- Ronald Kornblow: From now on the essence of this hotel will be speed. If a customer askes you for a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he askes you for a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he askes you for a one-minute egg, give him the chicken and let him work it out for himself!
- Corbaccio: What you need is a good bodyguard.
- Ronald Kornblow: What I need is a good body. The one I've got isn't worth guarding.
- Ronald Kornblow: You know, I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world.
- Beatrice Rheiner: [eagerly] Do you really?
- Ronald Kornblow: No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewheres.
- Mr. Smythe: Sir, this lady is my wife. You should be ashamed.
- Ronald Kornblow: If this lady is your wife, YOU should be ashamed.
- Beatrice Rheiner: I shall be in the Supper Club.
- Ronald Kornblow: The Supper Club?
- Beatrice Rheiner: Yes. Will you join me?
- Ronald Kornblow: Why? Are you coming apart?
- Beatrice Rheiner: Oh, come on now. You wouldn't say no to a lady.
- Ronald Kornblow: I don't know why not? They always say no to me.
- Corbaccio: I be-a you bodyguard! I watch-a you like a mother watches a baby!
- Ronald Kornblow: Is the mother pretty?
- Corbaccio: Why?
- Ronald Kornblow: Well, if she is, you watch the baby, I'll watch the mother!
- Beatrice Rheiner: My name's Beatrice Rheiner. I stop at the hotel.
- Ronald Kornblow: My name's Ronald Kornblow. I stop at nothing!
- Ronald Kornblow: How about getting rid of that mutt?
- Beatrice Rheiner: Oh, Frou-Frou's a watchdog.
- Ronald Kornblow: Well, let him watch somebody else.
- Beatrice Rheiner: Oh, Frou-Frou won't bother us. He has such good manners.
- Ronald Kornblow: If he had such good manners, he'd get off your lap and give me a seat. He can stand up better than I can, he's got twice as many legs.
- Ronald Kornblow: After all, I'm a man and you're a woman... and I can't think of a better arrangement.
- Ronald Kornblow: I don't mind being killed, but I resent hearing it from a character whose head comes to a point!
- Annette: [Noticing a very disheveled Mr. Kornblow making his way back to the hotel] Good heavens, Mr. Kornblow, what happened?
- Ronald Kornblow: What happened! I was stood up by a woman, and knocked down by a car. These Casablanca drivers are terrible! He missed me three times. I finally had to climb a palm tree, and he hit that instead.
- Ronald Kornblow: [Bea and Kornblow are playfully blowing smoke at each other] This is like living in Pittsburgh - if you can call that "living".
- Corbaccio: [the bottle of champagne they've just uncorked turns out to be empty] Hey, you cheap crook, that bottle's empty!
- Ronald Kornblow: That's "dry" champagne!
- Ronald Kornblow: [just taken off in an airplane] Well, here we are flying in the air.
- [stares into camera]
- Ronald Kornblow: What a stupid remark that is.
- Ronald Kornblow: It's a funny thing. I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down.
- Ronald Kornblow: Call me Montgomery.
- Beatrice Rheiner: Is that your name?
- Ronald Kornblow: No. I'm just breaking it in for a friend.
- Ronald Kornblow: [as the new hotel manager, Groucho has asked what happened to a previous manager]
- Governor Galoux: Monsieur! We caught him stealing money! We were forced to discharge him!
- Ronald Kornblow: I see. You want a manager that doesn't steal money. Good day, gentlemen.
- Ronald Kornblow: [tries to leave]
- Prefect of Police Capt. Brizzard: [holds Kornblow back] Please Monsieur Kornblow do not take offense. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
- Ronald Kornblow: Well, that's quite a trick. You try that sometime.
- Ronald Kornblow: [as Beatrice Rheiner is leaving the room, with her back to the camera, and alluding to her hourglass figure] That reminds me, I must get my watch fixed.
- Corbaccio: [Sitting down at the piano to play with the hotel's orchestra] We're gonna' play a little classical number. We're gonna' play the Second Movement from "The Beer Barrel Polka".
- Ronald Kornblow: Do you rhumba?
- Beatrice Rheiner: Yes.
- Ronald Kornblow: Well I don't, but I'll walk around with you while you rhumba.
- Corbaccio: [Bumping into an Arab street vendor selling clothing] You gotta' be careful with those guys: they take you to the cleaners.
- Ronald Kornblow: Well, gentlemen, I'm a different man behind a desk - as any stenographer can tell you. But, uh, what I want to know, is why they're burying the last manager. And don't tell me it's because he's dead.
- Ronald Kornblow: [Talking to a hotel guest over the phone] Hello? What's that, sir? You've been up in your room three-and-a-half hours, and your trunks haven't arrived? Well, put your pants on. Nobody'll know the difference.
- Ronald Kornblow: The elevator is stuck between the fifth and sixth floors? This could only happen to me!