- Elmer J. Butts: Say, it's so dark here, I can't see the nose before my face.
- Jimmy Potts: I don't have that trouble.
- Elmer J. Butts: What'll I do with it?
- Jimmy Potts: Stuff it!
- Elmer J. Butts: Where?
- Jimmy Potts: All over!
- Voting Registrar: What's your name.
- Jimmy Potts: Jimmy the Barber.
- Voting Registrar: What's your last name?
- Jimmy Potts: Do I have to tell you that?
- Voting Registrar: Yes!
- Jimmy Potts: Potts - and no crack!
- Voting Registrar: What - hey - what's your name?
- Elmer J. Butts: Elmer J. Butts.
- Jimmy Potts: Vote for beer! Put men to work. Put money in circulation. Don't cha want people to have somethin' in their pockets besides their hands? Don't cha?
- Jimmy Potts: You know, Elmer, I'd give ten dollars, right now, to be a millionaire!
- Elmer J. Butts: So would I.
- Jimmy Potts: Feel your way. Feel your way.
- Elmer J. Butts: Can't we make beer in the daylight?
- Jimmy Potts: We're makin' dark beer. How can you make dark beer in the daylight?
- Jimmy Potts: Beer! Beer! Beer! What marvelous beer! How gratifyin'. How gratifyin'. Why, look at that beer! Look at that quality of it! Aw, get the feel of it. Get the feel of it!
- Chief: Well, what percentage of alcohol did you find in the evidence?
- Police Chemist: Not a drop of alcohol in it.
- Chief: You mean, it's near beer?
- Police Chemist: It ain't been anywheres near a beer. It's brown dishwater.
- Cop: You mean they weren't selling beer?
- Police Chemist: No, they were running a tearoom.
- Jimmy Potts: What's wrong with our beer?
- Police Chemist: Nothing's wrong with it. That's the trouble. No alcohol in it.
- Jimmy Potts: Why, my partner and me, we didn't put it in on purpose. What do you think we are? Gangsters?
- Jimmy Potts: It took you a lifetime to save that ten thousand. Now you're broke. And it's all my fault.
- Elmer J. Butts: Oh, it's not your fault, Jimmy. I was just crazy to be a millionaire.
- Jimmy Potts: What for, Elmer?
- Elmer J. Butts: I was going to get married.
- Jimmy Potts: That's a tough break for the gal. Who is she?
- Elmer J. Butts: I haven't met her yet.
- Jimmy Potts: Why, he's so popular back East, that St. Louis claims he's from Milwaukee and Milwaukee claims he's from St. Louis.
- Spike Moran: Brother, I've always wanted to be in partnership with a mastermind - and we'll hang together.
- Hortense: Oh, my dress is soaking. Now, I'll have to take it off.
- Elmer J. Butts: Take it off?
- Hortense: You wouldn't want me to catch cold, would you?
- Elmer J. Butts: Well, have you got anything on underneath?
- Hortense: I hope you don't think I'm wrapped in cellophane?
- Hortense: Do you think it's wrong for a girl to take her dress off in front of a man?
- Elmer J. Butts: Well, I guess it's all in the way he looks at it.
- Hortense: [smiles] I think you're a naughty man!
- Elmer J. Butts: How's your ankle?
- Hortense: Will you rub it for me?
- Elmer J. Butts: Rub what?
- Hortense: My ankle, of course!
- Elmer J. Butts: Just massage your toes would be all right?
- Hortense: My ankle.
- Elmer J. Butts: Here?
- Hortense: Yes!
- Jimmy Potts: Who's the dame?
- Elmer J. Butts: She's a native of Australia.
- Jimmy Potts: Elmer, are you in love with a kangaroo?
- Jimmy Potts: Moran's a gangster! Lorado's a gangster! You're a gangster! I'm a gangster! We're all gangsters!
- Elmer J. Butts: What? Me a gangster?
- Jimmy Potts: Listen, Elmer. We gotta beat it outta town. We'd be murdered! Massacreed! We'd be taken for a ride.
- Jimmy Potts: Can you imagine? At a time like this. Elmer's in the park - spoonin'. Why, it's enough to give a man varicose brains.
- Jimmy Potts: In a gigantic struggle, my partner, Elmer Butts, brought beer back to you against exaggeratin' odds! He will go down in American posterity as performin' the greatest epicure of the age! He gives you this delicious beer garden - free of charge. And desecrates it to the future of a foamin' generation!