Untamed Women

Okay, so it's a notch or two below the works of Orson Welles, but connoisseurs of tacky B-movies from the 1950s will find much to enjoy in this tale of four Air Force men who crash their World War II plane in the South Pacific and who then wind up on an island inhabited by a colony of beautiful women dressed in cavewoman chic. Especially notable is the dialog spoken by these women. Here are my four favorite lines: (1) "Thy lips are parched and dry." (2) "The ways of men are strange to us, O Sandra our priestess and protector." (3) "The strange-tongued one speaketh in riddles." (4) "They be only four and ye be many."

There are visual delights as well, such as the footage of nervous-looking lizards crawling around miniature rocks and trees in an attempt to palm themselves off as some kind of dinosaurs. And then there's the exploding volcano in the final reel!

However, these charms can't equal those found in "Island of Lost Women" because that movie has a more attractive cast. The females in "Untamed Women," for example, look like runner-up beauty queens from a small high school in Oklahoma, and the men are routine specimens who keep their clothes on. On the other hand, the females in "Island of Lost Women" rank on the va-va-voom scale and the two men are hot-looking hunks who shed their shirts faster than gay strippers at a New Year's Eve party.

And finally, would someone explain why a woman from a two-thousand-year-old Druid culture living on an uncharted Pacific island be called "Sandra?"

During WWII, the survivors of a successful, but ill-fated bombing mission wind up on an uncharted island. They're soon taken captive by the feral females of the title. Much tribal dancing ensues.

UNTAMED WOMEN is just about as absurd as any movie of its type could possibly be. For their part, the male soldiers spend a lot of their time trapped in a cave. That, or being hounded by "prehistoric monsters" (lizards and armadillos with rubber horns and / or fins glued onto their backs). None of which is very exciting. Luckily, our heroes are equipped with those pistols that never run out of bullets. They also have deep discussions about their lives. None of which is very interesting.

Just wait until the secret of the women's origin is revealed! The introduction of the "hairy men" adds to the hilarity!

So, pop the corn and intoxicate some friends. Schlock of this caliber is rare indeed...

Crammed with Lost-World-Women Clad in Loin-Cloths and Premium Hair and Make-Up.

Magnified Lizards and Assorted Creatures, some Stolen from "One Million Years B. C." (1940), an Angry Volcano, and a Tribe of "The Harry Ones", just Waiting to Kill, Rape, and Pillage.

The Girls are All Pretty and Pretty Willing to be Friendly with the Newly Arrived Soldiers, who had to Crash-Land During Battle.

There are Copious Amounts of Genre Cliches, Tropes, and Expectations.

The Strength of the Movie is the Fast-Pacing and some Clever Shots and Angles. It's Obvious some Effort went into Making this Movie Entertaining.

The Weakness is a Never-Shuts-Up, Brooklyn Dodgers Fan who Routinely Brings the Movie to a Cringe-Inducing Halt.

But Overall if You are Attracted to this Type of Thing, it will Not Disappoint.

There is Enough Eye-Candy Here to Satisfy and the Musical Score Ain't Bad.

It also Goes Against the Grain of the Usual "Happy Ending".

The Poster Version with the T-Rex is a Colorful, Classy B-Movie Classic.

Slightly Above Average and...

Worth a Watch.

Untamed Women has pilot Mikel Conrad who has spent time on a rubber raft being rescued and is now in the hospital. He and his crew have crashed in the Pacific (I think because the film isn't real specific) laying in the bed totally mute and in shock. Dr. Lyle Talbot administers some sodium pentathol and Conrad like Ishmael tells his tale.

After sinking an enemy cruiser, the bomber is hit with flak and has to ditch in the ocean. The crew bails out and eventually four of them reach an uncharted island that the mapmakers missed.

The uncharted island was really losing currency at this time. There just aren't any of those in the Atlantic and in the Pacific during World War II, the Americans and the Japanese probably charted everything that was left, but I digress.

Once on the island Conrad and his crew run into all kinds of things, a tribe of Neanderthals who need some women because these guys definitely haven't had their itches scratched in like forever, a tribe of Amazons who are descended from Druids scattered to the four winds after the invasion of Britain by the Romans, a volcano everybody worships and for good measure some prehistoric beasts thrown in courtesy of One Million BC. I think you can figure out the rest of the plot with these elements.

The movie leaves this location purposely vague. At one point the usual guy from Brooklyn who pops up in all war movies says that if they get back on the ocean the enemy might pick them up and they'll spend the rest of the war in a concentration camp eating raw fish and rice. Clues that these guys could be in either theater.

These Amazons are without men because the Neanderthals have killed them all off in previous raids. They like what they see in this stranded bomber crew who speak so foreign, but want to make sure they're not with the Neanderthals. As for their looks, in those animal skins with Fifties styled hairdos, they look like a line that any Las Vegas club would be proud to have.

Untamed Women just goes to show that Ed Wood did not direct all the bad movies from this era.

This movie's a variation on the "men-are-stranded-with-lost-civilization-of-sex-starved-women" theme. A WWII bomber is forced down in the ocean, and after paddling their raft for a few days, the surviving men come ashore on the usual uncharted island, which is ruled by a race of women descended from the Druids (!).

That's only the beginning of the fun, as the women are constantly pestered by "The Hairy Men", who are a bunch of actors dressed in animal skins and covered by fake hair. A few of the usual shots of lizards from "One Million Years B.C." are thrown in, there are battles with the "Hairy Men", and a volcanic eruption climax predictably ends the movie. The whole implausible story is told by Conrad in flashback to serious doctor Lyle Talbot and a nurse, who find the whole story a bit wild until "evidence" of its veracity is uncovered in the final shot.

This movie is entertaining due to its bizarre plot, laughable dialogue, and plentiful action sequences. There's nothing quite like it, to be sure, so watch with an open mind.

P.S.: Nomination for the movie's best line: "Ed, stand guard. Shoot anything with hair on it that moves!"