- Marie Lawson: [to Terry, who's aggressively flirting with her] I had a kid brother like you once, but we found out he was an idiot so we drowned him.
- Johnny: [He and Terry are on a phone repair service call in an unsavory place] Let's get outta' here.
- Terry Riley: Let's get outta' here.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: I am now communing with the spirit of Minnie Hellmann. Minnie, are you there?
- Crystal's Partner in Con Game: Here, Crystal, you take this one.
- Crystal: [speaking in a thick Southern accent] This is Minnie. How is ya', Sarah? Sho' I miss you, honey child. Madame Francis talks to me every mornin' about you all.
- Sarah - Seance Participant: [flustered] Minnie, darling, why do you speak with Southern accent?
- Crystal: Well, uh, you see, Sarah, I lives in the southern part of heaven, and we sing spirituals all day long.
- Terry Riley: [rings the doorbell] Telephone company.
- Blonde Call Girl: Well?
- Terry Riley: Where's the phone?
- Blonde Call Girl: I'll bite. Where is it?
- Terry Riley: We'll both bite. Where's the phone?
- Blonde Call Girl: Oh, the phone! In there.
- Joe Flood: Some dame telephoned and said that you slapped her on the...
- Terry Riley: Oh, that, yeah.
- Joe Flood: Yeah, oh that, so what?
- Terry Riley: Oh, that was purely an accident.
- Joe Flood: How could it be an accident?
- Terry Riley: Oh, I was gonna slap her on the shoulder and she bent over.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Well, I suppose you're the spirit of Sandy McPherson?
- Terry Riley: Well, I was, but I changed characters. Now, I'm Houdini.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: What do you mean bustin' up my seance?
- Terry Riley: Oh, it was gettin' awful dull.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Oh, you're from the phone company.
- Terry Riley: Sister, I am the telephone company.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Why pick on me?
- Terry Riley: Well how did I know it was you?
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: How 'bout a drink?
- Terry Riley: Oh, no. That's not allowed.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Oh, you never break rules?
- Terry Riley: We've got one rule: the subscriber is always right.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Then, you'll have a drink!
- Terry Riley: What other tricks do you pull around here?
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: I'm also a mind reader.
- Terry Riley: Sister, if you could read my mind right now, you'd throw me outta here.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: [moves closer] You want me to give you a reading?
- Terry Riley: You can be anything you want; but, the phone still comes out.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: I'd like to show you my crystal.
- [takes Terry into the back room and closes the door]
- Marie Lawson: What is it about me that you find so irresistible?
- Muriel: Oh, that's a long, long story, beautiful. But, there's one thing about you that...
- Marie Lawson: Ah! Keep it clean.
- Johnny: Some day we're gonna get a call where there ain't no dames. It may take years and I may be an old guy with a beard. But, we're gonna get it.
- Terry Riley: You'd think you didn't like me.
- Marie Lawson: I don't like fresh figs either.
- Terry Riley: That's all right, duchess, I grow on people.
- Marie Lawson: So do carbuncles.
- Terry Riley: [on the phone, disguising his voice] Will you give me a room and a bath?
- Marie Lawson: I'll get you the room clerk.
- Terry Riley: I don't want room clerk, I want a bath.
- Marie Lawson: Well, the room clerk will attend to you, sir.
- Terry Riley: I'm old enough to attend to myself and it's Saturday night. This is Cornelius Bergonigswergill.
- [no longer talking in disguise]
- Terry Riley: Will you give me a bath?
- Johnny: You know, I'd be afraid to take chances with all them women the way you do.
- Terry Riley: Well, I tell you Johnny, you don't know it, but, girls all around this town break up their phones just so I'll come and put things together.
- Marie Lawson: [answers the door] Oh, it's you!
- Terry Riley: I understand you've got a ringin' in your ears. Maybe it's the phone? Ah, no answer, huh? That's bad. I guess I better go over your apparatus. Maybe you're not hooked up right.
- Terry Riley: Would you like a longer cord?
- Marie Lawson: Did you bring one?
- Terry Riley: I brought everything I thought'd fit your case.
- Terry Riley: You're the stubbornest dame I ever met in my life.
- Marie Lawson: And you're the stupidest jackass!
- Terry Riley: That's fine. That means you're falling for me.
- Terry Riley: What's the matter, duchess?
- Marie Lawson: Oh, I got somethin' on my mind.
- Terry Riley: So have I. I wish you knew.
