Il conquistatore

I was originally going to award this film a much more generous rating, but it so outstayed its welcome I knocked a couple of stars off.

For one who professes such a love of classic cinema Martin Scorsese has form where it comes to not bothering to get his facts straight; the principal case for the prosecution being the shameless hagiography of 'The Aviator' which heroically portrays Howard Hughes as A Man with a Dream rather than the spoilt brat who squandered Daddy's money wrecking RKO.

It took a special sort of genius on the part of Hughes to blow the biggest budget in RKO's history to such little effect and wipe out several of Hollywood's finest talents - including John Wayne in a role originally intended for Marlon Brando - and a major studio in the process.

The idiosyncratic casting of the lead extends to the supporting cast by depicting Wayne, Pedro Armendariz and William Conrad as siblings and Agnes Moorehead as their mother (heaven knows what their father looked like), and Ted De Corsia as Susan Hayward's father.

I saw this film at age 9 when it was newly released, back in the sunset years of the Technicolor historical spectacular. I knew immediately that it was bad, GLORIOUSLY in-your-face bad! I eagerly taped it about fifteen years ago off a television broadcast and have gleefully lent the tape to friends and acquaintances many times since to spread the word.

The incomprehensible miscasting of John Wayne aside, THE CONQUEROR is bad in so many ways that's it's difficult to focus on the best (or worst) elements. Perhaps most delightfully awful is the dialogue:

"She is woman, Jamuga...much woman. Should her perfidy be less than that of other women?" (John Wayne to Pedro Armendariz)

"Kumlik's daughter! Spawn of the devil! Let your men make sport with her!" "No, mo-ther, I will keep this wo-man for my own plea-sure!" (Exchange between mom Agnes Moorehead and son John Wayne)

"You will love me, Bortai...you will love me of your own will before the sun rises!" "Before that day dawns, Mongol, the vultures will feast upon your heart!" (Love chat between Wayne and Hayward)

These are three of literally dozens of examples of prime dialogue kitsch with which THE CONQUEROR abounds. It is priceless...see it!

I know this is widely considered to be a great travesty of filmmaking, but its problems can be (and have been) over-stated. The costuming, direction, cinematography and choreography are all quite well done and it is surprisingly true to history. Most people can't get beyond the fact that John Wayne plays the title role of Genghis Khan and I admit that it is difficult, but the greatest problem is his accent, not his acting. He delivers his lines exactly as if he were in one of his Western classics and does not attempt a Mongolian accent. The dialogue is (contrary to the previous comments) not inappropriate, but when delivered by Wayne with his western twang, its does often sound comical. I suggest that the audience try to think of this film as just another cowboy movie and try not to take it so seriously. In the end, it is a thoroughly enjoyable film, and that is what matters. The lack of Asian actors is regrettable, but consistent for the era in which is was made.

John Wayne is the consummate cowboy, only Clint Eastwood comes close to approaching the title. So it's really jarring to the sensibilities to see Wayne standing there in a Mongol costume and a cheesy "fu manchu" moustache spouting barbarian lines in his trademark western drawl. It's like seeing Alec Guinness start acting like Pee-Wee Herman; some serious misalignment of the heavens has happened and maybe that guy on the corner saying "the end of the world is nigh" was right.

That aside, "The Conqueror" plays like an epic Cecil B. DeMille movie, with epic lines, epic scenery, and epic music. Say what you want about modern cinema, recent movies as a whole tend to be better researched, with characters, clothing, and sets that are historically accurate. This movie makes it clear they had no concept what Genghis Khan and his time was like. People, Wayne included, simply say grandiose lines without any inflection, as if they had no idea how to act the part.

Through it all, I kept expecting Susan Hayward to claim she was an alien or had fallen through a time machine. I doubt very many 12th century Mogolian women had red permed hair and wore low cut dresses. "The Conqueror" is either one of the worst movies you ever saw or one of the funniest.

My friends and I were lounging around watching a boring football game when we chanced onto this 1950's spectacular on TCM. We were astounded, stupefied. I'm not normally one of those people who gets off on really bad films--most bad films are just plain bad. But this was so bad, it was surreal--and hilarious. John Wayne, as usual, plays John Wayne, except this time America's iconic cowboy Real Man is in phony Oriental make-up, prancing around in fuzzy pelt vests, spouting lines in Medieval Mongolian Shakespearian barbarian-speak with a Western twang. (Example: "Ya didn't suckle me ta be slain by Tartars, my mo-ther.") With lavish pretensions toward epic grandeur, the sweeping outdoor vistas of the Central Asian steppe looking suspiciously like southern Utah, where the movie was indeed filmed. You think I'm making this up? I beg you, please rent this film! You won't regret it. Unlike most bad films, this film really is so bad that it's good. It's a bona fide disaster!