Astro-Zombies

The Astro Zombie is a man in a rubber mask. The Male leads try to keep a straight face while spouting ridiculous dialogue. Tura Satana wears exotic outfits, makeup and eyelashes which gives the movie some camp appeal. You'll have a hard time figuring out the plot. It's shocking to see the depths Wendell Corey had descended to but he was probably too sozzled to care. The women scream a lot especially when the Astro Zombie tries to rip their clothes off. John Carradine bumbles around in his laboratory endlessly. The opening and closing credits are shot over film of toy robots and tanks. If you thought Ed Wood made bad films wait until you see this. I'll never part with my video copy though!

I will admit the pace of this movie is leaden at times, making it tough sledding. But I do believe this film could be edited down into an AMAZING B-movie horror/cheese fest lasting 55-60 minutes.

Personally,what I love about the film is its everything-but-the-kitchen-sink script. We are treated to the greatest hits of exploitation movie-making, all in one film, including: mad scientist, mute hunchback lab assistant, rampaging monsters, zombies, aliens, slashers that kill big-breasted women, brain transplantation, spaceships, spies, the CIA, naked go-go dancers and evil dragon ladies.

Let's not forget my favorite bit: a doppleganger for a shirtless Ed "Big Daddy" Roth wailing away on the bongos, miming (badly) to a pre-recorded music track (no other musicians are seen!), while a body-painted topless go-go dancer wriggles away.

GENIUS!

About the only elements that Ted Mikels missed were vampires, bikers, and giant insects! Who can resist the lovely Tura Satana with her evil makeup and low-cut evening gowns? Plus some nice color footage of L.A. in the Sixties. And of course the brilliantly stupid credit sequence with the tiny toy robots!

I urge fans of hardcore weirdness/Cheese to check this out. For less casual fans, you might want to wait until you have committed the complete works of Ed Wood to memory. Only then will you be in the proper frame of mind to truly appreciate this cinema (non) landmark.

I recommend this movie to insomniacs, maybe they can watch this movie and enjoy it. It's a mix of spies, science, and horror as several plots interrupt each other. 1) A team of detectives are investigating a series of murders where organs are taken from bodies and try to stop a gang of spies. 2) A mad scientist (played horribly by John Carradine) takes the organs and makes a series of astro zombies that run on batteries (more on this later). 3) A gang of spies, led by Tura Satana, needs the scientist's information to create their own supermen to take over the world.

Now, each plot has its good points. Joan Patrick is the shining star in the detective story as a young nurse used as bait for a zombie (seems the brain of a criminal she operated on is inside of it). After that fails, she goes home and is attacked by one while her cop boyfriend is outside. The cop puts up a fight with the thing and (luckily for him, since he was getting beat pretty bad) the zombie runs out of energy in its "cell battery" on its forehead, so it grabs the nearest flashlight, turns it on, smacks it onto the battery, and runs back to the lab! The scientist plot is saved by the presence of a scantily-dressed young captive who is gawked at and pawed upon by Carradine's assistant Franchot. Carradine just rambles on and on about science and zombies and such to his mute assistant, who couldn't care less! All Franchot wants to do is experiment on the captive! The spy story is Tura Satana's story and I could watch her forever! An extremely sexy woman, just like in FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!, she is pure evil. She holds men hostage and burns cigarette butts into their faces, shoots cops gleefully even after they're dead, and obviously wants to take over the world!

Now that I think about, I guess I can see why people might want to watch this. For the sheer silliness of it all. But there are many boring parts, including a hypnotic nude dance in a club by a woman painted head to toe in psychedelic colors! Proceed with caution!

Despite the fact that he had the greatest voice (not to mention the best wild-eyed leer!) of all the 1930s/'40s-era horror actors, he was given very little to do in the low-budget films in which he so often starred during the latter part of his career. "The Astro-Zombies" is no exception. Dressed in a white lab coat that hangs loosely on his skeletal frame, Carradine performs all his scenes on a cheap-looking dungeon set. Most of his lines are gibberish: "Activate the sonic transmogriceptor!" and so forth. There is some fun to be found elsewhere in the film, as Carradine's berserk astro-zombies wreak havoc throughout the city; there's even some gore and partial nudity (the very comely blonde chick who does a topless dance routine covered in wacky, multicolored body paint). The subplot involving foreign spies is painfully dull, however, and poorly acted by Tura Satana and her cornball henchmen. Don't expect too much...just enjoy the film for the grade-Z nonsense it is.

As I watched this film, I couldn't help but think that leading man Wendell Corey looked intoxicated throughout the movie--acting listless and somewhat slurred in speech. So, I did a search on the net and read up on Corey's life--discovering that the same year he made this film he also died from cirrhosis of the liver as a result of alcoholism. What a sad end to what had been a good career. Corey had been mostly a supporting actor in the late 40s and into the 50s--steady and effective in his films. Here, though, he was blundering through his lines in a grade-z sci-fi yarn. Oddly, despite getting top billing, he's not in the film that much--perhaps he died before it was completed.

John Carradine is also in the film, but that isn't nearly as sad as Corey, as Carradine made a career out of appearing in bad films, so this seems to be right up his alley! It is truly an awful film--with practically no budget, ketchup for blood and acting that seems amateur at best. You know it's a bad film when Carradine is probably the BEST actor among them.

Here is the plot: American scientists have been working on creating "astro-zombies". In essence, robots that follow mental commands over great distances--so that humans on Earth can control these droids in space. The problem is, a mad scientist (Carradine) has gone missing and many mutilated bodies begin appearing. Could it be Carradine or the Commies or both?!

One of the few strengths about the film is the head "baddie". This woman should probably have gotten a fashion makeover, but I still loved her style--no debating--just shooting people. And, when she shoots them, she shoots them again and again--pumping bullets into the lifeless bodies just to be 100% sure they are dead. For once, we seem to have an intelligent villain--too bad she's starring in such an unintelligent film!! And, too bad that she conveniently forgets to do this at the very end--when she SHOULD have unloaded a full clip into her victim! The biggest deficit (and there are many) is that the film is so dull. Cheap does not mean that it must be dull. Even bad films such as PLAN 9 or TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE are fun to watch because of their ineptness and because they try so hard to be entertaining. This one, sadly, isn't bad enough to be good for a laugh.

Not surprisingly, the film is from Ted Mikels--one of the best bad film makers that ever lived. Clearly, he was the rival of the likes of Larry Buchanan, Ed Wood and Al Adamson. If you don't believe me, understand that "The Astro-Zombies" is among his BEST films!!