Agente H.A.R.M.

fail. Yes the hero in this one will get no medal for his work in this one. The movie is trying to be a Bond movie, but when you only have a camera, 25 dollars, and one weekend to shoot...you may want to rethink that idea. The movie is about an agent protecting a scientist and his hot neice. He does this by hanging around their house for the weekend. Meanwhile, the villains including Prince and a bunch of other lugs are developing a biological weapon that turns people into fungus. The hero offs a couple of people once strangling a guy with a coat hanger and the second time by frying a person with a tv and of course he flirts endlessly with this gal who is young enough to be his daughter. He also reports to his boss who seems to be drunk. By the end of the movie our hero finally leaves the one location and then we find out why he so wanted to stay there because he really screws up big time away from it.

If you thought Pierce Brosnan was a bad Bond, I think Peter Mark Richman will make you change your mind. Agent Adam Chance superficially is all the things Bond is: self-confident, good with women, and working for a secret organization. The problem is that the character also needs a little thing called charisma if the cockiness is going to work. With Richman, it just becomes laughable. Bouncing around in his yellow cardigan, it's a wonder the bad guys don't laugh themselves to death.

Agent for H.A.R.M.(whatever that stands for, we are never told) has absolutely no pace at all. After a hilarious first segment with some Russian spies, we get 80 minutes of boredom, odd dialogue (the "apple pie" part still doesn't make any sense to me), horrendous acting, and very little action, if there even is any.

The most blasphemous part is how our utterly hate-able, seemingly 60 years old "hero" gets the 20-ish blonde at the end. If this part doesn't make you want to throw up, I don't know what will (of course, there's a chance that you've already turned off the movie, or suffered a coma, at this point).

One of the dullest rip-offs ever made.(review#3)

Let's say you're a refugee scientist from some foreigny country, hiding in Southern California working on antidote to some killer spore virus that's going to be sprayed on America's crops, to be baked into apple pies. Would you let a smug, fifty-ish, cardigan-wearing, skill-less "secret agent" into your home, to sleep next to you and your sexy, sexy, sexy neice? I wouldn't.

Anyway, Peter Mark Richman, who you may remember from "Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhatten", IS Adam Chance, Agent for H.A.R.M. He answers to one- except Wendell Corey, as the head of H.A.R.M. Here, Wendell is as drunk as he was in "Women of the Prehistoric Planet" but not as drunk as he was in "Astro-Zombies".

Enjoy!

As with many cinematic stinkers, I never would have encountered this one if it hadn't been for MST3K. Perhaps in editing the movie for the show the producers had to cut out the part of the flick that explained what H.A.R.M. stood for, if such an explanation was ever given at all.

One could tell this was going to blow chunks from the tone set by the opening scene, with the elderly dude and his assistant fleeing through a culvert, being chased by a lone Soviet soldier armed with an American battle rifle (seeing as how the credits so kindly thanked Colt Firearms for the weapons used in the film, I guess I'll have to overlook that faux pas, seeing as how the mini pistol carried by the 'Agent for H.A.R.M. was so non-descript as to leave me guessing who might have manufactured it).

The rest of the movie was quite unintentionally funny, from the drunk sounding spymaster to the evil henchman who resembled Prince, to the much maligned cardigan worn by our hero Adam Chance. Although at his age, bones chill more easily, so I can understand his choice of such a sensible garment, although he could have picked a better color than that gawdawful yellow. The one shining spot in this whole mess was Eva, who, despite being a dirty commie spy, was pretty hot. I sure miss the Cold War, don't you?

Sorry, but Mark Richman is no Sean Connery. On his best day he might be a Neal Connery (see Operation Double-007). Here he stumbles through this effort to cash in on the 60's superspy bondwagon. His character seems perplexed by the entire plot...and he's not alone. What the heck is going on is anybody's guess. There's action, and bad guys, and a secret device (a manufactured flesh-eating virus: the movie's prophetic despite itself). But it's like watching a slide show. Nothing connects to anything, nothing flows. At the end you find yourself wondering why you wasted 90 minutes.