The Wild Women of Wongo

Outrageous camp factor, and every bit as weird and mindless as you've heard.

"Oh, Priestess, we request permission to find mates!" The narrator explains: "Nature made a mistake." Two independent tribes that mistrust but leave each other alone finally interact, as an alliance to fight some other weird tribe is proposed, then rejected. A parrot is perched somewhere, and periodically shows up to mock the characters, as if we the audience aren't doing that already.

Basically, some prehistoric guys and gals from each tribe run around the forest and occasionally meet each other. There's one girl (from the "pretty woman" tribe) who beats the snot out of a baby crocodile, and the monster people show up briefly. Her tribe has women with 50's hair styles, shaved legs, lipstick, and other make-up. The other tribe has women with buck teeth and attitudes that scare their sheepish men.

Beware of the soundtrack. They actually use some of the same music as the infamous "Plan 9 from Outer Space," and this movie makes that one look good by comparison. The acting is oafery, the director must have been out in the sun too long, and the story line is uhh, was there one? There's only one way to watch this: MST3K style. Get your buddies together and mock the thing, when it isn't bashing itself that is.

Wild Women of Wongo, The (1958)

** (out of 4)

As the film opens up a narrator tells us that some experiment was done on the island of Wongo. On that island all the beautiful women were given ugly men. On another island the beautiful men were given ugly women. When the ape people attack the two sides might come together so that the pretty can be with the pretty and the ugly with the ugly. Sound stupid? Well, it is and that's why this film came off mildly entertaining. The movie has the reputation of being one of the worst ever made and I won't argue that but at the same time it kept me entertained just because of how stupid it was. The movie even features some music that is best known from being used in PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, which would be released the following year. I don't think it's ever explained why the looks of the people were mixed up to begin with but I'm sure it wouldn't have made any sense anyways. As is to be expected, the performances all are extremely bad and sometimes it does give us some laughter. The director does what he can with the material but the color is pretty good and the locations are certainly nice to look at. There's also quite a bit of footage of some of the wildlife and that's a plus. The movie doesn't feature too much of a story as we see women (or men) get kicked out of their tribes, have to find, look around, fight some more and then look around some more. Fans of bad movies will want to check it out but others should stay far, far away.

I think that if Ed Wood were alive today or could make his complaints felt from beyond this mortal coil, he'd be haunting the Medved Brothers who dared not include The Wild Women Of Wongo in their list of the 50 Worst Films. Next to this Plan Nine From Outer Space plays like Citizen Kane.

This story is set on the mythical islands of Wongo and Guna and it seems as though the gene pool has played one dirty trick. The men of Wongo look like the inbreds from Deliverance and the women like playboy bunnies. On the other hand in Guna land, the men are these gorgeous beach boy surfer hunks and the women look like someone left the pound door open one night.

Both islands worship the crocodile god and the croc demands some sacrifices every so often. When one of the Wongo women actually subdues and kills the crocodile god, the theological implications are cataclysmic.

There are some hairy ape men like creatures who invade both the islands and it takes a while for them to come to a common plan of alliance.

That's about the sum and substance of this awful film which was shot in the Everglades on location. This film must have been a great after midnight third feature in the drive-ins when folks could look at the Guna men and Wongo women if they needed a little extra inspiration for the night's fun.

There's a parrot who serves as a kind of Greek chorus to all the silly goings on and when the parrot gives the best acting performance in the film, you KNOW how bad this is going to be.

Ever see a puppy that was so ugly it was cute? That describes this dog of a movie. Gilligan's Island meets Ed Wood gone terribly wrong. Plot? It never thickens. Rather it starts out as thin as rice paper and remains just that transparent. Dialog? The dialog coach was sent out for coffee. Acting? It is to laugh. Sets? Well, none really. Special effects? Uh, there was that rubber alligator. Makeup? Think: Blue hair meant to look grey. But hey, it IS in colour. Maybe they should of thought about that before they called for makeup. Reality? This movie is a cinema dog rocket. But if you can get into Ed Wood meets Gilligan ... It IS kinda cute and good for a chuckle or two. But not much else.

So how did my 18-year old hormones miss a title like Wild Women... back in '58. I guess I was watching a load of other drive-in crud back then. Too bad, since there's quite a bit of cleavage and leggy art work among the Wongo gals, as they herd the good looking guys from Goona into a connubial village where nature will take its course. The plot may be loony but it's got a worthwhile subtext. The gals really come to operate in a non-submissive way, sort of like sneaky Neanderthal feminists. But at the same time, they're arranging things so that pretty people can live alongside homely ones all in humane fashion. Okay, maybe I'm reading too much in- see what you think. Anyway, it's an anonymous cast (check IMDB bio's) that still manages despite their only screen appearance. And, oh wow, get a load of Zuni Dyer who's imperiously impressive as the priestess on her rock throne. Too bad it's her only screen credit.

All in all, the silly flick has its moments and never takes itself seriously, as the eye-winking cast and squawking parrot keep telling us. Meanwhile, I'm getting a ticket first thing to meet the leggy attractions of Wongo. So wish me luck, I'll need it.