- Sid Plummer: How about some food?
- Beattie Plummer: Well I could make you some beans on toast or something?
- Sid Plummer: No, nothing too elaborate, thank you.
- Wm. C. Boggs: [W.C. Boggs on fortune tellers] Fakes, that's all they are, sitting there staring in their crystal whatsitsnames.
- Sid Plummer: Balls.
- Wm. C. Boggs: I quite agree!
- Agatha Spanner: [waving a dinner knife] This is a respectable and refined neighbourhood *and don't you bloody forget it*.
- Vic Spanner: How can I, when you keep reminding me of it so nicely.
- Sid Plummer: [disguised as a fortune teller Sid is prognosticating on Wm. C. Boggs and Miss Withering's future] I see a marriage and one, two, three... fourteen children!
- [Sid and Beattie Plummer are discussing the mating habits of budgerigars]
- Beattie Plummer: Well, we know Joey's a he-bird...
- Sid Plummer: Cock.
- Beattie Plummer: He is! The man in the pet shop said so!
- [Vic walks out on his job at Boggs and is leaving the forecourt]
- Girl: Excuse me but they sent me from the exchange. I'm the new canteen girl. Can you tell me where I go?
- Vic Spanner: Oh Yes. I was just going in myself, I'll show you where it is. Yes, we've got a lovely pair of canteens here and a nice load of people.
- Chloe Moore: Oh, hello Fred, Sid just give me a lift home.
- Fred Moore: I hope that's all he gave you!
- Agatha Spanner: [in reference to the motorcycle revving noise] Stop that row and get that thing out of here! Go on you great big lump!
- Mrs. Spragg: Quite right, Mrs Spanner. It's a disgrace it is!
- Agatha Spanner: You mind your own bloody business.
- Bunny Waitress: [leaning over Lewis] Yes?
- Lewis Boggs: [trying to order more drinks but inadvertently pointing to her breasts] I'd like another couple of those please.
- [Myrtle is not impressed]
- Lewis Boggs: I mean, these, please.
- Myrtle Plummer: If I was you I would have stuck to your first request!
- Chloe Moore: Fred do you really think I would I'd want to play around with anyone else about when I got a smashing bloke like you to play around with?
- Fred Moore: I know women, when there's no prime beef handy they'll do with any old scrag end.
- Chloe Moore: Well then you want to make sure there's plenty of prime beef when they need it, don't you?
- [Miss Withering tests out Mr Boggs' new toilet seat]
- Wm. C. Boggs: Well Miss Withering, how does it feel, comfortable?
- Hortence Withering: Yes I think so Mr Boggs.
- Wm. C. Boggs: Good, good. Comfort before beauty, that's what I always say.
- Sid Plummer: It a bit big in the bowl, ain't it?
- Charles Coote: It is only two centimeters more than our last model and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.
- Sid Plummer: It's falling in I'm worried about!
- Wm. C. Boggs: No, no! I live your overall design Mr Coote.
- Charles Coote: Oh thank you, Sir.
- Hortence Withering: May I get off now please?
- Wm. C. Boggs: Yes of course Mrs Withering, and thank you you have been most patient.
- Sid Plummer: Yes like Jove on a monument, and what a monument!
- Wm. C. Boggs: Yes, we must make sure that the catch is strong enough to support the seat.
- Sid Plummer: Do you mind if I try it?
- Wm. C. Boggs: No, go ahead.
- [Sid gets out his paper and starts moving around from side to side on the new toilet]
- Sid Plummer: Yes I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.
- Charles Coote: It was hardly designed for a reading room!
- Sid Plummer: Ere... Look at this very slender this pedestle... Isn't it?
- Charles Coote: It's streamlined!
- Sid Plummer: What for, wind resistance?
- Charles Coote: In any case the thickness has nothing to do whatsoever with the tensile strength.
- Wm. C. Boggs: I hope your right Mr Coote. I have had bitter experience of what happens when one of these collapses, or rather my poor wife had, God rest her soul.
- Chloe Moore: Old tinder bottom's off again, 'nother bloomin' strike I suppose.
- Maud: Oh no, what's it for?
- Chloe Moore: You know our Vic, he never has known what it's for!
- Vic Spanner: [there is anger at the loss of the tea round] It's another a little prod at the very vitals of your personal freedom.
- Chloe Moore: I never noticed anyone prodding at my vitals!
- Ernie: Good for you, Chloe.
- Willie: Any time for you, Chloe!
- Lewis Boggs: You may not understand exactly what it means, but since I have been working in this factory, I have been making a time and motion study.
- Chloe Moore: Oh I know what it means, Mr Lewis, and if you've got the time, I've certainly got the motion.
- Lewis Boggs: Don't think I haven't noticed it, Mrs Moore, especially in your main production department.
- Chloe Moore: Oh you cheeky devil.
- Chloe Moore: Come on Fred, I'll get you something to eat.
- Fred Moore: I could do with a bit.
- Sid Plummer: Spoken like a true man!
- Vic Spanner: Meeting in the canteen in ten minutes. Tell everyone, Bernie.
- Bernie Hulke: Right.
- Bernie Hulke: [shouting] Meeting in the canteen in...
- Bernie Hulke: [to Vic] When was it?
- Vic Spanner: Ten minutes.
- Bernie Hulke: [shouting] Meeting in ten minutes time in...
- Bernie Hulke: [to Vic] Where was it?
- Vic Spanner: The canteen.
- Bernie Hulke: [shouting] Meeting in ten minutes ti...
- Vic Spanner: [shouting] All right, they know!
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By what name was Carry on at Your Convenience (1971) officially released in India in English?
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