Nude on the Moon

'Nude on the Moon' is the first, and perhaps finest*, of the science-fiction nudie-cuties. The plot (I use the term loosely) involves two intrepid astronauts (William Mayer and Lester Brown) who travel to the moon only to discover that it resembles a strange Floridian landmark (The Coral Castle) and is inhabited by a couple of buff looking guys in gold hot-pants and a half-dozen young(ish) women (demurely, the nudity only extends to top-lessness). The astronauts, with perfectly straight-faces, explore the gardens, take samples of gravel, find large gold nuggets, and snap pictures (lots of pictures) of the lithesome maidens (another term I use loosely) as they cavort under the warm lunar sun. While the two colour-coded explorers gravely discuss their findings, the moonies never say anything and only the Queen communicates at all (telepathically via her deely-bobber like antenna). The structure of the film is very odd: the raison d'être is to ogle the girls but a third of the running time is devoted to the (fully clothed) lead-up to the rocket launch. The special effects are cheap but the lunar landing/takeoff are oddly effective (and better than some I've seen in contemporaneous 'real' science fiction movies) but there is no attempt at logic once the men have landed: the spaceship clearly touches down on a cratered lunar plain, but when they open the door, the world outside is an Earthly garden of delights, and the occasional reference to their diminishing oxygen supply is nonsensical. 'Nude on the Moon' is kind of cute in a silly, dated way and I found the opening song ('My Little Moon Doll) crooned by Ralph Young against the background of a fanciful lunar night sky, to be quite magical. The film, one of a number of 'nudie-cuties' directed Doris Wishman (one of the adult-film industry's most unusual auteurs) is somewhat unique, as most of its tawdry genre was passed off as 'educational material' portraying the naturist lifestyle, whereas this opus actually was a fictional adventure that featured (abundant) nudity. *perhaps 'only'

This movie has a great premise! Astronauts undertake on a mission to the moon. When they reach their destination, it appears to be overrun by dishy females in the nude. Setups for dramas of life and death, of love and betrayal... but no payoffs! The great disappointments of this gem of the sixties is that it forgets its story upon reaching the moon. Instead we see lots and lots of barely dressed girls having a good time. This plot-turn would be quite understandable if they were in fact nude, but compared to modern times, we see no more that one might hope for at a public beach. However the dialogues are amusing, and the production-design is unforgettable. "Nude on the Moon" leaves one with the hope for a modern remake (true to the title) that dares to challenge modern day Hollywood from its current puritan "make war not love" attitude and show the american youth that it is no bigger shame to flash their butts and on celuloid. Unfortunately: they dont make them like this anymore!

It takes a lot to make me laff out loud during a movie, but this flick certainly did the job. Beyond-belief atrocious acting; a "script" that'll make you pine for the wit and wisdom of Edward Wood; special effects that make "Plan 9"'s look like "The Matrix"; a bunch of topless, football-tossing, antenna-sporting, average-looking-at-best "moon babes"; a virtual lack of synchronized dialogue; and an annoyingly catchy theme song all add up to one completely unbelievable experience. Just wait till you see the two "scientists" talking to each other in their Earth-bound spaceship, using microphones despite the fact that they are SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER!!! You'll fall right off your Barcalounger! Seriously, though, folks, despite the laffs, this one was kinda hard to sit through. It really is baaaaaaaaaaaaad! Do yourself a favor and watch "Queen of Outer Space" for the 15th time instead!

If there were an Oscar category for most sincere performance in a ridiculous movie (and there should be!), Lester Brown and William Mayer would surely have been nominated for their work in Doris Wishman's "Nude on the Moon," a jaw-dropping sci-fi "nudie cutie" in which Brown and Mayer play a pair of intrepid astronauts who discover the first interplanetary nudist colony.

Brown, a handsome Wishman veteran who also appeared in Doris's "Blaze Starr Goes Wild" (1960), "Gentlemen Prefer Nature Girls" (1962), and "Behind the Nudist Curtain" (1964), plays dedicated young scientist Jeff Huntley, who decides to use his $3 million inheritance to finance a trip to the Moon along with mentor and colleague William Mayer (i.e., the "Professor.")

