- Crystal: My Mamma used to tell me this story about the jackrabbit and the box turtle. The jackrabbit is real dick, and he brags all the time, he says nobody's faster'n him. And well, it's true cause every time, the jackrabbit races, he always wins. The whole fuckin forest has to put up with this shit day in and day out. The fucker always wants to race just so he can rub in it some more. So the box turtle figures, 'why not? I'll give it a try'. The jackrabbit laughs, 'This'll be fun, so let's fuckin go.' The jackrabbit leaves the box turtle in the fuckin dust cause he's way out in front. The jackrabbit always wins. But the jackrabbit wants to put on a show, so he stops to make it seem close, and takes a nap. But he sleeps longer than he wanted to. By the time he wakes up, I mean he knows he's fucked and the jackrabbit goes full tilt, but it's too late and the box turtle crosses the finish line first and the crowd, whoosh, goes fuckin wild. Later that night the box turtle's havin dinner with his family. He's tellin his little box turtles how he did it. 'I mean, you never give up. I just kept crawlin' forwards, and you can overcome just about anything.'
- [pause]
- Crystal: The door smashes in. It's the jackrabbit, and he has a hammer. He smashes up the wife an kids first so the box turtle has to watch em die. And then it's his turn. Once the whole family is broken into little pieces, he sits down and eats their dinner, every last bite... cause the jackrabbit always wins.
- Don: Your Mamma told you that story?
- Crystal: [Scoffs at Athena] Now you done fucked up, lady. See, there's two Crystals back home where I live. In fact, I get her mail sometimes.
- Athena: It's amazing to me. People go their entire lives without realizing the most simple, obvious truth. The only way to properly slice tomatoes is with a bread knife.
- Vanilla Nice: You're going to hell.
- Pop: I don't believe in hell. As you so eloquently posted, I'm a godless elite. For the record, asshole, climate change is real.
- Athena: You wanted it to be true, so you decided it was. This was your idea.
- Crystal: Well... Not My idea. Ooh I did not want to mess up your big grilled-cheese speech, but... oh, you done fucked up, lady. See, you got the wrong Crystal. There's another Crystal May Creasey back home. But she spells "May" with an "E." Hey, I get her mail sometimes. And my dad's an asshole, but I don't think he ever did drugs. And my mom... she's alive, too. Can we call her? -Let's call her right now.
- Athena: No.
- Crystal: Give me the phone.
- Athena: No way.
- Crystal: I'll call her up
- Athena: Do I look fucking stupid?
- Crystal: Fine. I'll give you her number and you can call.
- Athena: That's not gonna happen.
- Crystal: Yeah.
- Crystal: Hoo, you don't really care about the truth, do you?
- Athena: Of course I do. The only difference is I'm right.
- Crystal: Hey, maybe. Maybe not. Now, do I have to keep listening to Beethoven, or can we fucking get on with it?
- Big Red: [hears an explosion] What was that?
- Staten Island: [abrupt] That's another one of us being blown the fuck up
- Athena: You decided to go on the internet and run your stupid mouth. Thirteen months ago, you posted this on a message board under the screen name Justice4Yall: "Fuck this bitch. Athena Stone murders innocent men and women for sport. The evidence is all there." T-H-E-I-R. "Her manor, her travel records, oh, and in case you were still on the fence, she fucking admitted to it in a text message." "Admitted" was all caps.
- Crystal: Huh?
- Athena: "Huh?" Is all you have to say for yourself?
- Crystal: Everybody you kidnapped and killed... that's 'cause they busted you and your friends and put it on the Internet?
- Athena: No one busted us. We were joking. But you ignoramus took it literally. You actually believed we were hunting human beings for sport.
- Crystal: But you are.
- Athena: What?
- Crystal: -Hunting humans beings for sport.
- Athena: -No.
- Crystal: -Oh, yeah.
- Athena: It wasn't true.
- Crystal: -Ya -I -just
- [stammers]
- Crystal: This is your manor, idn't it?
- Athena: It's not a fucking a manor! It's a house I rented in Croatia and had decorated.
- Crystal: Okay right, but it's yours, and you're hunting people, so it's... I mean, it's true.
- Athena: Now! Now it's true because you made it true. You people, you take anything you want and you twist it around until it fits into your backwards fucking worldview. You wanted it to be true, so you decided it was. This was your idea.
- Crystal: Well... not my idea.
- Staten Island: I have seven guns at home
- Pop, Ma: Why do you have seven?
- Staten Island: Because it's my constitutional rights
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