Recensioni degli utenti

It only takes a few minutes to realise this film is more inline with an episode of Jabberjaw than actual science fiction. The virtual sets and ridiculously annoying cast are as wooden as postman pat or thomas the tank engine. The out of focus camera work on their green screen bedroom set seems like it has more to do with zoom abuse in post production but I don't really care what the actual reason for that is, it's just unwatchable crapola.

The desperate vibe from the cast makes me think they thought this was going to be a real film once it all came together, they give off a cheesy vibe like they're actually thinking their lines are hitting just right. I guess they are if you enjoy the feeling of extreme cringe.

Giving this 1 star is a wild assumption it even deserves a rating at all, I'm writing this review more as a warning to anyone wondering if this is worth watching. Just to be very upfront if you misunderstood my past words, it's not worth 2 seconds of your life.

Wow, this is possibly the worst movie I've seen in the last decade. It really is jaw droppingly awful.

The special effects are hilarious and look like they've been created by a 9 year old using a Commodore Amiga.

Acting is delivered with all the charisma but none of the warmth of a piece of structural timber.

Soundtrack is abysmal and fits the movie in the same way a pair of gloves would fit a fish.

I genuinely cannot believe that anyone thought this was a good idea and then after seeing the abomination they had created, decided to put it out for public consumption.

Even Asylum would be ashamed to create something this bad and they have a spectacular back catalogue of dreadful movies.

Is there a place for this movie? Yes, most definitely....it's called the bin.

Got to say this is probably one of the worse CGI intensive movies i've ever seen, wonder how much money was dumped into this garbage they call a movie.

The story is sucky, actor just don't have any skills mostly by the exception of a few supporting cast that acted better than the main cast, oooof right there.

Furthermore, when you use so much CGI, why bother making it a movie with real humans in it? Might as well just make a 3D CGI movie with way more flexibility for everything all around, rather than trying to make a lame movie that attempt to pull nearly 85% of it's content on CGI.

I feel sorry for the whoever had to create this monstrosity of CGI intensive pile of garbage, hopefully they got paid well enough so they never have to work with these people ever again.

Right, well the poster/cover for the 2023 sci-fi movie "Colonials" definitely seemed interesting, plus the movie's synopsis also seemed interesting. And that was essentially sufficient to make me sit down and watch "Colonials", and usually I am not overly keen on sci-fi movies.

And after suffering through 18 minutes of this movie, I gave up. I simply just couldn't take more of the dumpster fire that was "Colonials". Seriously, how does something as atrocious as this get to see the light of day in 2023?

The storyline in the movie, well based on the synopsis seemed okay. But after just 18 minutes of laughable CGI and insanely wooden acting, I have to admit that I don't know what the storyline was about. Nor do I actually care anymore.

The acting performances in "Colonials" were wooden, rigid, sluggish and amateurish. And everything was filmed at a green screen, and it was painstakingly obvious. I gave up on the movie after watching leading actor Greg Kriek (playing Silas) perform the most laughable scream of terror ever performed on screen whilst inside an atrociously rendered CGI vehicle.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble, not that there were a lot of performers on the screen in the 18 minutes of sheer torture I sat through. But I perused IMDb after turning off the movie to check who was on the cast list. Not a single familiar face or name on the list.

Now, what really amazed me about "Colonials" was the God awful CGI that was used for virtually everything in the movie, aside from the actors and actresses that were on the screen. Everything was green screen. Terrible green screen, mind you. The CGI was flat, lacking texture and just moved in rigid and awkward manners. It looked worse than a PC game from the 1990s. It was, actually, so horrible to look at that it just drained away all will to watch the movie. How does such horrible CGI get a thumbs up in 2023?

I doubt that even the most hardcore of sci-fi fans will actually get any enjoyment out of watching directors Andrew Balek and Joe Bland's 2023 movie "Colonials".

This was without a doubt the worst movie experience of 2023 so far. The best thing about this project from writers Joe Bland and Cyrus Cheek was actually the cover/poster. This is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you waste your time, money or effort on.

My rating of "Colonials" lands on a well-deserved one out of ten stars.

I got to 16 minutes before I put myself out of my misery. The acting is atrocious and the cgi is like something from a Saturday morning children's television show. The concept is a good one and that's what made me watch it, however from the beginning I regretted it and I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did. This could have been a great film, instead it's probably the worst thing I've ever watched 16 minutes of in my entire life.

If I could have given it a zero I would have, but now I have to think of something to pad this review out to hit the character target for it to be posted...l can't so don't watch it.

Hot garbage would be too nice to describe this movie. The acting is horrific, the SFX are laughable and the story is mind numbing. Anyone giving this above 1-star must be part of the cast trying to bring the rating up. There isn't anything else to say, but you need to fill the "required characters" so I'll keep typing. Random words. Terrible movie. Do not watch. Most sets look like a junkyard. More random words. Filler,filler. Crazy guy playing in dirt. Trailer park. 1970s satellite dish. Did I mention how bad the CGI is? 8 bit games are better than this movie. Looks like I've finally filled all the characters I need.

Wow, I thought the recent War of the Worlds was bad, but this dire piece of garbage movie-making actually made that look professional.

I can't figure out how films like this actually see the light of day.

Terrible acting, terrible script and terrible CGI. Ok it gets 1 star for occasionally having a not too bad CGI scene but 5 seconds later they are back to looking like something an 8 year old did on their iPad.

Maybe it was supposed to be like this, the scriptwriter and director(s) were trying to make the dullest cheesiest sci-fi mangled steaming pile - in which case, well done, you succeeded beyond your dreams.

