- Meredith: I'll tell you what this pregnancy's taught me: It's taught me how it feels to look like the back end of a bus and sit around every night with nothing to do!
- Ted: Your wife is at peace, Mr. James. A quick and merciful death. I don't suppose she ever knew what hit her.
- James Leamington: Something hit her?
- James Leamington: [taking Georgy into his study] Now, Georgy, I want you to sit quiet and listen for a moment. I'm 49 today.
- Georgy: [nonchalantly starts singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"] For he's a jolly good fellow...
- James Leamington: Shut up! I'm 49. Notice that: not 50 yet. When I first met your dad, I was 27 and just got married. Your dad was unemployed and couldn't afford to marry your mother. I took him on. She came along as housekeeper, and they got married. Ellen and I have never been blessed with children. As a result, I've tended to look upon you as my daughter. I've always been sorry that you weren't. But now I'm glad.
- Georgy: Because of what I did out there?
- James Leamington: No. I brought you in here to make you an offer.
- Georgy: You want to adopt me?
- James Leamington: Georgy, please! No, something quite different. I want you to be my mistress.
- [last lines]
- Georgy: Well, say it properly then.
- James Leamington: Georgina...
- Georgy: [over song] Oh my god! Mother! Wait! Mother! Wait! Mother!
- James Leamington: [talking about his late wife] She was a beautiful woman... *beautiful*. Tolerant. Civilized... and about as exciting as a half brick.
- Jos Jones: [visiting Meredith in the maternity ward, shortly after she's given birth] How are you feeling?
- Meredith: Lousy.
- Meredith: [glancing at the newborn baby] Well? Aren't you going to look at it? This is your marvelous child you couldn't bear being destroyed, remember?
- Meredith: [while Jos gets up and looks at the baby] It's hideous. I hate it... It gave me hell.
- Jos Jones: [looking at the baby, rather indifferently] All new babies look like that. You'll like it when it's a bit older.
- Meredith: Oh no. I want it adopted. Now.
- Jos Jones: [He sits back down] I've got a rotten headache. Have you got any aspirin or dope or anything?
- Meredith: [scoffs] Huh! Not that I couldn't use it myself... How do you feel about adoption, anyway? If I ask the nurses here, they'll plague me with sermons.
- Jos Jones: You're a bitch.
- Meredith: You're a bastard.
- Jos Jones: Georgina! George, where are you? You great, sexy beast! I'm free! Hey. I've chucked in that god-awful job at the bank and I'm free. Now we can spend all day in bed together. Hey, where are you? Hey, where are you hiding that great, seraphic body of yours, eh? Come out! Come out. Come out. Come out.
- [undressing, he stops short when he sees the health inspector]
- Health Visitor: Mr Jones?
- James Leamington: How's the pregnancy going?
- Georgy: Oh, lumping along.
- James Leamington: Still at the flat?
- Georgy: That's right.
- James Leamington: The three of you?
- Georgy: Four, soon.
- James Leamington: That's not very fair on you. The wife, the husband, too.
- Georgy: We share.
- James Leamington: You share? Share what? Him?
- Georgy: The flat.
- James Leamington: Well, it all seems very offbeat, if you ask me.
- Georgy: [sarcastic] Ooh, it is. It's dead kinky. We all dress up as Boy Scouts and beat each other with our woggles.
- Georgy: I'm going to be the bridesmaid. And don't you throw that bouquet at me. You give it to me carefully, 'cause I won't have my glasses on and I might drop it.
- Meredith: No bridesmaids, darling. No confetti, organs, vicars, Mendelssohn, or Moss Bros. Up the registry, quick in and out, ta very much. Next, please.
- Georgy: Oh, Meredith, you must do something.
- Meredith: I'll tell you what, Georgy.
- Georgy: What?
- Meredith: You can be best man.
- Jos Jones: [while making out, he inexplicably stops] That's enough of that, Georgy.
- Georgy: Why? I like it! Why are you stopping? I know I'm not pretty like Meredith.
- Jos Jones: [she cries] Oh, god, no. You're not like Meredith. Well, I couldn't go to bed with you like I do with her, then grab a tomato sandwich and then rush out and catch the 72 bus. Hey. With you, it would be just one long, drawn-out bloody drama. All this whining and carrying on. You know, the trouble with you is you could say that you're a good girl. So I'm sorry, lass.
- Jos Jones: Where's that rude girl, eh? Lying lasciviously in bed? Contemplating in the loo? Aha! Lounging in the bath.
- [singing]
- Jos Jones: You'll look a little lovelier each day.
- Georgy: She's gone out, Jos. She had to. Suddenly.
- Jos Jones: Uh-huh. I brought some supper for the two of us.
- Georgy: [tasting a morsel] Mm. Soggy.
- Jos Jones: I meant Meredith and me.
- Georgy: Obviously.
- Jos Jones: And now she's out. Did she say any time?
- Georgy: 8:00, Uh, 7:30.
- Jos Jones: Get out the Scrabble, then.
- Georgy: O-C-H-R-E. Ochre. I win!
- Jos Jones: Oh! I had "ZHO". Z-H-O.
- Georgy: Hey, what's that when it's at home?
- Jos Jones: A Himalayan ox.
- Georgy: Truly?
- Jos Jones: Truly.
- Georgy: Had some good words. "Catagmatic". "Sostenuto".
- Jos Jones: One of the few advantages of a musical education, my dear.
- Georgy: [he whistles Beethoven's Fifth Symphony] You ought to leave that bank, Jos. Go back to your proper work.
- Jos Jones: I wish I could, George. But second-rate flautists are fourteen for tuppence.
- James Leamington: [talking about Georgy] I never see her these days. Doesn't it worry you sometimes, the danger she runs?
- Ted: Danger?
- James Leamington: The people she mixes with. She's not more than a child.
- Ted: She's as tough as old boots! Do you know when she was eight, she could crack a walnut with her fist?
- Jos Jones: I don't want to save anybody. That's where you're a freak, Georgy. Not being big and ugly and all that, it's this wanting to save people.
- Ted: Oh, she's nipped off.
- James Leamington: By the look of it. If I were you, Ted, I'd take her across my knee, pull down her knickers and give her a good - tanning.
- Jos Jones: [joking about] Quit stalling. I'll pump you full of lead. You're a two-timing broad.
- Georgy: No, not broad.
- Jos Jones: Yes. Very long. Very long, but you're a broad too. Hey! Are you longer than you are broad? Or is your broad broader than your long? Hey? How is your broader anyway and your sister?
- Meredith: For God's sake, Georgy, you don't expect me to have a meal with you if I can go to a party, do you?
- Meredith: I'm bored. Bored living with Georgy. I think we ought to get married. We don't fight, we love it in bed, and - well, that's about it, really.
- Jos Jones: You must be pregnant.
- Meredith: Yes.
- Jos Jones: Meredith, there's absolutely no point at all in us getting married when I know nothing about you except - well, things that I don't like.
- Georgy: You're not. Not again. It's no use you asking me to lend you the money this time, because I won't. I don't care if it's old hat. I know it's just a middle-class taboo and the law needs changing and the population of these islands will double by the year 2000. I won't do it! I'm saving up, anyway, to go to Majorca.
- Jos Jones: I'll stop at nothing. I'm gonna strip stark-naked if you don't come home with me right now. You don't believe me, do you?
- Doris: Mrs Leamington's gone.
- James Leamington: Gone?
- Doris: Gone!
- James Leamington: Gone where?
- Doris: She's dead.
- Jos Jones: Look at us. Here we are, sitting by the light of the silvery telly. We're like the old married couple.