Il boia scarlatto

Surely nobody goes into this laughable cheese-fest expecting to see a quality horror film. Even by Italian standards - Bava and Argento excepted - this is utter nonsense. The horror part is well, what horror part? The plot is utterly predictable, no surprises there. The dialog is just as predictable. As for the scenery we are treated to some spectacular vistas (they caught my wife's fancy long enough to pause in passing and in her determination to avoid taking part in my passion for horrible films) and the castle where the action takes place is really cool! So what else is there to recommend this? It's all about perfect bodies, a good number of them, enough to keep members of both sexes entertained. Mickey Hargitay who plays our villain has, as he so proudly informs the audience often enough, THE perfect body. He puts the rest of us puny males to shame with the utter certainty that no matter how hard we try we'll never reach that level of physical beauty. On the other side of the gender barrier the women are equally gorgeous. They are all curvaceous, luscious, mouth-watering eye candy to awaken the man-beast in every male out there. Bear in mind there is no real nudity. The closest we get to risqué scenes is just the hint of the top part of nipples. Otherwise it's all designed to tantalize the male spectator with the prospect of revealing the hidden parts without doing so. How delicious! Well, perhaps not for recently pubescent and inexperienced teens. For them it might be too frustrating.

One final point. The hero is the exact opposite of our gorgeous villain. A Joe Pesci look-alike, he's not exactly my idea of a hero and he in fact gets beat up pretty regularly until he finally prevails with strategic karate chops. Makes you wonder why he doesn't use them before he gets punched out within an inch of his life, but I digress. The heroine is clearly above his league in the looks department but also not as sexy or exotic as any one of the other four women. So I'm not sure but maybe the producers were trying to insert a moral about looks and death but who knows? Any way you look at it this movie will keep you chuckling and salivating neither of which is a bad thing.

When a group of photographers and models sneak into an apparently abandoned castle to do a photo-shoot, they are immediately asked to leave by the castle's inhabitant, Travis Anderson (Mickey Hargitay). But when he recognises his ex-fiancé Edith (Luisa Baratto) amongst the group, he changes his mind and gives them the freedom of the castle. Lurking in the castle's dungeons, where the group have set up, is the preserved body of an executed serial-killer named The Crimson Executioner, and when his coffin is disturbed, his spirit is released and enters the body of Travis. Soon enough, bodies are dropping like flies while the 'hero' Rick (Walter Brandi), desperately attempts to save them.

Former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay made a moderately successful career for himself after appearing in the excellently madcap Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957) with his wife Jayne Mansfield. He was mainly employed in B-grade Italian horror movies such as the twisted Delirium (1972), and he is just about the only good thing is Bloody Pit of Horror, also known as The Red Hangman, A Tale of Torture, and most hilariously, Some Virgins for the Hangman. Although his role is completely ridiculous, he has a hulking presence that brings a likability to Travis, even when he is wide-eyed, tightening the hold of a rack. Plus I couldn't imagine anyone else being able to pull off those red, spandex pants.

The sets have a bright, technicholour warmth about them, reminiscent of some of the classic Hammer horrors and Roger Corman's Poe adaptations, that give the film a nicely Gothic, if slightly camp, feel. But ultimately it is as effective as wrapping a ribbon around a turd, failing to cover up the sheer atrocity of its direction. It is so over- the-top and silly that the film ends up feeling like a cartoon, containing torture scenes that include a woman stuck in a giant web with a spider so badly constructed, I don't know if it was meant to be real or not. That said, I still found this quite fun, but I don't feel good about it.

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It's really hard to score THE CRIMSON EXECUTIONER. On one hand, it's a horribly made little film that is embarrassingly bad. On the other, it's so terribly funny because it is so bad! The film begins with some really obnoxious people breaking into an old castle to take some publicity pictures. However, it turns out the place is NOT unoccupied and the crazy owner tells them to get lost. Oddly, however just moments later he asks them to stay. So, they do and over the course of an evening, the crew members and models are killed off one at a time by the crazy homeowner--who thinks he's the reincarnation of a sicko named the Crimson Executioner. Actually, the guy's outfit makes him look a lot like Diabolik from another Mario Bava film, but that's neither here nor there.

The film is filled with lots of sadistic torture and is reminiscent of the German film, THE TORTURE CHAMBER OF DR. SADISM (talk about a great title). However, unlike the German film, this one is much sillier and the horrible punishments really don't look all that realistic--just cheesy. But, because it is made so poorly (with horrible dialog and action throughout), it is worth seeing to have a few laughs. Otherwise, if you do skip it, your brain might appreciate it!

Jayne Mansfield and her husband, Hungarian bodybuilder Miklos "Mickey" Hargitay were in Italy to shoot PRIMITIVE LOVE when Mickey took time off (about a weekend, judging from the quality of the movie) to shoot this one based (allegedly) on the writings of the Marquis DeSade. I have read some of the Marquis' books and while they are full of sex, violence and politics they describe no one like The Crimson Executioner. Okay here we go. Some people arrive at a remote castle to shoot photos for the covers of pulp novels (they are popular in Europe to this day!). The owner of the castle lets them use his dungeon but suddenly up pops some guy in red tights and a Lone Ranger mask claiming to be the 300 year old Crimson Executioner and it is his duty to punish them for their immoral behavior. I know we are supposed to sympathize with the innocent victims but the models up to this point are depicted as so self centered and empty headed it is hard to feel sorry for them even as we watch them being tortured. Then again maybe it is because the ordeals are so unconvincing. I mean, the girl on the rack has her arms bent even as C.E. is turning the wheel; and somehow I doubt the mechanical spider device he dreams up was widely in use back in the 17th Century. One very effective moment has one man trying to drive for help only to be shot through the neck by an arrow. The car drives aimlessly in circles with his dead body at the wheel. Nothing else in the movie approaches that level of intensity. Walter Brandi is good as the hero. He was also in THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA and SLAUGHTER OF THE VAMPIRES. Femi Benussi, who seems to get the worst of the tortures (maybe because she is blonde) was also in TARZANA, THE WILD GIRL. Mickey Hargitay also played Hercules once and did a few other movies too. Arnold Schwarzenegger once said Mickey was one of his role models. Does that mean Arnold might remake this movie? Let's hope someone talks him out of it.