The Incredible Petrified World

"I've made some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."

John Carradine, who had roles in The Ten Commandments and Stagecoach and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask among his 334 films, and won awards for The Scarecrow and House of the Long Shadows, would probably list this film as one that was crap.

He plays a scientist that sends down a diving bell with four people to 1,700 feet when they get stranded. They manage to make it into Arizona's Colossal Cave and they meet up with a hairy bugger who has been stranded there 14 years. Forget the others, this guy is focused on Phyllis Coates, who was the first Lois Lane on TV.

Yes, 14 years all alone and this old timer wants to find a way to get rid of the competition and have Lois to himself. Before he could get started, the volcano erupts and, well, just one eruption.

I just love this exchange between the two women:

Dale Marshall: You just listen to me, Miss Innocent. There's nothing friendly between two females. There never was. There never will be. Lauri Talbott: Sorry you feel that way. I was hoping we could help each other. Dale Marshall: You don't need help - neither do I. Not as long as we have two men around us.

O, the days when women thought that way.

This film had some very valuable information in it. I didn't know that people dived with a thermos of hot coffee, but it is good they do, as it is just the thing to revive someone who has run out of air.

If you were looking for a one word description of the film 'The Incredible Petrified World', that word would have to be Boring. I almost wish I could use words like ridiculous or total nonsense but I can't. If that were the case, it might at least have been amusing. Maybe it would have been good for a few laughs. The main problem with this film is that it's just a boring movie. Plain and simple, there is very little excitement. There are no memorable moments, dramatic, comic or otherwise. The word petrified in the title seems to have no relation to anything in the film. My opinion is that neither does the word Incredible. It's too bad, the plot had potential but little to no effort was made to exploit this potential. Stay away from this one. It's a waste of your time.

When this film was released back in 1959 to an appalled public, one newspaper reviewer described it as "an incredible petrified movie." Since then, that description has been used over and over to appropriately describe this movie. The plot is about undersea explorers testing a new type of diving bell and the discovery of a vast network of air filled under sea caverns. Inside the caverns they discover an old man who had found his was into the caverns years before. Nothing happens in this film. Its just talk (all of which is not any good) with no thrills what so ever. Nothing! The posters for this film promised undersea thrills and a giant octopus. No giant octopus! No! Not even one measly stock footage octopus to enliven this dull film. The undersea "thrills" are scant. This film was so boring I couldn't wait till it was over. This may just be the worst movie Jerry Warren ever made. As bad as Jerry Warren's other films are, at least something happens in those.

The Incredible Petrified World (1959)

** (out of 4)

A scientist (John Carradine) creates a diving bell that will allow him to try and get a better understanding of the ocean. On its trial run he lowers it (and several people) into the ocean but it breaks free and falls to the bottom of the ocean. He fears that everyone is dead but in fact they are alive and find a cave that has a strange form of life.

If you read the reviews for this Jerry Warren film you'll see many of them calling this one of the worst movie ever made. I very much disagree with that and in fact, for a Warren film, it's actually pretty good. This here was the second film he directed after his debut MAN BEAST and in all honesty these two are the best that he ever would make. I've seen all of the films that Warren directed so perhaps that's why I feel this one here is pretty good considering where he would go from here.

Obviously he was working on a very low-budget so instead of any real monsters or special effects we're treated to various bits of stock footage. This was obvious during the opening where the narrator is babbling on about stuff that has nothing to do with what we're seeing! From here the film continues to show its low-budget as we're told about the various dangers facing the people but we never actually see it. Instead we basically watch the actors sit around and talk about various bad things that could happen.

Again, there's nothing remotely special about this film but at the same time there's no question that the movie is mildly entertaining if you've just got 66-minutes to kill and want to watch something mindless and rather pointless. For the most part Carradine and Clarke are both fun to watch and the rest of the supporting players at least hit their marks (there's a compliment).

THE INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD features nothing scary or even good for that matter. It's a low-budget movie that probably played third or fourth at local drive-ins so go in with that in mind and you might have some mild entertainment.

"We are now prepared to invade this black wilderness." Well, actually they weren't, since the cable of the diving bell snaps, sending them to a tourist attraction with nice stalactites and stalagmites that I guess is supposed to resemble petrified wood or something. A very long technical explanation about the snapped cable is given later but that comes off like gibberish to me.

The only part worth watching is the genuinely exciting octopus and shark battle at the beginning, but which looks as if it was filmed in a small fish tank which had only a bit of sand poured over the bottom. You might as well turn it off after that part and have a nice nap instead.

The diving bell seems as big as a rocket-ship on the inside, but only about the size of an overinflated beach ball on the outside. This makes for some real laughs, especially when it is hanging and swaying about from the ship's crane and the actors are near it. It doesn't look like even one child could fit inside it, let alone the two men and two women, with a lot of room to spare, and the high ceiling.

Absolutely nothing happens in this movie after they get into the diving bell. They don't even show the implied trip to the volcano area with the lead characters! Instead, we get some sort of senseless and brief argument between the two women and Popeye's grandfather (or so he appears) making bizarre faces, as if he were in a "make the weirdest face and win fantastic prizes" contest. Silly beyond words and certainly belonging in a movie other than this one. At one point, his eyes are popping so far out, they look like they could just fall out of his face.

Later, "Popeye's grandfather" actually moves closer to the cave wall and slowly leans against it so that more rocks can hit him! (You can actually tell that he is trying to get under the path of the larger fake falling rocks! Hilarious!)

The ending made no sense to me, either. I may be wrong, but I got the idea that they weren't really that far under the surface at all. And where was the volcano (which sounded like the amplified recording of a rolling bowling ball and a bit from a storm) relative to the surface? Why wasn't it more of a noticed event from the ship?

The orchestral soundtrack on my DVD copy is really sour, and sounds more like two tomcats having a stand-off.

2/10. A two only because of the octopus and shark battle before the actors come in and ruin everything.