The Starfighters

This film probably gathered every piece of stock footage the US Air Force had to offer at the time. I think the producers thought "we have lots of cool stock footage. We don't need things like plot, character development, and the like." Sadly, this film will never amount to anything, just like the hero of the film, a son of a Congressman.

If you've ever seen this movie, you probably know what I'm talking about. In a short summary, it can easily be said that NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE!!! There's some refueling, some schmoozing amongst the officers, more refueling, officers swimming in a pool wearing "poopie suits", (I didn't make that up) still more refueling, and Robert Dornan (yes, the congressman). As they say in the MST3K Amazing Colossal Episode guide, I have no idea to whom this movie would appeal to. It was probably meant to be shown on various Air Force bases, but somehow it turned up on national TV in a particular episode of MST3K. This is one movie that never deserved to see the light of day. It is really bad, but if you really want to laugh at it, do not watch it without the presence of Mike and the 'bots.

I've watched this movie several times, and I have yet to detect a hint of a plot or a storyline. What could be better?!? Grab some popcorn and take the time to enjoy this stroll in this mindless wonderland!

Not only do you get to see "B-1 Bob" Dornan, but a whole bunch of other people... Well, this movie isn't the worst movie of all time; that honor would have to go to Manos: The Hands of Fate. At least "The Starfighters" had a few actors that were in other movies. Besides B-1 Bob, there are a couple of actors with 3 movie credits to their honor.

Needless to say, most of the cast didn't really go anywhere in Hollyweird. If you watch this movie and you detect a hint of a plot or storyline, please drop me a line and let me know about it.

What a great way to waste an evening!

I can't figure out who this film was meant for. It can't be a training film. You learn that the F-104 needs frequent refueling and that it can make mincemeat out of large, white rectangles, but that's as much technical information as you'll get. It isn't a gripping family drama, though there are a lot of scenes where Bob Dornan's father, Congressman Liberace, rings up his son and his commander to diss their fighter jets (it could have used a sort of, kind of Jazz Singer moment where the Congressman hears his son is flying jets instead of bombers, rips his clothes, and proclaims he has no son. That would have been something anyway). As for the romance...well, lets just say that the midair refueling scenes deliver more raw eroticism than any of these drunk, speed freaked pilots who troll the bars to pick up vapid Iowa chicks for nights of wild snuggling. My current theory is that this movie was some kind of commercial for the F-104 and the Tactical Air Command, though I'm still not sure who they're trying to sell it to (Congressmen? Pilots? The General Public?). With ads like this one, I'm surprised the Air Force doesn't have to hold bake sales to buy its bombers.

Honestly, that's a line in the movie, if you can call this a movie. It's mostly stock footage of jets flying, landing, bombing, and roughly ten hours of refueling footage. The "plot" revolves around some leather-faced Air Force pilots training in new jets. That's it. Tedious doesn't come close to describing this film. Literally NOTHING happens. Nothing.Oh, and everyone in this movie has third degree sunburns and disturbingly lumpy faces. "Top Gun" it isn't. This is just a really bad movie. Be sure to look out for the Poopy Suit, a suit that somehow keeps you from drowning if you crash a jet into the ocean (not that that happens, because THAT would be interesting). The only way this is watchable is the Mystery Science Theater version, it's hilarious.