- Marie Lawson: I do know. That's the trouble with ya.
- Terry Riley: I get it. Some guy's botherin' ya.
- Marie Lawson: Now, why do you say that?
- Terry Riley: Because, I know guys - and you're worth botherin'.
- Marie Lawson: Now, please go home, Terry. I mean it!
- Terry Riley: Why?
- Marie Lawson: Because you've got an idea and I'm against it.
- Terry Riley: What's wrong with a good idea?
- Marie Lawson: You can't come in.
- Terry Riley: I gotta go in. My tools are in there.
- Marie Lawson: I'll hand 'em out to you.
- Terry Riley: And I gotta put your phone together.
- Marie Lawson: You win.
- [she lets him in]
- Terry Riley: You look tired. Why don't you go to bed?
- Marie Lawson: I'll be in bed two minutes after that door's locked between us.
- Terry Riley: Yeah, but you might forget to pull up the covers. I better stay and tuck you in.
- Terry Riley: What's the matter? You afraid of your natural impulses?
- Marie Lawson: You're not one of my natural impulses.
- Terry Riley: Prove it!
- Terry Riley: Come on, let's be friends. Give me a kiss, will ya? Then, I'll fade - unless you change your mind.
- Marie Lawson: That fade thing's the happiest thought you've had tonight.
- Terry Riley: [short kiss followed by a long kiss] Oh, and we waste time fighting.
- Marie Lawson: You better go now.
- Terry Riley: Well, either you've got high tension resistance or I'm - slippin'. Good night, duchess.
- Terry Riley: A friend of mine, a girl, she needs a job. Was workin' at a hotel switchboard and I thought, maybe, well, you know, I thought maybe you could get her on here.
- Joe Flood: You're sure she's competent?
- Terry Riley: Oh, you bet she is! I knew you'd fix it up.
- Joe Flood: Well, I'm, maybe I could find a place for her.
- Terry Riley: Ah, that's swell, Joe!
- Joe Flood: Let me see. If I use a little pull, I could probably get her the right spot, you know. Somethin' easy.
- Terry Riley: Ah, that's great. I knew you'd figure it out.
- Joe Flood: Yeah, I could. If I wanted to.
- Terry Riley: Ah, thanks.
- Joe Flood: But I wouldn't give a friend of yours the right time!
- Terry Riley: What?
- Joe Flood: Anybody you know ought to be picked up as a suspicious character.
- Terry Riley: Hey, now lay off, Joe. You're not talkin' about a tramp.
- Joe Flood: Competent, huh? Well, I'll tell you the job I had in mind for her. Some place in a nut factory! Any dame that'd fall for you ain't competent. She's an imbecile!
- Terry Riley: Hold the thought. Hold the thought! I gotta guy. I gotta a guy! Oh, what a dope I am. Wait a minute. Wait. Let me think of his name now. Eh, eh. Schuyler! Schuyler! That's the guy! Big investment man! Do anything for me!
- Johnny: I knew if you kept jugglin' them powder puffs long enough, one would smack you in the skull and fracture it. If I know all the signs, you're hooked.
- Terry Riley: Yeah? Well, you'd be a better man if you'd let one of 'em heat you up. You're so cold, you spit ice cubes. Why don't you dig up a dame and bring her along tonight?
- Johnny: Not me. I'm a man's man!
- Loretta Kennedy: Tell me Marie, how do you like your new job?
- Marie Lawson: Oh, it makes my head swim! Nobody speaks with less than $50,000 in that office.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Hello handsome! Where you been?
- [throws her arms around Terry]
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: I thought you fortune tellers knew everything? Unglue yourself, will ya.
- Bonnie aka Madame Francis: Why didn't ya come back and see me, huh?
- Terry Riley: What's the idea of bringin' this tomato?
- Johnny: You told me to dig up a dame. This is what I dug up.
- Terry Riley: Well, you can go right back and plant her again!
- Joe Flood: You sure find yourself a gal. Yeah! You find a prize dame. Out of a million skirts, you gotta pick a itchy-fingered Molly.
- Loretta Kennedy: Say, what's all this about? Every time I get a finger wave, I find a cop in my hair.
- Marie Lawson: [on the phone] I've got to see you.
- Terry Riley: You'll see me so fast it'll make your teeth ache. First, tell me were you are.
- Marie Lawson: I'm at the Alexander Hotel, Room 405.
- Terry Riley: All right. Stay right there. Don't move an eyelash!