chadk-45495

After watching the original, I eagerly expected to see more of what I enjoyed: characters with some depth that have chemistry, equal screen time with the heroes and villains, dialogue that pops with energy, story beats that feel authentic: Ultimately, a fun heist movie. A warm homemade meal.

What I got was the Tuesday cafeteria special: a scoop of leftover mashed potatoes, and it landed right in the lima beans. It's food, but I didn't love eating it.

Credit where it's due, Den 2 is shot well and sounds great. Better than the first. Some nifty heist hijinks were clever.

But the lazy writing, plot conveniences, flat characters, meaningless subplots, insufferable music score (near the end), and shoddy pacing sully much of the positives.

The first Den displayed constant tension as the cops brushed shoulders with the crooks in everyday situations, suspicion ever present. Here, there's hardly any friction, and when it's there, it's contrived.

And at the end of the day, I'd rather watch Ghost Protocol or Italian Job than a shallow, underwhelming imitation.

I'm at a loss. I thought Indiana Jones was about an adventuring archeologist hunting ancient religious artifacts to be preserved in museums. And the first 20 minutes confirm that sentiment.

And to be fair, John Williams' fantastic score reminds me that I did walk into the right showing. But instead of a rousing epic, I witnessed a strange concoction of overblown ideas, baffling casting choices, plot conveniences, bad dialogue, and some of the worst written characters I can remember. Especially Helena, who's played by a talented PWB but is written to be an insufferable, pedantic braggart.

There's a strange veneer that makes everything resemble something familiar. But it all feels off. Even the deepfakery produced some chuckles in the theatre.

There's some fun scenes and cameos and I enjoyed the villain. But calling this an Indiana Jones movie? Maybe Illinois Jones.

Well, it's about robots from outer space so just turn your brain off for maximum enjoyment. If you told me the script was AI-generated, I'd believe it.

But is it entertaining? Depends on your definition. If you want to see robots and humans hunting MacGuffins, clashing and brawling for their respective fates, painfully cringe dialog and jokes, and a predictable plot? Then yes, it's entertaining.

I'm a sucker for 90s hip-hop, so hearing Tribe and Wu-Tang was a pleasant surprise. I also appreciate the dynamic lighting and how the robots are integrated into their environments. They don't stick out too much or look odd.

Until they talk. Then most of the immersion goes right out the window. Nearly every robot-spoken word is delivered with the gusto of the movie trailer voiceover guy bellowing cliches like ancient creeds.

And yet, as the 3rd act progressed I found myself starting to be won over, almost like a case of Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe because I stopped thinking about it. Maybe the movie itself became a visual lobotomy.

I almost want to recommend this. Not because it's good, but because it's bad in ways that are endearing and sort of fun.