Death of a Child

Perhaps you have to be a parent to understand this film. My children are all four-legged and furry. However, I am an adult with many responsibilities, and I can't comprehend how much of a fog you would have to be in to leave your child, or to "forget" your child, in a car. I watched this film, expecting to be moved, expecting to feel their pain, expecting to understand something about it, anything about it. I felt nothing but disbelief as several continued on as if their biggest concern was jail. I didn't feel their grief. I didn't like any of them, except the mother of the first child whose death they delved into. Perhaps it was a poor job of directing, perhaps I'm just incapable of understanding how one forgets something so important in a vehicle. We got through 40 minutes of this, and I couldn't take anymore. Someone can talk about how they felt suicidal, or how they felt like they couldn't go on, but if I don't "feel" that coming from you, I don't believe a word of it. The death of a child breaks my heart. This documentary just made me sick with rage.

It's a different ending, I am very lucky in that way but I actually understand why these people forgot their children in a car. Because I forgot my daughter at dancing school for an entire day. When I was in my 20s, I was out on my own for the first time. I was working a full week of 45 to 53 hours a week on top of taking care of my 8 year old. My ex husband (her stepdad) and I weren't living together. And when he was around, he was very abusive. I was just TIRED. Mentally, physically, spiritually tired. I get a call on a Saturday and my daughter's dancing school says hey, we're closing in half an hour, can you come and pick up your daughter. I said wait she's not in her room? I went into her room, nope, she wasn't in there. I was supposed to pick her up several hours earlier. I didn't even realize I had left her there. It's just an exhaustion that, unless you live it, you can't understand it. I'm just lucky (is that the right word, I don't know) that it wasn't while she was younger and it wasn't in a car. Most people are afraid to talk about how tired we all are or how mentally unwell we are. And we don't want to admit we "forget" our children I made it a point after that dancing school incident and all of these news articles to triple check my car. I even used to call my then husband and ask where the kids are and had him double check me to make sure I brought them where they belonged and picked them up. I was always afraid I would leave my boys in the car. People say put your purse in the back seat, when you're that exhausted, you forget your purse. Some days I used to look down in a panic worried I didn't put on pants and I was outside without pants. There is an exhaustion so so so deep that only some of us understand. I feel so sorry for all of these parents that this was there outcome. Why them? Why these parents? Why these children? There are no real answers.

I can't thank enough to the people involved of making this documentary for help me and a lot other people to see the reality behind the lives of the families that go through that sad situation , we tend to judge without realizing the pain they are going through. Stay strong, life gets better.

No parent or caregiver wants to think they could accidentally harm or kill their child, but, as this film shows, even very caring parents can make a horrible mistake. The rest of us get lucky that we turn around just in time or hear something that alerts us to a potential problem.

I appreciate the frankness of these parents and how well they express themselves. My heart goes out to them.

I recommend the Washington Post article "Fatal Distraction: Forgetting a Child in the Backseat of a Car Is a Horrifying Mistake. Is It a Crime?" by Gene Weingarten. He rightly won a Pulitzer for the piece. He goes into more detail about some elements that got less time here. Some of it is tough reading, but I am grateful to have learned.

This film is very sad but also gross, like how can you be so negligent, but I noticed in all cases it's parents rushing their child off to a daycare or babysitter- there aren't any stay at home mothers or fathers involved in these children's lives, it's all people who are sending them to daycare.