- Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
- Museum Girl: Yes, it is.
- Allan: What does it say to you?
- Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
- Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
- Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
- Allan: What about Friday night?
- Allan: I wonder if she actually had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night?
- Allan: I can't do it. How does it look? I invite her over and then come on like a sex degenerate. What am I, a rapist?
- Bogart: You're getting carried away. You think too much. Just do it.
- Allan: We're platonic friends. I can't spoil that by coming on. She'll slap my face.
- Bogart: Oh, I've had my face slapped plenty of times.
- Allan: Yeah, but your glasses don't go flying across the room.
- Dick: [Allan's imagines Dick walking out in the ocean to commit suicide] How could they? My wife and my best friend. I loved her. I loved him. Why didn't I see it coming? Me who had the foresight to buy Polaroid at eight and a half.
- Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
- Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
- Allan: What about Friday night?
- Bogart: I never saw a dame yet that didn't understand a good slap in the mouth or a slug from a .45.
- Nancy: You're a dreamer. You're awkward. You're clumsy. They can see how desperate you are. You know this. You said it yourself. Oh, face it, Allan. You may be very sweet but you're not sexy.
- Allan: I had to go to Washington once when I was married, and even though I was the one leaving, I got sick; and when I returned, my wife threw up.
- Allan: I'll get broads up here like you wouldn't believe: swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs, dental hygienists.
- Allan: You want a Fresca with a Darvon?
- Linda: Unless you have apple juice.
- Allan: Apple juice and Darvon is fantastic together!
- Linda: Have you ever had Librium and tomato juice?
- Allan: No, I haven't personally, but another neurotic tells me they're unbelievable.
- Dick: Could I get a coke with nothing in it?
- [last lines]
- Bogart: That was great. You've, uh, you've really developed yourself a little style.
- Allan: Yeah, I do have a certain amount of style, don't I?
- Bogart: Well, I guess you won't be needing me any more. There's nothing I can tell you now that you don't already know.
- Allan: I guess that's so. I guess the secret's not being you, it's being me. True, you're - you're not too tall and kind of ugly, but - what the hell, I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Bogart: Hmmph. Here's looking at you, kid.
- [first lines]
- [after the opening clips of Casablanca]
- Allan: [voice-over] Who am I kidding? I'm not like that. I never was, I never will be... That's strictly the movies.
- Allan: I gave her a home and affection and security. This was a little girl I found waiting tables at The Hip Bagel. I used to go in there every night and over tip her. A dollar fifty on a thirty-five cent check.
- Allan: I attacked her. I'm a vicious jungle beast! She's panicking. By the time she gets home she'll be hysterical. What am I going to tell Dick? She'll probably go right to Police headquarters. Oh, what did I do? I'm not Bogart. I never will be Bogart. I'm a disgrace to my sex. I should get a job in a Arabian palace as a eunuch!
- Dick: [On the phone] Let me tell you where you can reach me, George. I'll be at 362-9296 for a while; then I'll be at 648-0024 for about fifteen minutes; then I'll be at 752-0420; and then I'll be home, at 621-4598. Yeah, right George, bye-bye.
- Linda: There's a phone booth on the corner. You want me to run downstairs and get the number? You'll be passing it.
- Allan: Look. Last night you felt like a woman and I felt like a man... And that's the kind of thing those people do.
- Dick: [On the phone] Hello, this is Mr. Christie, look, I'm no longer at 752-0420, I'm at going to be home at 621-4598. What? Yes, I'll hold on.
- Linda: Allan, do you realize what a wonderful thing has happened? Allan the most beautiful thing in the world has happened right under our very own noses. We've had a wonderful experience. Doesn't that surprise you? You didn't have to do anything. You didn't have to leave any half open books lying around. You didn't have to have on the proper mood music. Why, I even saw you in your underwear with the days of the week written on them.
- Linda: Oh, I don't regret a moment of what's happened; because, what its done for me is to reaffirm my feelings for Dick.