It misses on all accounts. The result is a more than disappointing story suited better to a high-school production.

The direction is static and the acting wooden (granted they didn't have a good script to work with) giving the impression you are watching a lego movie. Below par overacting and underwhelming story-line with a under average 'green screen' poorly masked by overpowering color-correction, that is distracting as it cuts from green light to pink to purple and orange.

Disappointing to say the least. There's a reason George Lucas was able to create a classic on self-funded budget - he had good bones to flesh out the characters. I was not even half way and was rooting for any of them.

This is quite possibly one of the worst film experiences possible.

Most obvious is a sound mix dominated by a deeply unpleasant low pitch rumble that adds nothing but gives the listener a constant headache. A hackneyed script entirely lacking in creativity and nuance is backed up by an edit that looks as if it was made using a blunt, rusty hatchet with the parts randomly shuffled. Some of the worst green screen film making I have seen with a complete lack of subtlety in the horrendous computer generated backgrounds. The unremitting use of oversaturated primary colours is painful to watch. It is an assault on the eyes and ears with no let up from start to finish

This film is entirely devoid of any redeeming qualities.

Its crazy that one guy made this whole movie with no money and during covid. I saw the team talk at Comic-Con and they were so cool. The passion they have is amazing. They had to make the whole movie in just 11 days because they didn't have enough budget.

The effects aren't perfect but keep in mind one guy edited like 2000 VFX shots. They even released a card game, video game, and dog tag at Comic-Con. You don't see movies today putting this much effort into the final product, especially after it's done. Big movies even quit during covid but this guy finished his movie.

Imagine if hollywood gave them a real budget. This movie would be massive. I really hope they make another one and people believe in this team. Can't wait to see what they do next.

I gave this a higher rating based solely upon the story, as well as a few of the characters which made this movie enjoyable to me.

I feel as though I enjoyed this film specifically because it did the most the most with what I could only assume was a tiny budget. This film, et al, typically in the science-fiction genre is yet another small example that we are (slowly) moving away from large studios being the sole players in the field.

I was disappointed by the dearth of negative reviews, even though I can appreciate that this is their opinion.

I feel as though if you can suspend your disbelief due to these (budgetary concerns), then you may enjoy this film too. Have a great day everyone!

Sounded pretty good . But started with some of the worst 'Disney Tern' style Acting. By 15 minutes the 1990 style FX 3xtended to the 10th degree had me skipping to see if anything gor better.. actually saw some wood frames with really bad vector cgi ... That was it, I simply had to stop. 8m not sure who wrote the script, but whoever it was would be fired from kiddy TV.

Graphics seemed to be vector 9vervaly placed every we here with no reguard to matching brightness or contrast. Explosions turned into squares and triangles pieces.. laughable.

Good luck.. acting not FX get any better from my skip through stopping about every 5 min... It got deleted from my PLEX.

I feel like this movie was made by a group of friends rather than professional actors. Also I've seen fan films with better CGI. This is pretty horrible. The acting was incredibly wooden and amateur. You can tell they are just standing in front of a green screen reciting lines.

Again, not enough can be said about the CGI. There are fanfilms with zero budget and working on a home PC that can produce far better CGI than what we are seeing in this film. The story could have been interesting but the writing unfortunately is woefully bad, preventing any chance of an interesting story being presented to us.

So.... this is indeed, very. Very bad. The acting, of some of the actors, some of the time, is somewhat not bad. But that is the only slightly not atrocious thing about this. The CGI is of a 1980s level, but in the worst way. The story is completely unoriginal, the acting is atrocious, especially from the lead, some supporting cast, the 2 women in in the beginning, the villianes, they're kinda okay. The other good thing about it is that its only 80 minutes.

In a case of pure Nomen est Omen, it is made by a guy named .... BLAND??? Actually "bland" still way too generous a description, it's far too generous and average. The real mystery is Who did Bland .... off to get to San Diego? Is he some type of nepo baby? I'd research it, but then, waste of time ~2 oth 10

The Melancholic Alcoholic.

Then realized this is today's B-movie:

• actors looking for their first break
• set builders learning to wield models
• camera ops dealing with overexposure

One actor really caught my interest... B. A. Tobin ("Thomas" in the Resistance).

He's a handsome, fit, young man and when he smiles, he beams and steals a scene. However, B. A. Tobin rarely stops smiling, regardless of the situation. This leads to scenes where possibly the director has corrected the smiling and the young thespian contorts his face in an effort to stop. It's actually funny.

BTW, if you like CGI, this film has a lifetime's worth... sadly of questionable quality.

Apparently shot with a hand-held camera in someone's back yard, this film has nothing going for it. Weak plot, boring dialogue, uninspired and unskilled actors make for a very large waste of time. Don't even bother. I was surprised at the age of some of the older actors. I wonder if they are film-school teaches. Whatever they are, they are not actors.

The audio is also poor. It occasionally wafted out when the background music because so extraordinarily loud.

I gave it one star because that's the lowest you can give, but some of the scenery is pretty. Of course, the film maker had nothing to do with that, but the scenery is the only enjoyable part of the film.

It popped up on Amazon prime and I love science fiction so I thought great. Was I wrong.

I had to google when it was filmed because it couldn't have been in this decade.

Whatever could be wrong or awful about a movie it had it all.

The CGI, dialogue , acting, over acting, under acting, timing, scenery, background , the characters.

I fast forward through to see if it gets better but no.

It lacks so much and has no direction or depth.

It is a terrible film.

How someone could make and edit this movie without knowing it is terrible is beyond comprehension.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time unless you want to torture yourself for someone else.