alexholmes-41729

If you do manage to get through the entire film you'll struggle to remember a single characters name, why they are involved, what made them get involved and be in slightest bit interested in whether they stay involved or not.

Even the first member of the gang just seems to get on board and donate his ship after a 30 second bar room shoot out that follows such a regulation format it's embarrassing.

I thought these films are based on novels - they're either very bad books or they decided to remove all character building and story progressing aspects from the film.

It looks reasonable but not entirely sure where all the budget went - script writing was definitely bottom of the pile.

If you want decent SciFi watch Foundation instead.

In fact watch something like Firefly and/or Serenity and you'll get a better story.

The only reason I don't give this one star is because it's so bad it's almost entertaining.

Slow boring story with terrible acting set in an eternally warm, sunny, tropical location that's apparently in Leeds.

There is one attempt at a Yorkshire accent but Joey Tribiani could do a better job.

It also seemed to be filmed with 80s soap opera effect.

Nothing erotic about it and a very strange time scale, days, weeks and months seem totally interchangeable.

The more I write the more I wonder if this is in fact actually a very clever comedy that I just don't get

Hugh Dennis was the only saving grace but even that was touch and go - non pun intended.

It is a terrible terrible film, bad script, bad acting, bad special effects - the use of the word special is very generous.

I can't find the will to explain what it is even about.

They say if you give an infinite number of chimp's an infinite number of typewriters they'll eventually write Shakespeare - this film was made from the stuff in the Chimp's trash can.

I'd like a never emptying hip flask though.