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Four guys, and about 1.5 brains between the whole lot of them. But get this: Jez (Glenn Salvage) is inspired by a great idea. With half a million sovs, which he proposes to liberate from Mr Big, he could buy this plot of decayed industrial land, and then he could get a bank loan to build a block of apartments. Urban renewal is a noble objective, but any real property developer can tell you that even a million quid wouldn't cover all the fees demanded by rapacious local government, along with lawyers' fees for getting environmental approval, etc, etc. There are reasons why inner city decay goes on being inner city decay, year after year.

Actually Mr Big, casino owner Terry Slade (Steven Dolton), also owns this run-down vehicle repair workshop, goodness knows why. And apparently he's going to be coming this way tomorrow, bringing a million pounds, in used notes, in a bag. Time for some quick "planning". Foolproof plan under construction.

All right, every premiss on which this story depends looks pretty silly (this applies to many movies). But then, as the action picks up, a certain logic takes over, like in a tragic opera, or maybe a play by W. S. You may have heard that sometimes thieves fall out. Georgia Annable, as Mr Big's niece, has a small role, but she does it well.

Maybe, average viewer, you would be advised not to watch this movie. But I've got a soft spot for the underdog, the little guy, and for people who are not smart enough to ever get very far in this callous and complex world (they give it their best shot, but they're going to crash and burn). "Essex Heist" is a low-budget movie, I mean really low budget. Steve Lawson produced, directed, wrote, and probably did the catering. Some of the acting is surprisingly good. The storyline is a mixture of "I didn't see that one coming" and the "predictable and inevitable" - pretty much like a downbeat version of real life.

Well theres 1 hour and 15 mins i wont get back. Awful film. Awful acting. Awful story. How i managed to see this all the way thru is beyond me. This is a must avoid!

This is without doubt the worse film I have ever seen in my life. It's so bad it took me two years to pluck up courage and come back to rate it. The plot is laughable, acting is horrendous. I may watch it again in a few years for the comedy value but will need to live with dementia to wipe my memory first. Painful to watch and filmed almost entirely at the back of the Garages.

A dull film, with a dull plot, set in a dull location.

Usually, I enjoy these b-type movies for their awful acting and plots, purely on the comedy value alone. This is so boring that a piece of two day old toast is less dry.