One of the amazing things about the film is the amount of time and care devoted to its exposition and set-up. The extended opening sequence is surprisingly well written, and is easily on par with any sci-fi "B" movie from the early sixties. Brown and Mayer are credible and convincing throughout, which only makes the lunacy (no pun intended) all the more surreal. Their straight-faced, deadpan performances help make the film the giddily preposterous gem that it is.

Top billing is afforded nudie model "Marietta," who appears in the double roles of Brown's secretary, Cathy, and the Moon Queen. She was obviously cast on account of her physical attributes, yet she's actually a decent actress, and her brief scenes as Brown's lovestruck secretary are sincere and believable.

The film opens with a cheesy and inexplicably lengthy shot of the twinkling heavens as might be viewed from the moon, accompanied by Judith J. Kushner's catchy title song, "Moon Dolls," sung by Ralph Young, who would later partner with Belgian singer Tony Sandler to form the famous recording duo of Sandler and Young. (Another interesting footnote: Doc Severinsen of Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show" not only contributed to the musical score but also appears in the cast list, though I challenge anybody to recognize him as one of the half-naked "moon men.")

One of the great things about this movie is the sunny, Florida-travelogue photography. And there are one or two beautiful and almost breathtakingly unconventional shots of our heroes driving along rain-slicked Miami blacktop under a menacing canopy of thunderheads.

There's also a clever in-joke that occurs whilst our intrepid astronauts drive through Miami Beach on their way to the launch pad. Just as Clint Eastwood walked past a movie marquee advertising the Eastwood-directed "Play Misty for Me" in Don Siegel's "Dirty Harry," Brown and Mayer drive past Miami Beach's Variety Theater, the marquee of which is emblazoned with the title of another Doris Wishman film, "Hideout in the Sun" (in "Nuderama!")

The great drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs listed "Nude on the Moon" as one of his "Sleaziest Movies in the History of the World," however I would respectfully disagree. For sheer sleaze, the film hardly measures up to Wishman's "Bad Girls go to Hell" (1965), "The Amazing Transplant" (1970), or her latest offering, "Satan was a Lady" (2001). In spite of the liberal above-the-waist nudity, "Nude on the Moon" is one of the least sleazy movies I've ever seen. I've seen many films with far fewer bared breasts that were a thousand times sleazier. If anything, this most famous of Wishman's films strikes the viewer not with its venality but its astounding innocence.

One of the most interesting things about the film was that it was shot at the oddball south Florida tourist attraction, Coral Castle, the bizarre history of which is detailed in Florida journalist Eliot Kleinberg's entertaining book "Weird Florida." Coral Castle was also used as a location in James L. Wolcott's "Wild Women of Wonga" (1958) and Herschell Gordon Lewis's obscure fantasy opus, "Jimmy, the Boy Wonder" (1966).

Cult fans will immediately recognize blonde cutie Shelby Livingston in a non-speaking part as one of the fetching "Moon Dolls." Shelby is best remembered for her role as disaffected housewife Bea Miller, who gets her arm hacked off in H.G. Lewis's southern-fried gorefest, "Two Thousand Maniacs."

A delirious mixture of campy humor, harmless nudity and Florida kitsch, "Nude on the Moon" is a priceless cinematic gem from a more innocent time. A silly, wonderful, charming little film.

Nude on the Moon (1961)

* (out of 4)

A couple scientists invent a rocket-ship and head off for the moon. Once there they love the fact that there are naked woman standing around everywhere.

This Doris Wishman film, for some reason, has a minor cult following but I really wouldn't tell you why. Some people talk about the various changes or firsts that were done with this "nudist" picture but I guess they were watching something other than me. Yes, most nudist pictures in their Golden Era just had a camera wondering around and capturing whatever nudity they could. In my humble opinion, the "nudist" film has to be the worst sub-genre ever made and certainly has the most number of awful films.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on nudist films because, after all, it wasn't as easy to see nude bodies as it was today but at the same time you'd think directors would come up with better ways of showing it. I mean, the stories to these films are just downright awful and the majority of the time we're just given the thinest of plots and a cheap reason to capture the nudity. This film does feature a wrap-around story with the scientist making the rocket and so on but it doesn't add anything to the film other than a longer running time.

I will at least admit that the majority of the people naked here are good looking, which is a step up from some of the movies I've seen but outside of this there's no reason to watch NUDE TO THE MOON unless you're just trying to see everything Wishman did.