2+5: Missione Hydra

This motion picture is interesting to watch, if for no other reason, then for analysis. It purports to have taken upon itself a complicated history. One fact is known, that of the original release date in Italy of 1966, although a website or two will show 1965. What happened since then is anyones guess. Yes, there was a 1977 release in the United States under the Monarch Releasing Corporation. The titles, "Star Pilot" and "Star Pilots" are given. Yet in the video release by Sinister Cinema the title is shown as "2 + 5: Mission Hydra" although the Monarch Releasing Corporation credit is also listed seemingly indicating this is the same version as the 1977 US dubbed release. The real confusion starts with the footage from other movies spliced in at some points. Another website claims the movies "Kaiju Daisenso(1965)" and "Yusei Gorasu(1962)" are interwoven with the plot. This may very well be, but Casey Kasem is also clearly seen. This would appear to be from "The Doomsday Machine" which had a checkered history of its own, being made in 1967(a year after "2+5"), but released in 1972. So therefore this footage must have been added only in the US release, though "2+5" premiered in West Germany in 1967. Various running times(84, 89, 90 + 92) are given as well depending on what source you refer to. The bottom line on this former late night favorite is, for the male viewers there is Leontine May(who dominates) and for the female viewers, Kirk Morris(pseudonym of Adriano Bellini) and Gordon Mitchell. It should also be mentioned for the classical music crowd, that although the credit is given on the IMDb for "theme from Toccato & Fugue in D Minor by JS Bach", it is not mentioned that it is under the direction of Leopold Stokowsky.

This movie was re-released to cash in on the original Star Wars mania. Filmed on a budget of maybe, 15,000 Lira, it is a tour-de-force of nearly every 50's SF cliche' from the greying Scientist father to his luscious, oh-so innocent raven haired daughter in her fishnet bodysuit (with strategically placed bits of fluff) being menaced by Ape creatures to Bruno the Martian "floating" across an expanse of space with the aid of a trampoline (no, I'm not kidding). SEE the mysterious ancient city model filmed resting on a chair! See the twinkling stars! (and try not to notice the wires, swaying in an apparent breeze from an off camera fan). If you love bad films, by all means check it out-it's a scream. I saw this as the bottom half of a double bill with "Spawn of the Slithis" and couldn't stop laughing....

When you are a science-savvy person, watching science fiction films is often a painful experience: whether it is completely unrealistic (but in a way dramatically understandable) gaffes like loud roaring sound effects in the vacuum of outer space, or the unbelievable idiocy of people who think "backup engines" are there to make a rocket go, well, back up ... one just never knows what offenses filmmakers will slap up on screen.

Unfortunately, there is little one can do to prepare for something like _Star Pilot_, or however one wants to reference this particular Italian "science fiction" mess. The creators of this thing not only did not have a scientifically literate person on set, they all seem to have skipped every science class that was offered in their school careers! Other reviewers have pointed out the film's startling revelation that -- contrary to what science tells us -- it is actually quite comfortable beyond the confines of any planetary atmosphere whatever, and you can just twirl around between spaceships without the benefit of a helmet or any other bulky garb. Truly amazing. I was also amazed to note that when "Bellsy" was out in the balmy vacuum repairing the ship's antenna, gravity just seemed to switch on and off without warning - since the damaged antenna he removed visibly fell down and out of sight, no matter how much bouncing around (on a trampoline, apparently) Bellsy did himself!

I could go on forever. I could cite the space chart / screen two characters stared at that appeared to have standard N-E-W-S compass directions on it. Future generations of Cub Scouts will no doubt be relieved to know that there is a North in outer space, and that their compasses will work.

And yet ... this film is so stupid on so many levels (despite pretensions to ... uh, something at the end) that it manages to be quite entertaining at times. It's THAT kind of bad. It would have made a good MST3K target. It's garish, incomprehensible, nonsensical, giddy, idiotic. Furthermore, some of the actors make okay eye candy, if you are into that kind of thing. "Leontine" alone is worth the price of admission, as she is some kind of cross between Angelina Jolie, Barbarella-era Jane Fonda, and something I can't quite name. Her costumes made me believe that Western culture does indeed have a basement, a hard rock floor beyond which nothing can possibly go. And yet ... no matter how often I wanted to turn away, I just ... could not.

This film reminded me a little of Mission Stardust in reverse...the aliens land on our planet instead of what happened in that movie. While fairly coherent, the movie doesn't really know where it's going, as a lot of Italian SF movies didn't in that era.

I'm still trying to figure out what the heck the secret agents were doing in the movie (and please remember, they're "Oriental, not Chinese"). Once the spaceship gets off the ground, we're treated to a lot of stock footage from Toho's Gorath, as a number of space stations and satellites try to pretend they are the starforces of Hydra. Then there's the time travel thing, and the female characters' need to wear fishnet bodystockings with leather or feather bikinis (obviously either an aside to the popularity of the fashions of Barbarella or just standard wear in Italian space operas...lord knows I've seen at least four other movies where leather was the material of choice for spacesuits). And then there's the need for spacehelmets when venturing onto a new planet, but two people can cross the cold void of space between two ships in what amounted to a snorkel and leather.

To me, 2:5: Mission Hydra reminded me a lot of They Came From Beyond Space or the Terrornauts or similar British features made in the mid-sixties...not bad, but not necessarily well thought out.

A muddled, typically bad, campy Italian science fiction film which is nonetheless a must-see for seekers of the weird and delightful. This is a badly-edited, poorly-dubbed mess of a movie, with a non-existent budget and a story which lacks a decent beginning, middle or end. Yet despite all the flaws it may have (including scenes of astronauts floating in space without helmets!), it remains a largely entertaining space vehicle full of strange creatures and bizarre special effects work.

Once the action shifts from Earth to space the film becomes much more interesting as a whole and packs some seriously bizarre situations into the short running time. Okay, so there isn't too much action on view, but we do get scenes of rayguns turning people into flaming skeletons and the 'comedic' effects of anti-gravity on the unwitting human inhabitants of the spacecraft.

The presence of two Italian babes (Leonora Ruffo and Leontine May) also makes things easy on the eye, with the former flame-haired girl in a tight-fitting PVC miniskirt and the latter dressed in a fishnet costume (with appropriate frilly bits; remember the kids) for a substantial part of the running time. For the girls, there are plenty of male models to make up the masculine side of the cast, including the presence of peplum icon Kirk Morris (ATLAS AGAINST THE CZAR) in a tight-fitting full body PVC costume as an alien guard. Eagle-eyed viewers may notice harsh-faced peplum star Gordon Mitchell in a one-scene cameo as the alien 'Murdu', appearing on a monitor, no less! Incidental pleasures include a run-in with a planet full of apes (yet this is no PLANET OF THE APES) who run around waving bones like would-be Ronnie Corbetts; the hilarious heavy breathing that first alerts our scientists to the presence of "something" under the ground; the un-politically correct replacing of the robot slaves with some unwilling Chinese men; plus the hilariously mock-serious "dire warning" of the ending which warns of the consequences of nuclear war. Much like the character of Leontine May in this film, 2 + 5: MISSION HYDRA is a pretty but vacuous Italian gem.