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... and that's as flimsy an excuse for a parade of stars as there ever was. This one seems more forced and artificial than such films normally do.

Many of the stars have little or nothing to do in their cameos: Barbara Stanwyck, Burt Lancaster, Diana Lynn, and especially Robert Preston. Perhaps they're the lucky ones, given the limp nature of the script. They might have wound up like Spike Jones -- he and his City Slickers are far more obnoxious here than they were in "Thank Your Lucky Stars" (1943). Or the pitiable Alan Ladd, singing about that greatest of cities, Tallahassee, Florida. Seriously.

The occasional bright spots include Paulette Goddard wearing soapsuds, and Ray Milland hiding his telephone in an overhead light fixture, à la "The Lost Weekend".

I was also keen to see the rarely glimpsed, grey-haired Glenn Tryon, the male lead in 1928's magnificent "Lonesome", one of the final great achievements of the American silent film. "Lonesome" is comparable in some ways to King Vidor's "The Crowd", but is much less frequently discussed.

I think few would argue if I were to say that "Variety Girl" is for completists only.

Caveat emptor: This film's recent video release in the Bob Hope Collection has the George Pal Technicolor sequence in black and white.

There's plenty of stars in this homage to Variety clubs international but precious little entertainment. A poor script and shoddy production values make this movie look as though it was shot over weekends on whatever sets happened to be available. Painful to sit through at times with dated comedy routines that were probably not very funny even at the time. Of the performers Pearl Bailey does a not bad musical number, and Bing Crosby and Bob Hope come the closest to being funny.

"Variety Girl", a film from 1947, showed up recently on cable. The film, which takes the theme of the Variety Club, which was a charitable organization involving well known movie people, is an excuse for showcasing the talent players employed by the studio. Paramount was at the time one of the most powerful places in which movies were made. As such, the idea behind this picture was to show how united and family-like the studio was.

The story is paper thin. It presents an implausible situation about two young women trying to make it in the movie industry. They, like thousand other hopefuls, attracted by the glamour of Hollywood came to Los Angeles in droves to be discovered. This is exactly what Katherine Brown and Amber Lavonne try to do with amazing results.

The fun in watching "Variety Girl" is recognizing stars, larger than life, being caught in the act of being themselves. Thus, we see the likes of Alan Ladd, Dorothy Lamour, Burt Lancaster, Lizabeth Scott, Barbara Stanwych, Gary Cooper, William Holden, William Bendix, and many others involved in either the show that takes the center of the story, or just around the studio, mixing with colleagues and extras.

The funniest sequence involved Olga San Juan, who plays Amber, emoting to the high heavens just to be noticed by the many diners at the Brown Derby. Also the singing duo of Bing Crosby and Bob Hope in their rendition of Harmony.

This is just an entertainment as conceived by the studio, no doubt. The best way to watch it is just to do so without expecting anything other than a smile. That way it will not disappoint.

This movie is a rollicking treat in so many ways.

Firstly it is a wonderful nostalgic trip around Paramount studios in 1947. Bing's makeshift golf course, sound stages and administration buildings.

It is also an insight into how pictures were made. In the Cecil B. DeMille scene set there is of course no blue/green screen. The projection light goes on, and suddenly you see the back projection of the river. And when the actress walks behind the screen you see her shadow looming prominently. Or in William Bendix's kitchen where you see the sink is simply a board with nothing underneath, and the actor runs out of a back door discretely hidden in the scenery.

Even the backstory used as a link to the stars is entertaining. Frank Ferguson with his distinct gravelly voice, who generally plays small parts such as the townsman in westerns who gets shot after about 5 minutes, gives his all as the studio head, Olga San Juan's performance isn't too forced and De Forrest Kelley is a curiosity in a rare leading (sort of) nice guy role. But of course the crowd wants to see the stars. And boy do they shine. Hope & Crosby's golf skit, Alan Ladd in a singing role with Dorothy Lamour, even Pinto Colvig (best known as the voice of Grumpy & the first voice of Goofy) in performance doing voice over.

Sadly the print I saw (Universal Vault DVD series)has the Puppetoon sequence in black and white (even though the credits say it's in color).

Apart from that frustrating issue, in summing up, just relax and soak up the fun.

You know those lousy movies that were basically taped variety shows for WWII soldiers, with tons of cameos and no actual story? Well, Variety Girl is not one of those movies. Technically, it is, but since it does have a story, and it's the best variety film I've ever seen, I hesitate to lump it among all the bad ones. The film starts out by telling the story of a baby being left in a movie theater. The theater executives adopted the girl and provided a good education for her, but they haven't been active in her life. So, when she sets up a screen test in Hollywood, the big wigs who are her adoptive fathers, don't recognize her! While the sweet and talented Olga San Juan hopes for a Hollywood break, the conniving Mary Hatcher tries to horn in on her opportunity. Checking in with Olga's name, she weasels her way into the screen test instead. Which girl will make the grade, and which girl will get the guy, DeForest Kelly? You'll have to watch this barrel of laughs to find out.

Sprinkled in among Olga and Mary's tour of Hollywood are cameos from Gary Cooper, Barbara Stanwyck, William Holden, Ray Milland, Alan Ladd, Paulette Goddard, Lizabeth Scott, Burt Lancaster, Joan Caulfield, Sonny Tufts, Dorothy Lamour, Sterling Hayden, Barry Fitzgerald, Howard Da Silva, William Bendix, Veronica Lake, Robert Preston, Gail Russell, Macdonald Carey, Billy De Wolfe, Mona Freeman, Patric Knowles, Cass Daley, Cecil Kellaway, Pearl Bailey, Spike Jones, Mitchell Leisen, Frank Faylen, Cecil B. DeMille, and Frank Butler-who hilariously criticizes a set of dialogue only to be told that he wrote it a few years earlier!

Bing Crosby and Bob Hope have pretty lengthy and funny cameos as t hey both help the girls break into show business. This movie is hilarious; even if you take a popcorn break during some of the songs or skits that last a little too long, it's still a ton of fun. Mary Hatcher tries to get Cecil B. DeMille's attention at a restaurant, so she pretends to get a phone call right in front of his table so she can rattle off emotional dialogue. Cecil and his lunch companion Frank Butler take bets as to which impersonation she'll do next, from Bette Davis to Gene Autrey's horse!