Astro-Zombies

Okay, this movie really sucks and not many people are gonna tell you any different. Even though I had some fun watching Astro Zombies, I know it is a worthless piece of sheet! It's just amazingly so horrible that I actually laughed at it and enjoyed doing so. I think that's what it was intended to do was to make people laugh at its stupidness.

If you are a John Carradine fan, then you must watch this film. Otherwise you more than likely will absolutely hate it and most people won't even make it 30 minutes into the movie. There is no need to get into plot, acting, or effects because there really isn't any to talk about! If you can take this movie for what it is, and that is to not be serious, and if you enjoy watching really campy films, then you may just possibly enjoy this little bundle of joy...but don't count on it!

I will admit the pace of this movie is leaden at times, making it tough sledding. But I do believe this film could be edited down into an AMAZING B-movie horror/cheese fest lasting 55-60 minutes.

Personally,what I love about the film is its everything-but-the-kitchen-sink script. We are treated to the greatest hits of exploitation movie-making, all in one film, including: mad scientist, mute hunchback lab assistant, rampaging monsters, zombies, aliens, slashers that kill big-breasted women, brain transplantation, spaceships, spies, the CIA, naked go-go dancers and evil dragon ladies.

Let's not forget my favorite bit: a doppleganger for a shirtless Ed "Big Daddy" Roth wailing away on the bongos, miming (badly) to a pre-recorded music track (no other musicians are seen!), while a body-painted topless go-go dancer wriggles away.

GENIUS!

About the only elements that Ted Mikels missed were vampires, bikers, and giant insects! Who can resist the lovely Tura Satana with her evil makeup and low-cut evening gowns? Plus some nice color footage of L.A. in the Sixties. And of course the brilliantly stupid credit sequence with the tiny toy robots!

I urge fans of hardcore weirdness/Cheese to check this out. For less casual fans, you might want to wait until you have committed the complete works of Ed Wood to memory. Only then will you be in the proper frame of mind to truly appreciate this cinema (non) landmark.

I recommend this movie to insomniacs, maybe they can watch this movie and enjoy it. It's a mix of spies, science, and horror as several plots interrupt each other. 1) A team of detectives are investigating a series of murders where organs are taken from bodies and try to stop a gang of spies. 2) A mad scientist (played horribly by John Carradine) takes the organs and makes a series of astro zombies that run on batteries (more on this later). 3) A gang of spies, led by Tura Satana, needs the scientist's information to create their own supermen to take over the world.

Now, each plot has its good points. Joan Patrick is the shining star in the detective story as a young nurse used as bait for a zombie (seems the brain of a criminal she operated on is inside of it). After that fails, she goes home and is attacked by one while her cop boyfriend is outside. The cop puts up a fight with the thing and (luckily for him, since he was getting beat pretty bad) the zombie runs out of energy in its "cell battery" on its forehead, so it grabs the nearest flashlight, turns it on, smacks it onto the battery, and runs back to the lab! The scientist plot is saved by the presence of a scantily-dressed young captive who is gawked at and pawed upon by Carradine's assistant Franchot. Carradine just rambles on and on about science and zombies and such to his mute assistant, who couldn't care less! All Franchot wants to do is experiment on the captive! The spy story is Tura Satana's story and I could watch her forever! An extremely sexy woman, just like in FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!, she is pure evil. She holds men hostage and burns cigarette butts into their faces, shoots cops gleefully even after they're dead, and obviously wants to take over the world!

Now that I think about, I guess I can see why people might want to watch this. For the sheer silliness of it all. But there are many boring parts, including a hypnotic nude dance in a club by a woman painted head to toe in psychedelic colors! Proceed with caution!

When I read that this was thought of by some reviewers as the worst film in history along with John Carradine headlining this act I figured why not give this thing a watch. I must say that no I don't think it's the worst film I have ever seen, but boy it is close. It starts with you guessed it a bad opening and when you thought the first 20 minutes were enough to sink this mess it just gets worse.

To give you an idea of the story over the last six months murders have been occurring that is when it sort of gets the feel of a hokey 50s sci-fi/horror cornball movie. Poor old John Carradine (who must have agreed to any script he was given) plays Dr. DeMarco who sadly just turns knobs and spouts out pages of dialogue. For it is he who is creating these Astro-Zombies.

Death scenes are poorly executed and we the viewer need Dr. DeMarco to injected some excitement into this movie. It sounds when reading the plot that it may not be too bad on the excitement scale, but it is just a boring movie really.

Based on screenplay by the director Ted V. Mikels and Wayne Rogers (who I remember as Trapper from the great TV show M.A.S.H.). I would suggest watching that show instead.

The Astro Zombie is a man in a rubber mask. The Male leads try to keep a straight face while spouting ridiculous dialogue. Tura Satana wears exotic outfits, makeup and eyelashes which gives the movie some camp appeal. You'll have a hard time figuring out the plot. It's shocking to see the depths Wendell Corey had descended to but he was probably too sozzled to care. The women scream a lot especially when the Astro Zombie tries to rip their clothes off. John Carradine bumbles around in his laboratory endlessly. The opening and closing credits are shot over film of toy robots and tanks. If you thought Ed Wood made bad films wait until you see this. I'll never part with my video copy though!