the energetic mugging of the actors themselves in order to generate laughs (there is even a cameo from "Carry-On" stalwart Sid James). Meanwhile the other half of the cast are still playing it straight, while another overcomplicated plot contains long sequences that are devoid of comedic possibilities.

For me it makes for an odd mixture, the comedy and drama are each diluted by the other and, as a result, neither aspect is able to build any momentum. Emblematic of this issue is the character "Seraph", played by Tim Barrett, who is, on one hand, supposed to be a deadly assassin, while, on the other hand, playing the fool for cheap laughs, undermining any serious credibility as a threat, or adversary, for Tom. As it happens he ends up being despatched by the Russians, for no logical reason, other than to facilitate a couple of action scenes in the unconvincing plot.

Another disappointment on the acting side is Michael Ripper as "Angel". He plays the lead villain, which is a big step up for him from his usual supporting roles in Hammer productions. At first I thought he might be an interesting Himmler style villain, with his crew-cut and glasses, until it dawned on me that he was actually intended to be Asian, complete with false front buck teeth, in the worst UK / USA tradition of a Japanese WW2 caricature.

There are plenty of action scenes, but they are all poorly choreographed and executed, by comparison with many of the Italian / Spanish productions I have been watching. Outside of the Bond franchise itself, filming hand to hand combat sequences seems to be a common weakness in UK spy movies of this era (however they do a much better job in television).

Tom's performance remains nicely understated (or slightly wooden, depending on what mood the viewer is in) but the sexual innuendo one liners he is given to deliver are again a highlight for me, most being worthy of an actual Bond movie IMHO.

By my count he again manages to bed three women in this one, which keeps him up there in the big league, alongside Connery and Moore. There's Sue Donovan, as Celia, at her place, Suzan Farmer, as Caron, on the train and finally Dawn Addams, as Fiz, twice, at the airbase and again on the plane itself, after she is lowered in from a helicopter, in order to save Charles (and the top secret aircraft) from crashing (auto-pilot is a wonderful invention).

Bondian Banter

(During the "Q" Scene, Tom is on the firing range and shoots a busty female silhouette target twice in the brazier)

Officer - "Passing fair I suppose"

Tom - "How kind"

Officer - "Incidentally Vine, how to you keep your trousers up?"

Tom - "Self-control"

(After being picked up by Sue)

Sue - "Home Charles?"

Tom - "No, St James', I'm afraid"

Sue - "There are crumpets still for tea"

Tom - "Much as I adore crumpets..."

(During the "M" scene)

Rockwell - "By the way Vine have you checked through your security regulations recently?

Tom - "Every day Sir"

Rockwell - "Then how is it that 'A' section reports you were picked up by a woman right outside the armoury this morning?"

Tom - "That Sir, was an unfortunate co-incidence, she just happened to be passing by at the time"

Rockwell - "A lot of women seem to spend most of their time just passing by you don't they"

Tom - "I wouldn't go so far as to say that sir, a few of them have been known to stop"

(Tom and Sue are in bed)

Tom - "Can you smell something burning?"

Sue - (Giving Tom a meaningful look) "Yes" (clinch)

(Later Sue gets up and goes to into the kitchen to check, wearing only Tom's shirt)

Tom - "Can I have my shirt back"

Sue - "Are you going to wear it?"

Tom - "Eventually..." (smirk)

MASTER PLAN: steal a prototype airplane. It's a rather basic, nuts-'n'-bolts take on the superspy genre - think the James Bond films of the sixties with only a quarter of the budget and no star quality - there was nothing special to justify further films. In this follow-up to "Licensed to Kill" of the previous year, Tom Adams reprises the role of Charles Vine, the 2nd Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World (2nd to Bond, of course). Adams actually warmed to the part here and the tone is slightly more satirical, but the plot is quite dull, even inconsequential. The actor Arnatt is also back as Rockwell, this film's version of M, the supervisor. Besides the slow pace, one scene is even baffling: during a meeting in Rockwell's office between Rockwell, Vine and a double agent, a cat is seated on Rockwell's desk; much of the scene is from the cat's perspective and we also see the faces of the 3 men superimposed over the eyes of the cat. I thought the meaning would be made clear later, but no such luck.

Vine is not very impressive in this story. At one point, he's captured by enemy agents, kept in an odd electrified room which mocks the usual Bond torture scenes and is also drugged, revealing a secret location. His escape is facilitated through the sacrifice of a female; enemy agents proceed to the location Vine gave up and kill the people on-site; Vine follows, punches out a guard - one of the good guys - and, after a long chase, fails to capture the villain. By this point, I was thinking Vine may be the 3rd or 4th best secret agent - maybe even the 5th. In fact, any success Vine enjoys in his struggles, right to very conclusion, stems from the ineptitude of the bad guys. Though much of this is lame, including the strained humor and weird giggling by the main villain, it does retain a bit of the charm of its predecessor. Towards the last half-hour, the focus seems to switch to how many ladies Vine can seduce rather than foiling the plots of the dastards. Dawn Addams, top-billed with Tom Adams, appears late and too briefly. There followed a 3rd film, "OK Y-"something, filmed in Spain, which almost no one has seen or heard of. Hero:6 Villains:5 Femme Fatales:6 Henchmen:4 Fights:5 Stunts/Chases:5 Gadgets:4 Auto:5 Locations:5 Pace:4 overall:5

Budget-wise, location-wise and production value-wise, this bargain basement spoof of the Bond films pretty much scrapes the barrel. Actually, though, John Gilling (better known for Hammer horror) directed it niftily enough and in patches even makes it quite witty.

Tom Adams carries off the hero part with nice deadpan aplomb and gets good support from Michael Ripper as main baddie Mr Angel, Joe Baker as an oafish Labour minister, and a Sid James cameo as a mortuary attendant ("Business is perking up here," he says over the phone while ducking from a frenzied shoot-out). Cheesy organ music and locations that include a gasworks and sewer add to the threadbare fun.

Tom Adams is Agent Vine (not Bond) in this film that is so unfunny that it runs way too serious and makes the film look like a poorman's James Bond clone. The opening scene involving agent dressed in drags, cool opening credit, and the Sidney James scene is the only highlight in this film. Either than that, the film is just plain boring. Adams played the character well, but the script didn't leave him to do much spoof or comedy that he's character runs flat. Very disjointed script. Not recommended.

Adams played the Charles Vine character in a series of these films - I'm guessing they did OK business in Europe, because there's no way their UK business would have brought production back after the first one. "Where the Bullets Fly" is pretty bad. Tom Adams early in his career demonstrated that he was a capable actor in the Sturges actioner The Great Escape. It's sad then that he didn't have the opportunity to play in something better than this - when this film was made British cinema was in terminal decline.

Adams mentioned in a newspaper article in the 1980's that when this movie would occasionally play on TV, he'd receive abusive mail - not hard to see why.