MalcolmJTaylor

I can't believe a neutered dude wrote this, another neutered dude directed and filmed it, and four neutered dudes produced it. No wonder it's about as sexy as a barn door.

The dancing is mostly a showy jazz reel that never settles down, the best number is the finale but who cares when it's not integrated into the story.

The best dance number may just be the fun little short film that is the second-floor double-decker bus number.

Hayek and Tatum have very little chemistry, I don't know why Thandie Newton left, but she is sorely missed. What's left is just bobbles on a Christmas tree.

Might be a decent aphrodisiac for some, but for most, it'll be evidence enough to pack this toothless franchise up.

Honestly, I couldn't be more upset about how awful this film is. It doesn't feel like a remake, it feels like plagiarism. At the midpoint just when Nighy actually comes to life for a half second instead of being a walking corpse in need of an eternal nap, the film steals the exact same structure from Kurosawa's masterpiece Ikiru. Just when the film comes to life for literally less than one minute, it pulls the rug out and returns to being the dull, mopey, sappy, saccharine, snoozefest pabulum it's so dead set on being.

The only positive thing I can say about this movie is that if these people can get paid to make a movie as bereft of the human spirit as this film is, well then there is hope for any filmmaker out there. Because, truly so little invention went into this, it's frankly appalling.

I'm appalled by all the awards and nominations being showered on this shameful act of copycatting. There isn't an ounce of creativity or artistry in this movie. How can you take Kurosawa's masterpiece, one of the greatest films in the history of cinema, and say I'm going to make a garbage Netflix movie out of it with boring shot-reverse-shot TV cutting patterns!? It's beyond the pale. And then to nominate it for Best Adapted Screenplay after they've sucked all the life out of the original, it boggles the mind!? If they just made this a streaming movie, I wouldn't have cared. Give the lazy couch surfing, iphone watching masses their pablum to slurp on. But to have the gall to put this in theatres and gussy it up as if it's a prestige movie is shameful and appalling. (Yes, I keep saying "appalling," because that's just what this is, and if Nighy can keep saying "what a bore" throughout a movie that is a literal giant bore from start to finish, then I've got my own repetition license too.)

First of all, I've been a Bill Nighy fan for as long as I can remember. And that's really the only reason I went to a theatre and bought a ticket to see this movie, and risked my life in rush hour traffic to get there. I legit almost got hit by an Uber while crossing with the right of way within the pedestrian markings because I was hustling to get to the screening. (Imagine being so full of life. I know it's hard after seeing this movie.) To think I could have ended up hospitalized for this utter tripe.

Nighy should have turned this down. He's a great character actor, but doesn't have the range for a lead of this caliber. (Sleeping through a major section of the story and hiding in the shadows of the bar is not an acting choice.) More to the point though is that he is no longer in the casting range to play a "father" especially not a 1950's father. There was no such thing as "old dad" syndrome in the '50's. And even today he is well beyond "old dad" casting. He is well and fully into grandfather territory. So getting diagnosed at his age is not exactly a massive tug on the heart strings. It's well within a person's time to go, eliciting low wattage on the empathy scale.

The girl who is supposed to remind him of the vibrance of youth is as dull as they come. I know the director previously made a gay army movie and it clearly shows, as there isn't an ounce of straight sexuality in this film. Even the stripper, who in Kurosawa's film is shot in the most iconic way and immediately gets a rise out of Shimura's Watanabe. Here she is a dumpy broad left over from a Dove commercial that makes you want to look away. Hardly any reason to go on living. And Nighy's not even awake to see her. Ridiculous. And his tour guide through what is supposed to be a carnival of pleasures is just some schlub guy who has no life in him either. He also has this distractingly odd Stacey Keatch doppelgänger thing going on but, of course, with zero element of danger or intrigue to him.

This is really one of the most garbage remakes I've ever seen. It's inexcusably bad. I urge you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! Get a free trial to The Criterion Channel and watch IKIRU! Or find it on Kanopy, Or just rent it. Please, you must. It is one of the greatest films of all time. It is better than Citizen Kane. I kid you not. Please, for the love of God, don't watch this garbage movie.

It's a great action film! It's beautifully shot with riveting action throughout that builds to a terrific climax. Claire Foy is a terrific Lisbeth Salander. I've seen the Swedish trilogy and the Fincher directed remake, and I still actually enjoyed watching this film the most. Perhaps that means it is the most palatable of all the versions. There really is nothing here that causes aversion in the viewer. In this regard the negative reviews citing the absence of source material do have a point. That aside, Foy's portrayal is certainly, for my money, the most captivating version of Salander to date.

I could nitpick away at a few things, like for instance how they've reduced Blomquist to eye candy and made Salander the main agent of action. But I actually kind of liked that. After all, she's the reason we go to see these movies. And yeah, I could have used a storyline that had elements of her getting revenge against her male oppressors, which I believe to be the overall theme of the source material, but again, I actually like that we've moved on from that. In a way, she has grown up and now she's just ready to do her thing: be a lone wolf bad ass and you know, save the world from nuclear annihilation (hence all the Bond references), while working out her past childhood trauma. Overall, if you're looking for a solid dark action/thriller, then leave your baggage at the door and enjoy the ride. I sure did.