- Superintendent: It's a country station, rather off the beaten track.
- William Porter: Oh, I don't mind, as long as it's near the railway.
- Jeremiah Harbottle: [pocket watch to ear, it having been flattened by a train, exclaims in surprise] It's stopped!
- William Porter: Albert. Who's Albert?
- Jeremiah Harbottle: He comes in for me when I'm not here.
- William Porter: Well, which is his clock?
- Jeremiah Harbottle: [Jerry puts William's clock on the mantelpiece] He hasn't got a clock. He's still alive.
- William Porter: [snatching clock] Hey, give me that back!
- Jeremiah Harbottle: What? Aren't you going to put it with the others?
- William Porter: What, amongst them? They're a lot of tombstones!
- [William Porter is wheel-tapping a train]
- Managing director's wife: You may think me a little stupid, but why do they tap them?
- William Porter: Well, you see, madam, it's like this. If I tap the wheel with this hammer and the wheel goes clang, then I know that the wheel's there.
- Managing director: But supposing that the wheel doesn't go clang?
- William Porter: Well, then I know that the train's gone!
- First irate farmer: [confronting the station master about a cancelled train] I've got a return to Dublin.
- Second irate farmer: And I've got a single to Belfast.
- Third irate farmer: And what am I going to do with my Cork?
- Porter: [Opens his mouth to reply but thinks better of it and says nothing]
- William Porter: Well, I can't give you the exact number at the moment.
- [pauses to think]
- William Porter: But in rough figures, I would say quite a lot.
- William Porter: [sniffs] Is something burning somewhere?
- Jeremiah Harbottle: That would be Albert, cooking the breakfast.
- William Porter: Smells more like somebody cooking Albert.
- William Porter: [going into danger, reassuringly] I'm behind yer.
- Jeremiah Harbottle: Do you want to go in front?
- William Porter: No, I can see all right from here.
- Signalman: [wanting to know if he can let a train through] Can I stick me signals up?
- William Porter: Yes, if it'll give you any pleasure.
- Mr. Trimbletow: Ther's a place in Ireland called Buggleskelly.
- William Porter: That's nothing, there's a place in Wales called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
- William Porter: You should have come sooner!
- First irate farmer: I couldn't, my wife's had quinsy...
- William Porter: Like that woman in Canada?
- Postman: And every night when the moon gives light, The ghost of the miller is seen, As he walks the track with a sack on his back, Down to the Black Borheen. And the mill wheels turn though the night is still, And the elf lights flash from the ruined mill, He haunts the station, he haunts the hill, And the land that lies between.
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By what name was Oh, Mr. Porter! (1937) officially released in Canada in English?
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