White Men Can't Jump

Here is a charmless remake that has the same ideas and characters as the original, but none of the energy. Director Calmatic's idea of a sports film is to put a rap soundtrack on and show us poorly shot and edited basketball scenes that are tedious to follow and care.

There are lots of rambling in this movie. This is not neccessarily a complaint. There are lots and lots of trashtalk in the original White Men Can't Jump too, except those are brought with wit and delivered by actors that know how to act intimidating and over-confident. The actors here are as flat as a cardboard. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrellson are way out of Sinqua Walls and Jack Harlow's league.

So the story involves Harlow and Walls teaming up to play basketball. That's about it for the movie's depth in storytelling. The screenplay here has barely any emotional engagement. In the climax of the movie, in what was supposedly the high point of the movie, I felt nothing. Any other viewer will not feel anything. Not even our characters look like they felt anything. It's all a lazy string of basketball montages and dialogue so monotonous and uninteresting that it plays like a conversation you are stuck in and want to get out of.

This is a movie that thinks it has really cool vibe but is just a slog. Calmatic's previous film is House Party, another remake of a (somewhat) classic. Maybe it is time for him to work with material that are at least original. Maybe remakes like this shouldn't exist for the best.

Where to begin? If this movie was "stand alone" it would be maybe a 3.5 star worthy made for tv movie. It could do little to be any more different from the classic Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson film. The two similarities are that, basketball is a theme, and one white character and one black character. Aside from that, they are not similar. It seems like the studio was so excited to license the title that they forgot to hire someone to write a script. They could have ripped the old script verbatim and it probably would have been better. Andrew Schulz' character may be the only watchable performance. That is not to say that all the acting was bad, but the plot and development would have made it impossible for a main character to stand out. Lance Reddick would be ashamed to have it dedicated to him. What a barely watchable pile of Hollywood money grab excrement.

Obviously, I only watched this because I'm a huge fan of the original. It was odd because this version copies the basic structure of the original, even going to each iconic basketball court, like the fenced in court and the Watts court. There is zero tension though. Everything is just rushed though and none of the pick up games had any of the fun of the original. We don't really know why Jack Harlow's character is meant to be the underdog in the pickup games or why/how this is a hustle. I didn't like the director's choice to constantly use slow motion during the games either. It really detracted from excitement of the games/moves. Jack Harlow has a few nice moments, like when he's posing next to his car while Ed Sheeran plays. That was a funny scene, but for the most part, his acting is distractingly bad. We don't get any real moments with him, and there is a lack of commitment to either the trash talking or the zen. There's just a lot thrown into the back story of his and Sinqua Walls' characters with no pay off. Harlow's character seems to have a drug problem but is not addressed in the end. Walls' has a tragic moment, and a couple of minutes later is all smiles and jokey in (what's supposed to be) a comedic with Blake Griffin. Also not addressed. Ultimately, everything is unearned: Harlow and Walls' friendship, falling out, and redemption. The entire movie just goes through the motions. It was nice seeing Laura Harrier though.

First of all, selling this as a remake of a sensational film is a bad move. If you're not at least almost as good, you've already lost. But yeah, you probably get more views that way.

On its own, the film is OK. It's about basketball, after all, and it has one or two good scenes, such as Lance Reddick in the hospital. A 5 seems to be a fair rating to me.

In general, though, it's a good look at what's been lost in recent years. Microwave food instead of a home-cooked meal. Off-the-shelf goods instead of natural chemistry. Probably the zeitgeist of the decade. Maybe even Wesley and Woody wouldn't be able to make a film like the original WMCJ in 2023.

You could watch this.. or you could go and find someone giving away the original on DVD - its sure to be out there - worst case on VHS!.

Why bother remaking a movie and not making it better? Why bother remaking a movie when the original is still understandable and relevant.

Its bad enough remaking current foreign language films because Americans cant read subtitles - but there is no logic to remaking this and so poorly. Sure - remake Gone with the Wind or The African Queen if you think you can tell the story in today's world - but making this was a waste of time and effort - and you will be wasting yours if you watch it.