So you've written a bad script and you know a bunch of wannabe actors who aren't good at acting but they'll work for free plus one of them has a car you can use to transport your gear in and a sister you want to get to know a bit better, so you make a film and it's bad, so very very bad, the type of film that makes celebrity hidden sex tapes look like they were something filmed by Martin Scorsese, but you've learned a few things in your years working the graveyard shift on the drive through at Big Bills Burgers & Ribs, and one of those things is how to sell terrible products, so you call your film Pet Graveyard in the hope that people will mistake it for the new Pet Sematary because you know that that's the only way that you will get anyone to watch or buy your terrible film, I mean how hard can it be it's been working for The Asylum productions for years, and you've got to do something to get your $80 production costs back on this film because rent is due on Tuesday and your Mom/landlord is not a patient person.
Well it probably tricked some people, not me though, I torrented it because that's what films like this deserve. And after downloading my free copy of the film and suffering through its 90 minute runtime I then decided to do something to give back to society. First I burned the movie to disk and put it in a DVD case using a cover that my daughter specially designed for it that was covered in emojis of what looked like little brown blobs of icecream? It might have been something else I'll have to ask her, anyway, I then I went deep into the forest with just the movie and a shovel and dug the deepest darkest hole you could imagine, then I threw that dvd case and movie into the hole with all the satisfaction of a man who has just thrown a burnt dvd copy of a terrible movie he'd torrented into a hole he'd just dug, and proceeded to fill the hole in with a mixture of dirt and due to a weak bladder about a liter of bodily fluids, and I'm happy to report to you here and now that after 3 weeks and 7 hours 34 minutes the movie has not risen from its grave to haunt me or anyone else.
Worth 10 stars but I only gave it one star because I'm a contrary non conformist.
