The Northlander

I usually do not bother watching a movie with less than 60% on IMDb, in fact nearer to 70%, but I am a sucker for anything set in the future. I guess I am going to have to be stricter about this.

I find myself asking "how can this happen"? Quite how 900 people got this movie to 59% (at the time of writing) is beyond me. Is there some new way for studios to leave fake reviews on IMDb? This movie is SO SLOW it might as well be in slow motion.

It is actually painful to sit through, practically plot less, the acting is dire and there nothing here for anyone. Even the fight scenes look like badly rehearsed wrestling from the 1970's.

Some movies leave you wanting those 2 hours of your life back, but others make you determined to just forget it. This one only lasts 83 minutes but it feels like 5 hours! I gave it a couple of days and tried again, sadly it was just as bad.

The reason I felt compelled to come and leave you this review is so that you might at least be saved from watching this terrible movie. It is too late for me, but not for you, choose something else!! I love movies and will give almost any a go but this is complete tripe.

I guess that from now on I will have to wait until tens of thousands have voted if I am to trust IMDb scores.

Pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen. I feel like this movie was written by creatures that were not human, communicating to their occult group. I still don't understand what I just watched. Felt like there was a hidden message deep in the symbols that were displayed in the movie. If ever there was a movie for the Archons, this is it. Not sure how this got ranked an 8.6... IMDb first time you've let me down. I still have love IMDb, 100% forgiveness for this epic disaster. No hate here, just a horrible movie that needs to be ignored by humans.

I enjoyed the scenery and some of the costumes. I also like that the actors were all slightly over weight (or normal) looking. You don't see that often in film, everyone is usually super fit.

The Northlander has perhaps the most inane dialogue I have ever listened to in a movie. The sound could have been shut off, or the movie shot as a silent and I would have followed the plot just as well.

I'm not really sure what this movie was about. There are nomadic tribes in a dystopian future. Cygnus the Hunter is sent on a quest to... I don't know what. Characters wax philosophical between poorly choreographed fight scenes, but the dialogue doesn't move the plot forward. It's all rather pointless.

Scenes don't seem to go anywhere. e.g. A tribesman is hauling in a fishing net from the river, he sees something horrible in the net, falls down screaming. While fallen over he spots a smoke plume on the horizon and yells to the tribe the bad guys are coming and scampers off in terror. But what the hell was in the fishing net? At least I assume he was fishing, no one eats or drinks in the year 2961, have humans evolved to live entirely on love? Well perhaps because the bad dudes can survive in the desert-like conditions of the badlands carrying no water or food.

One of the main reasons I went to see this was it is shot in the Drumheller badlands. And we see characters running up and down the clay hills and jumping on the hoodoos. Okay. The Alberta outdoor settings, prairies and badlands, I found disappointing - looks like it was shot in fall and filmed late afternoon each day casting long shadows and giving muted colours. Everything is brown, sepia coloured, drab. I've been there, in spring and summer it's quite colourful and beautiful. A chance lost by the film makers in my opinion, filmed the wrong time of year.

This movie appears to be a Mad Max ripoff, and unfortunately a poor one. The weaponry is likely purposefully goofy, you might get a kick out of some of the crazy spears and clubs carried by the warriors. Other than that, blech.

I was amused by the diversity in ratings: 7.5 average from supposedly 500+ people. But only eight reviews? Six of those (evidently the honest ones) are very negative and all state the same thing: no comprehensible plot line. The other two reviews, both praising the film, are in the same chopped-English. Bogus positive reviews? Bogus ratings? Obviously so. First, a good movie doesn't get 500 ratings and only 8 reviews. Second, the chopped-English positive reviews make it pretty evident they were bought (or from foreign members of the crew). Result: I have better things to do with my time than watch an obviously scammed film.

Bad acting, production, videography and sound... such a terrible waste of time. There's absolutely no way this POS has such a high rating other than fake reviews. The entire production crew must have been employed to create accounts and give fake high star ratings. Don't believe the fake reviews!