Everything Is Terrible: The Movie

Much like the TV Carnage bootlegs that first tread this ground, the Everything is Terrible movie is a chaotic, sugar-fueled celebration of bad television. Drawing from the bottomless pits of late 20th-century talk shows, paid programs, made-for-TV movies and evangelical holy hours, this twisted compilation weaves sound bytes and sales pitches into a tangled running narrative that almost defies description. It's like machine-gunning your brain with a haywire remote control, flipping channels with such speed and precision that you'll feel the urge to drop off the couch and convulse like a Pokemon-induced seizure youth.

As something of a seasoned veteran, I know these frenetic, over-the-top VHS clip shows usually burn bright and fast. I laughed uproariously for thirty minutes, but this feature runs for nearly twice as long. While its topics may vary, a freak show panorama of everything from hair plugs to eternal salvation, Everything is Terrible does little to shake its format, and that's far too long to ride the same rail without a break. So much schlocky nonsense, so fast, is just too much of a good thing. This one will swiftly hammer you into a vegetative state, a mode of numbed semi-consciousness where not even a silicon set of gargantuan gazoongas can elicit much reaction.